Hi,
The only instrument list that will work properly on the default Windows midi synth is the general GM instrument list, to my knowledge. This list comes with Quick Windows Sequencer by default. To use it, go to the options menu, then instruments, select the Microsoft GS Wavetable synth from the list, and assign it to the GM list.
Don't be confused about what instrument lists actually are. Instruments in midi are defined by program and bank numbers which can be defined in the track properties dialog. Different synthesizers put different instrument sounds on different program and bank numbers. For instance, on a GM synth, bank 0 program 0 is a piano sound, while on another synth I have, bank 0 and program 0 is a violin ensemble because it uses its own layout that has nothing to do with GM. Therefore, the instrument lists that you can assign in Quick Windows Sequencer do not contain actual instrument sounds. They instead recall the correct program and bank numbers for that specific synthesizer. If you do not have the synthesizer or module that the list was made for, the list will be of little use to you unless you just want to peruse it to see the instrument layout of the synth.
Also, never put anything on channel 0 unless you have a specific reason to. Always use channels 1 through 16 during normal operation. Channel 0 is only useful for specific purposes, mainly global settings which apply across all channels or for midi type 0 files which have all channels consolidated into one. Chances are, if you're changing instruments, and you have the correct list assigned and you still aren't hearing the changes being made, you're probably on channel 0.
Normally to change and assign instruments, you would first make a new track, set its channel anywhere from 1 to 16, and set the instrument. As you move through the instruments, they will change on the fly, however for the on screen keyboard, the procedure is a little different. For a midi keyboard, you can simply up and down arrow through the list and play the keyboard as you go, since the instruments change on the fly as I said. But for on screen, after changing instruments, you then have to press enter to get back into the main window, as the on screen keyboard can only be accessed from there. If everything works as expected, the instrument should change accordingly.
Hope that helped.

The lag you are getting is a result of the awfully made Microsoft GS Wavetable driver, and there is nothing you can do about it. You will have to use another synth. Unfortunately that's not always easy. You can improve things by getting a free synth called Bassmidi which is pretty good and isn't quite as laggy, and it allows you to import your own sounds. It's not the easiest thing to set up and is buggy on certain systems but is generally okay once you get it working first time.
However for the best experience, you need at least an entry level midi keyboard, I'd recommend the lower spectrum of the Yamaha PSR series, which if I remember start at about $200 but could be even lower by now. Once again setting it up isn't the easiest thing in the world but it's not tricky if you know how the connections work. They have plenty to get you started and have their own built-in sounds, which you can later add on to by using VST plug-ins. Problem with VST plug-ins is that they're also laggy unless you have Asio drivers, which depending on system setup may be impossible to get without purchasing a separate sound card which natively includes them.
So as you can see, there's no 10 second simple sollution, whatever you do, you're going to have to do some setup and it may confuse you. It confused me greatly when I first started out.
As for having "real" instruments in QWS, that is a common source of confusion. You cannot record a "real" instrument and just use it as if it were midi data. Midi and audio are two separate things. Midi is the instructions to tell the synth what notes to play, so it's like sheet music. Audio is the actual sound waves that we hear. QWS can't deal with audio, it can just handle midi data. You can convert midis to mp3 with different utilities, but honestly there are so many of them that I never bothered looking for one. Many decent midi players, especially those that don't use the Wavetable driver, have converters built in. I use one called XM play which uses the same engine as the Bassmidi synth I mentioned earlier. Most of the synthesizers I use are hardware anyway, so in order to make an mp3 of a track, I literally have to play the track and record the output in a sound recording program.

Thanks for your explanations. They shed some light on the matter.
I'm gonna try out that bassmidi synth you suggested. Hope in the end it'll be worth the effort, since you said, "It's not the easiest thing to set up".

Seriously, the skipping is really jarring. It wasn't doing it last night, but it's been doing it since I started my computer this morning, starting about a couple minutes into the midi file while I'm playing it back. I repeat, between last night when I was happily listening to the midi files because they were that good, and this morning when I turned on my computer, I had done nothing to QWS period, let alone anything to warrant such a change in playback.

Lol K, I've considered doing that myself, though most of the sound fonts I compose for are small enough that the glitches don't last long for me, maybe just a few milliseconds. With big fonts though it becomes a real problem, especially if the font is on a USB drive.
Imaginatrix, your problems with Coolsoft are sadly relatively common. I can't speak much for the driver personally as I only used it for a small amount of time, but it uses the same core engine as Bassmidi does, all be it an older version if my recollection is correct. You can adjust coolsoft's lag, but it requires sighted assistance from what I can tell. However when you adjust it once, an entry will be created in the coolsoft config ini and you can further change it from there. If I still had my old ini lying around, I'd post it someplace and you could paste it into your coolsoft config and change it from there. However since I prefer Bassmidi and it works better on my system, I go to that. also just a thought, maybe things would improve if you uninstall Bassmidi and clear all remnants of it from your system. I seem to remember the two drivers conflicting with each other and it was a hell of a trip to get something working again.
The skipping problems you're having may be indeed what K said, that the driver is loading samples as it needs them and making the output skip as it does so, or they may also be indicative of sound buffering issues. If you can record a sample of it, I may be able to hear what's going on.
Sorry you're having so much trouble!

Okay, I'll keep an eye out for it, though I am pretty bad at checking pms. I know what you mean by Bassmidi clonking out on you, a friend of mine who has a lot of experience with midi was having very similar troubles with it, and even with the two of us working together we simply could not fix it. I even watched him do it and can confirm that he was doing everything right, but the driver output would sputter and die. I think he even had issues with Coolsoft, though not sure.

Okay, now that things are back to normal (YAYYY), I have another question. Where are all the cool things like heartbeat and thunder and the sample drums for that matter? I see them on the lists but I can't select them because they don't seem to have program numbers, and yet I know there must be a drumset available since it's been used before when I've played midi files back. I've found a few of the things like ocean waves and tweeting birds, but others just aren't there for some reason, even though they show up in the Instruments dropdown menu. I wanna play around with these things!

Hello.
About CoolSoft MidiSynth delay, you don't need sighted assistance to
remove it.
I don't know if the names of the options are the same because I use a
translation of it.
Anyways, in its configuration screen, go to the advanced options tab, go
to "additional buffers", remove the value and put in 0.
About having different soundfonts in separate channels, I don't know if such a thing was possible.
I used a script to change the bank numbers of instruments in a
soundfont.
Generally, if you don't have a MIDI instrument, you'll get a piano.
To play the GS instruments (heartbeat) you'll need a GS soundfont to put
accompanyingly with Arachno.
The drums only work on channel 9 (or 10 in QWS).

Greettings all!

You may want to look at:
http://www.andrelouis.com/qws/articles.htm
, for trouble-shooting articles and the like.
Also, you may wish to have a look at the QWS mailing list:
http://www.andrelouis.com/qws/maillist.htm

The Imaginatrix: All those soudn effects like thunder, heartbeat, etc, are a special drum set. I don't remember the program number (it's usually the same as Trumpet, I think?), but you just set the channel to the percussion channel (usually 10?), then change the program to pick different drumsets.

At the Blasting GD: The problem with crackling only ever happens for me when I have the pedal down too long, and all the quiet-but-still-playing resonance builds a big destructive interference wave. I was under the impression that you had to actively keep the pedal down using the QWS onscreen keyboard, but maybe there's something in whatever sound font you're using that won't stop playing in a timely fashion? The solution should be to have every note stop playing. I suppose there could be some "memory leak" somewhere--like, if you have a note on when you switch octaves, does it stay on forever?--and things like that. I dunno, I've only run into it in the specific case of leaving the pedal down too long.

Here's the list I'm seeing, starting from what I believe to be the first sound effect. I have tried seashore and one bird sample, as they're accessible. So is gunshot and applause, and they have all had an entire keyboard to themselves.
FL.Key Click
Seashore
Rain
Thunder
Wind
Stream
Bubble
Bird
Dog
Horse Gallop
Bird 2 (side note: There are a lot of extra instruments that appear to have the same program number, therefore I only seem to get the first one. )
Kitty
Growl
Telephone1
Telephone2
Door Creaking
Door
Scratch
Wind Chimes
Scratch2
Helicopter
Car Engine
Car Stop
Car Pass
Car Crash
Siren
Train:
Jetplane
Starship
Burst Noise
Applause
Laughing
Screaming
Punch
Heart Beat
Footsteps
Applause2
Gun Shot
Machine Gun
Lazargun
Explosion
I've tested some of these out and they're all the same sound no matter what octave I'm on, just lower or higher pitch, and that's just the ones I can access. Does anyone else with Windows7 and QWS know why these things are showing up in the instrument list when I can't get at them?
Edit: I've tried changing the bank numbers as well but that's not making any difference.