2024 Note on Registrations

Dark · 2021-04-11 04:02:48

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How many cyber elves does it take to change a llight-bulb?
No really, I don't know, it's a serious question.

Let's find out.

First, remove old light-bulb!

Crash!

No the light socket is on the ceiling.

Jump crash! Jump crash!
Look, your a two foot high elf, the ceiling is about eight feet away.

Crash crash crash crash!

How many times must I tell you, elves are not stackable, get the step ladder.

Crash!

That was the window.

Crash!

That was the other window.

Hold on a minute while I move anything breakable out of the, ...

Crash!

I said wait! I haven't finished moving the, ....

Crash!

Oh alright, just climb the bloody ladder then.

Step step step!

Okay, this is working surprisingly well, now, unscrew the old light-bulb.

fizzzzzz!

Okay, turn the electricity off first.

No, having nice clean hands will not protect you from the,

fizzzz!

Alright, I've turned off the electricity, you go up the ladder, the rest of you, start getting the burned elf stains out of the carpet.

Now, unscrew the old light-bulb.

Crash!

No, turn it, don't use a screw driver, and stop waving it around before, ...
splitch!

Okay, memo to self, elf plus screw driver plus step ladder plus other elf is not a good combination.

Okay, try again, go up the ladder, grab the old bulb and turn it, ----no the bulb not the ladder!

Crash!

Try that again.

Unscrew click.

Right then, now all you need to do is climb the ladder and put in the new one.

What do you mean you don't have a new one?
Well go and buy one, the hardware shop's just across the road.

No! you need to wait for the traffic to, ...

Splat! Squeal! crunch!

Well I haven't answered the question of how many cyber elves does it take to change a light-bulb, but on the plus side, I've found a fantastic new recipe for cyber elf pancakes.

While I try to explain to the driver of that truck that yes, I'm sure his insurance will cover getting the elf stains off his fender, I'll leave everyone with this week's updates.

Updates by Dark:

Crypt shyfter: Removed links, changed license to unknown and entirely rewrote the description to reflect the games unavailability.

Hell Hunter anti-nomen: expanded description now that I’ve finished the game.

Added Steam link, and cleaned up descriptions to A blind legend, Skullgirls and Audio wizards,

With our dreaming and singing, Ceaseless and sorrowless we! The glory about us clinging Of the glorious futures we see,
Our souls with high music ringing; O men! It must ever be
That we dwell in our dreaming and singing, A little apart from ye. (Arthur O'Shaughnessy 1873.)

defender · 2021-04-11 05:58:25

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LOL this one really made me laugh.

PREPARE
YOUR
ANUS!
https://freesound.org/people/SilverIllu … nds/546960

Dark · 2021-04-11 08:57:13

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Thanks defender, I have no idea where this one came from, just blame trying to write site updates at three in the morning after a scary amount of time reading the hunger games prequal .
that's also why there aren't as many updates this week as I would've liked.

With our dreaming and singing, Ceaseless and sorrowless we! The glory about us clinging Of the glorious futures we see,
Our souls with high music ringing; O men! It must ever be
That we dwell in our dreaming and singing, A little apart from ye. (Arthur O'Shaughnessy 1873.)

alex19EP · 2021-04-11 14:53:44

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how cruel.

Dark · 2021-04-11 17:19:41

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@Alex, I completely agree! The cyber elves show absolutely no care for what is stained or broken, or for people's inconvenience, I mean, did they think about that poor guy's truck before maliciously attacking it, an attack which has resulted in a really bad stain. Did they think about the poor person needing to clean the elf stains off the truck, or the road, or indeed the carpet?
No! That's the problem with cyber elves, absolutely no sense of perspective, well that and a terminal case of clumsiness.

With our dreaming and singing, Ceaseless and sorrowless we! The glory about us clinging Of the glorious futures we see,
Our souls with high music ringing; O men! It must ever be
That we dwell in our dreaming and singing, A little apart from ye. (Arthur O'Shaughnessy 1873.)

Dakonna · 2021-04-11 21:03:37

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Dark, one of your cyber elves shat in my garden. Please punish him... oh no wait. I think my dog already did. He's wagging his tail and drooling all over the ground. Looks like Rover likes the taste of raw elf. You might want to install some defenses around the elf barracks.

I used to be a knee like you, then I took an adventurer in the arrow.

Dark Eagle · 2021-04-12 05:50:48

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Looks like someone forgot to program those elves properly by using write algorithms.

Take notice people, this is what happens when you don't explain to the computer everything in excruciating amount of detail, what task are you intending to perform, and how it should be performed.

Muse of Eagle, my blog

Dark · 2021-04-12 07:12:46

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@Conor, Ah, I see the problem, I was trying to get one of the cyber elves to work in the kitchin the other day and told it I didn't want onions in my hotdog, whereupon the irritating little creature went and found a hot dog and tried to check if there were any onions inside it.

@Dark eagle, You are absolutely correct that it is the programming of the elf algorithms that is the problem, however this is also done by other cyber elves. I've tried to rewrite the elf internal logic, but I always come up against the three laws of elfonics:

1: An elf must always annoy a human being, or through in action allow a human being to get annoyed.

2: An elf must always obey all orders given by a human being, accept where this would conflict with the first law.

3: An elf must have absolutely no regards for its own existence at all, accept where this would conflict with the first or second laws.

With our dreaming and singing, Ceaseless and sorrowless we! The glory about us clinging Of the glorious futures we see,
Our souls with high music ringing; O men! It must ever be
That we dwell in our dreaming and singing, A little apart from ye. (Arthur O'Shaughnessy 1873.)

kavya · 2021-04-14 07:04:57

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lol nice one dark, maybe you should start a class which teaches you jokes like this, just kidding.
really, how do you do it? I mean, do you watch comity shows or something?
I always love your updates, but this... I just have no words.
now for something I thought of.
this is trying to get siber elves to play games.
let's start with something simple, how about super shot?
ok, just go to audio games.net to install it.
there, now click game list.
no, don't click the mouse, just press enter.
no, not here, go to game list and press enter.
weight, why are you opening google maps?
no, don't look for a place called game list, just click the link on the site.
ok fine, I've clicked on game list, now press control f, and type super shot.
there. now press escape.
now press enter, and click the link called download.
no, there's no link called, the link called download, just... oh never mind.
there, I've clicked the download link, now just press alt and s.
good, now it's downloading.
ok, just press shift f6 and run the setup file.
no, don't run with the laptop, just hit enter.
nooo,
crash.
the siber elf got squashed under the laptop, and now the entire bottom is stained.
now who's going to cleen that up?
i know it's not as good as yours, but it just came into my mind.
thanks again for the hilarious post.

Dakonna · 2021-04-14 08:42:29

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1: Brits have the best humor.
2: Life experience helps. I don't know Dark's actual age but all the good comedians I've heard are usually past young adulthood.
Also, who do you think is gonna (try) to clean that mess up?
That#s right... more cyber elves!

I used to be a knee like you, then I took an adventurer in the arrow.

kavya · 2021-04-14 09:36:42

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@connor, maybe your right about the humor.
as for cyber elves cleaning the laptop, um, no thanks. i think they have dun enough, lol.

Dark · 2021-04-14 19:57:55

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Frequently, I have absolutely no idea what I'm actually going to write until the point (usually at some ungodly hour of the morning), when I sit down and start writing, I'm glad people like what actually comes out in the end .

Funny you saying that brits make the best comedians Conor, since we're generally a pretty miserable lot.

Don't believe me? Take a listen to this very accurate portrayal of English weather!

With our dreaming and singing, Ceaseless and sorrowless we! The glory about us clinging Of the glorious futures we see,
Our souls with high music ringing; O men! It must ever be
That we dwell in our dreaming and singing, A little apart from ye. (Arthur O'Shaughnessy 1873.)

Dan Gero · 2021-04-14 20:41:55

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So, let me get this straight.Going by order of the month you have cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, hot, cold, cold, cold, cold, and cold. Did I get that right?

Discord: dangero#0750
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Dark · 2021-04-15 05:59:00

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@Dan_Gero, yes, plus the snow, frost, sleet, rain rain rain rain rain sleet, hail rain and did I mention rain .

I've heard it said that most places have climate, Britain has weather! Since while a lot of places in the world have far worse weather in terms of snowfall or monsoons or the like Britain just has this sort of low grade fuggy constant Blatter which never really decides what its doing from day to day, and usually means some degree of rain, or fog or something which isn't really bad enough to be spectacular, but is just damp and dismal enough to be annoying!

I suspect this is why, as I said, we are a miserable, miserable bunch .

With our dreaming and singing, Ceaseless and sorrowless we! The glory about us clinging Of the glorious futures we see,
Our souls with high music ringing; O men! It must ever be
That we dwell in our dreaming and singing, A little apart from ye. (Arthur O'Shaughnessy 1873.)

Dakonna · 2021-04-15 17:33:57

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But Monty Python...

I used to be a knee like you, then I took an adventurer in the arrow.

Dark · 2021-04-15 18:01:40

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And what makes you think the montipython crew are not also miserable, miserable people? Here is the evidence.

With our dreaming and singing, Ceaseless and sorrowless we! The glory about us clinging Of the glorious futures we see,
Our souls with high music ringing; O men! It must ever be
That we dwell in our dreaming and singing, A little apart from ye. (Arthur O'Shaughnessy 1873.)

2024 Note on Registrations

site updates 11th April

Posts: 16

#1 Topic by Dark 2021-04-11 04:02:48 (edited by Dark 2021-04-11 04:04:38)

#2 Reply by defender 2021-04-11 05:58:25

#3 Reply by Dark 2021-04-11 08:57:13

#4 Reply by alex19EP 2021-04-11 14:53:44

#5 Reply by Dark 2021-04-11 17:19:41 (edited by Dark 2021-04-11 17:46:00)

#6 Reply by Dakonna 2021-04-11 21:03:37 (edited by Dakonna 2021-04-11 21:04:54)

#7 Reply by Dark Eagle 2021-04-12 05:50:48

#8 Reply by Dark 2021-04-12 07:12:46 (edited by Dark 2021-04-12 07:15:30)

#9 Reply by kavya 2021-04-14 07:04:57

#10 Reply by Dakonna 2021-04-14 08:42:29

#11 Reply by kavya 2021-04-14 09:36:42

#12 Reply by Dark 2021-04-14 19:57:55 (edited by Dark 2021-04-14 19:59:30)

#13 Reply by Dan Gero 2021-04-14 20:41:55

#14 Reply by Dark 2021-04-15 05:59:00

#15 Reply by Dakonna 2021-04-15 17:33:57

#16 Reply by Dark 2021-04-15 18:01:40 (edited by Dark 2021-04-15 18:01:54)

Posts: 16