@52 thumbs-up. Also Jayde, how is she ever going to learn to thicken her skin if you keep enabling her like this? Oh right. She won't. Also maybe she isn't trying to thicken her skin because that is what men do, stereotypically. I am just saying. I don't actually believe that thought, but some do, just wanted to point that out.
Btw I am actually a male who is emotional and nurturing more than masculine. When it comes to helping other people I have a thick skin and can advocate well. But when it comes to myself I am very dull and not good at defending myself. I don't classify myself as a woman in any capacity, but I share the same emotional mindsets as a woman would for her friends or children. Any man can have this, Jayde has it to a degree, Nocternous has it to a big degree as well.

@55 that is my point. No one would notice or care if this was done in private. But people don't know how to take care of their shit correctly. Dan_gero ith posting topics about other topics. Haley with talking about very small things in a topic rather than a private reqest to the mods. If you need help, ok ask. But think about how you do it and why you are doing it the way you are. I wrote many topics about dealing with blindness a year ago. But they were open ended discussions, they weren't personal things that only I would care about or only I had an issue with. And I dare say this. I made those topics to actually receive help. I think a lot of these topics are for drama or for attention. If that is not the intension, well learn to clean up your shit correctly and prove that isn't for that reason.

the reason you have only seen one person do this Jayde is because it is so low level most people know better than to ask for something like this. I'm sorry. But taking this seriously is just not going to happen for most of us. There needs to be standards, and I think you have lowered yours in this case.
If you are going to ask for something like this, do it privatly. It's not that hard. Well it shouldn't be.

The nature of microaggressions is that they are low level.That's why they're microaggressions, not macroaggressions.
If Haily had come in here stating that we all have a grudge against her due to the "playroom playboy" title, and demanded we change it right here and now, then sure. You can make an excellent case for her making too big a deal out of it. But she didn't do that.
She mentioned it publicly for reasons I can't be entirely sure of, but one common reason people make suggestions in the site and forum feedback section is because they feel that these suggestions may alleviate a problem or make the forum a better place.

Can I just stop for a sec and point out that the sheer amount of resistance spewed in this topic outshines the stuff shared in many others, lots of which actually affect everyone. Just stop and think about that for a second.

You try and claim, Zarvox, that Haily is failing to meet some nebulous minimum standard for making a public stance regarding an issue that is bothering her. It's too small and low-level to deal with, you say. It's not worth talking about, you say. Haily apparently didn't see it this way. What you're doing is essentially trying to cancel Haily's right to take exception to something publicly. Sure, she could've come to us privately, but why should she have to tiptoe? Because she's trans? Because some of the things she says get under people's skin? Last time I checked, this was a forum where if people have a grievance, they're free to air it in whichever method they choose. I'm kind of struggling to understand why you and others like you are imposing arbitrary limitations.

In fact, I'll go one step further.

Inability to empathize is playing a role here. You don't know what it is like to be misgendered and misnamed. Members of this very fucking forum have done this to Haily as recently as the last couple of days, even though we made very clear months ago that this was not going to be tolerated at all. But instead of just leaving her alone if you can't support her, you're criticizing first the thinness of her skin, and then the method of her bringing the issue to our attention.
Let me put this another way,and you probably won't like this, but I am completely over any desire I might have had to play gentle with your feelings on this point. I'm getting an impression that no matter what Haily would have asked for or suggested, and no matter who she would have talked to, some of you would have taken issue with it. I'm not going to say it's because she's transgender, but it's the sort of thing that is not at all representative of how a forum ought to run. Then again, some other folks did this impossible-to-win scenario to Rory as well, so perhaps it's just that we've got a bunch of forumites who are bound and determined to crucify anyone who bucks the status quo or challenges their social expectations. I mean, how dare Haily state that misgendering is uncomfortable! The horror, am I right?

I think some of you, at least, need to take an extremely hard look at yourselves and your behaviour. For folks who claim that a forum title doesn't matter, you've helped make an awfully big mess for something which is apparently inconsequential. You pretty much blew any credibility on this subject you might once have had straight to hell.

Now, is there anything else?

There's a lot I would honestly like to say on this topic, but Jayde has already said most of it. I would like to apologise to the admins, mainly Jayde, for creating such an apparent shitstorm. I didn't honestly think it would blow up this badly. Really brings my general opinion of this forum to an all time low.
I'll also admit the somewhat misleading topic title and to an extent the message itself were certainly oversights on my part. I considered posting on here earlier, but knew I'd more than likely end up saying something I'd regret later. I'm also trying to limit my activity on this forum due to the general toxicity outlined above.

Zarvox, the only bit of wiggle I'm giving practically anyone who's raising hell in here is that yes, this is a first for the forum. No one has taken exception with forum titles before.
But instead of treating it as a new thing, a novelty, or even something that really rings your "WTF dude?" button, you're bound and determined to find fault. Perhaps this is because the forum at large is just waiting for something to snarl at, and Haily made herself a target without intending to. Perhaps it's because some of you are trying really really hard not to be prejudicial, but it's sort of sneaking out anyway. I'd hate to think that latter, and it's not an accusation, it's just a theory. We've got to stop with this "not handling it right" situation. If this has never happened before, who are you to say that it was handled wrong? Is there some heretofore-undiscussed "Big Book of Forum Etiquette" that you know about, and some others in here know about, that nobody's sharing because they just assume that it's all general knowledge? And if so, who wrote it, and on what terms, and for whose benefit?

Like I said much earlier, it's one thing to be surprised, even flabbergasted, by Haily's request. It is new, so being put back on your heels is something I totally understand. I said before that even I kinda went, "Uh, seriously?" when I first read it. But then I took another longer look at things because I didn't want to just go with my first impulse, and I wish some of the rest of you had done likewise. If you had, we wouldn't be here.

Haily, I definitely won't try to drive you away by any means, but I guess this has just proved that about certain things, the forum is still able and willing to lose its collective mind over shit that isn't going to hurt anyone. I'm sorry it was about this topic.
That said, I can't actually change your title right now. The only two staff members who have voiced an opinion here are at odds, so essentially we need a tie-break. At this point I think the likeliest scenario is that even if we decide to tweak your title, it will be for you, and will stay close to the original, and will be updated back to the regular title you'd otherwise earn when you get there. The aim is to remove the misgendering language with the least amount of overall impact. I trust you can understand that this is not to give you any advantage or bragging rights, it's simply to alleviate a situation you find uncomfortable.

Yeah, completely understandable. It'll by no means be the end of the world if nothing gets done about it either, I just made this topic mostly out of curiosity to see what other people's opinions were on the matter. Apparently something as small and insignificant as a title on a forum is also somehow large enough to spark a 3 page bitch fest on the subject. Go figure.

Zarvox, I'm not going to argue that it stifles a person's right to free speech. You're not suggesting that people shouldn't bring this up at all, you're suggesting that people find a different way to do it.

In certain cases, I agree with you. DanGero basically calling someone out well after a situation had died down is an example. I felt then, and feel now, that while he might have had good points to bring to the table, it might've been done better another way.
Other examples aren't springing readily to mind, but I see what you're getting at here. Sometimes, it really is better to just go to us privately about something.

But changing a forum rank, or at the very least asking for someone to tweak your rank because it's upsetting you? I don't think that's an automatic hush-hush matter, as you do. Could Haily have done it that way? Sure, and we'd have processed it quietly. But should she have to? My answer is no.
Because either way you look at it, you're hung. If it really isn't a big deal, then what's the harm in posting it publicly for all and sundry to see? And if it -is a big deal, why is it up to Haily to make sure the forum doesn't treat her badly, instead of, y'know, being up to other forum members not to dogpile her when they can't wrap their heads around the fact that this grievance is simply outside of their own lived experience? It sounds a bit like you're asking Haily to not only police herself, but also to magically know that this situation was going to make the forum lose its shit. You yourself pointed out that this is new, so Haily couldn't possibly have known that this would be the result.

I suppose you can make the argument that now that it's been determined that the forum is going to freak out about almost everything, people should be much quieter. But I don't want to foster that dynamic any more than can absolutely be helped. The absolute worst I can say about Haily's first post is that I think it was trying to get rid of a problem for everyone that really only existed demonstrably for her, and she has since apologized for making that unclear. I think the rest of it - her decision to post at all, her feelings about being misgendered by a forum rank - were fair enough. Are they the end of the world? No, of course not. But they're also not at all difficult to fix.

We'll let you folks know when at least one more staff member speaks up on the subject. Until then, there's nothing I'm prepared to do, as I detest stepping on people's toes. I beg your patience in the meantime, Haily.

seeking for attention...
I just made this topic mostly out of curiosity to see what other people's opinions were on the matter.
Well you got our answer...
So did you actually want this to happen or was this only just to see what we would do in response?
This is why people have such a hard time with your topics OP. If we try to take it seriously, you come back and say something like that. If we try to say that this is for attention, you try to back yourself up, but then say something like this.
I don't understand...
Oh and yes I know I am contributing to it. It is a public issue now, so I can.
In short, did you want this to become a big deal on purpose? Or did you actually want this to be a discussion?
I can only speak for myself, but I am not sure if you know what you want more, help or attention, or are you hoping to get both at once? Maybe a multiple personality disorder? I have that, and it sucks.
Or are you trying to say it differently but you just don't know how?

All I will say is this: post 69 clearly outlined precisely why I haven't given my opinion on this matter -- though from a different perspective. I'll summarize it though -- I know that me jumping in here and adding my own opinion, which would be firmly along with Jayde, would only add to the dumpster fire that this topic has become. I'm putting my opinion in now because I feel like its the right time to do that, and my opinion isn't exactly volatile. Do I believe in transgenderism? Yes, I do. I am a scientist, and any good scientist has an open mind. Anyone who says that there are only two genders, and two sexes, is locking themselves into a closed-minded space. However, whether I believe in it or not is entirely irrelevant; I have no right, and would never have the right, to force my beliefs onto anyone. Do I believe that the eradication of the title that Haily currently holds is overkill? Yep, I certainly do. Do I believe that a simple custom change on her behalf, and only her behalf, is overkill? Na; it doesn't affect me. Its not a forum-wide change. And the strings attached to the deal would be that the title would only remain for the duration that it takes for Haily to exceed the post limit for that title. That's it. That seems perfectly reasonable to me. And its also perfectly reasonable to examine that on a case-by-case basis, too. Will it be complicated? Sure thing! But is it most likely the best solution? Yes. Why? Because it will cause the least intrusion on everyone else's preferences. If the title is changed forum-wide, it is changed for [everyone], both present and future. That means that the mods -- and anyone else who agrees with a forum-wide change -- are forcing their preferences regarding that title on everyone else and not allowing everyone else to have a say (I'm talking about those who don't chip into discussions about this, or those who aren't even members yet). On matters of legality or others of great importance, this is an acceptable cost to pay. On matters of this kind of importance (e.g.: not important at all because its only a single members preference, and its only what a single member wants, and therefore isn't important to anyone else but the member wanting the change), its entirely unacceptable. Therefore, a case-by-case approach is best here. Another alternative is lowering the number of posts to allow for custom titles, however that may cause its own problems.

So can I have my title changed to business pastry?