It's April 2. I'm still not on staff. So no, this was not a joke. In the interest of full disclosure, I'll tell you that yes, this was intended, in its infancy, as a prank. However, literally within minutes of me saying I wanted to do this, it very quickly became evident that there was a lot more going on than me wanting to have fun. That's when I realized that all those annoying feelings I was dealing with weren't just making me frustrated; they were making me angry, they were wearing me out, they were grinding me down.
No, you don't have to tell me that a prank like this would have been in seriously bad taste. I know it full well. Perhaps this will indicate to you, if nothing else has, that it was high time for me to take a step back.
There may be a point where I speak with the staff team, a few months or more from now, to see if I'm still wanted on the team, if I feel I'm in a position to help. That time is not now. For the moment, this hiatus is permanent. We'll see where things are in awhile. You can be rest assured of one thing, however; if I say I'm done with something, I'm done with it. It is never my intention to toy with people's emotions.
I'm not leaving entirely, but I'm done being a punching-bag. Yesterday, in particular, really woke me up all the way to the toxicity in this community, and to the fact that not a single one of us who has volunteered to assume responsibility has earned even a tenth of the vitriol we've been splashed with. I won't ever try and downplay my mistakes, not for any reason, but I'm also not going to see myself as weak or inherently not built for community engagement. I've done advocacy of this nature for several other places in my lifetime, and not once have I ever gotten this sort of kickback, so I can only conclude that it's a feature of the community, not of the people trying to maintain it.
I hope that this community continues to flourish under the guidance of the remaining staff members. I trust their judgment and their intentions; you should too.
I am sorry to anyone that I have hurt or upset. I am not sorry for trying to do the right thing.
I am sorry for giving people bad impressions when I first came here. I am not sorry for having human emotions and expectations.
Most of all, I am sorry if my leaving is letting anyone, staff or member alike, down. I am not sorry for doing what is best for me.
I'm going to respectfully ask that if you have anything else to say that might be construed as negative, you take it up with me personally. I'm going to further request that staff be ready to close this topic if it starts to spiral. This is bittersweet enough for me as it is.
Check out my Manamon text walkthrough at the following link:
https://www.dropbox.com/s/z8ls3rc3f4mkb … n.txt?dl=1