@ghostrider
I find it almost near impossible to reply to such a profound statement, and yet, I feel I must.  It is my hope and prayer that you will gleam something from it that will sustain you if only a little longer, since every moment you have committed yourself to life is yet another intense battle won in a grueling war, and make no mistake; you've done well.  From your admission that you fall into seemingly endless pits and don't know what to do or how to do it, to your embracing the hurt and the anger and distress you have coped with thus far, shouldering it as best you know how without knowing how, struggling under the burden of it all to fight another day is nothing short of heroic.  Consider your age, your abilities, your place in life and in this world.  Then, consider that others who would claim they are much older, much wiser, much more solidly ground and mentally sound have succumb to the end.  Regardless what we make of it, right or wrong, good or bad, heartless or otherwise, the choice to continue living, to resist the call to call it quits because your life seems to have spun out of your control and dealing with it in complete doubt no longer seems like a solution, your heart continues beating, your pulse continues channeling, your mind continues turning, and while you may not see it, your love continues growing.
If you haven't heard it today, if you've never heard it in your life, then let me be the first to say to you that I'm proud of you, proud of what you've accomplished, which is more than I did when I was somewhat in your shoes.  I didn't speak.  I didn't want to admit I was afraid.  I didn't wish to hold onto anyone or seem dependant.  I fled from all of that and chose to dwell in the darkest of places where many horrid calamities present themselves, where the conclusion seems to be the end of all stories.  I would dwell in my mind, and there was no escape.
And in this self pity I wallowed for far too long, without anyone caring because no soul knew, and no soul knew because I would not reveal, not befriend, not attempt at any point to venture forth to do anything about and or with myself.  I lay in bed and wished for the end, my mother and father both coming to my door and trying to offer me meals, my sister doing her best to encourage me in her own little way by trying to be first helpful, then comical, then helpful again.  I discovered the difference between living and merely existing as a shell, a wreck of a person, an entity rather than an individual with individualistic traits and ideas and a personality.
But you?  You have done more than I have.  People call my posts eloquent; they say my speech is worth their attention.  I placed a mask over myself when I spoke to anyone on here or anywhere else my presence was required.  I went on performing like nothing had ever taken place in my life that would warrant sadness or fear or anything else that could be interpreted as negativity, all the while hurting myself, ignoring my frame of mind, a stringless dummy capable of bursting into flames and disintegrating and perishing into the wells of silence.  Were I to return to my past self I would tell myself to do what you've done, and that admission on my part is the highest praise and greatest acknowledgement I can give you.  it may not mean anything to you now, and it may never mean anything to you at all, ever, but I want you to know that I'm rooting for you, the two of you and your relationship.  I'm going to keep cheering you on and believing in you because that along with my prayers truly is all I have to offer, knowing that no amount of what I am doing may bring you true solace while simultaneously wishing and waiting for a day when you come back to us and tell us you made it, because I care, and I'm sure many others do too.

I agree with Nocturnus; I'm rooting and praying for you as well.

@Ghostrider, I'm sorry your new year is working out like that and your feeling such profound levels of apathy.
Howeverr, apathy is something that comes and goes.

You cannot change how your feeling, but it's far too easy to get into a spiral where your feelings cause you to act in such a way as to make those feelings worse.

For example, your feeling depressed so you do not eat, which in turn lowers your blood sugar, which causes you to feel more depressed so makes you less likely to eat etc.

You are showing determination in the way your enduring this, however might I suggest you find a point when you have the energy and put some of that determination to practical use in considering how to deal with the symptoms of what your feeling, sinse otherwise you'll just be enduring the same thing.

As I said, try and deal with the situation rationally if you can, sinse ultimately if you don't try to change anything, nothing will change, and while there is much you cannot change there are some very basic things you can do and would probably be better for doing them than just sitting around and feeling powerless.

Sorry if this is harsh, I have definitely been there and do appreciate the situation, however it's from that very fact that I'd suggest you perhaps need to put your considerable mind to work on this.

Remember, to quote Kiel Randor's father in the awesome Sf action adventure story young legionary, "Your feelings are like wild creatures. Try to crush them, or to pretend they aren't there, and they'll fight you, and they'll get stronger. You need to know them, learn and understand them. Let them come out where you can see them, and then, master them! Your feelings belong to you, you cannot belong to them!"

Dark is absolutely correct. Take that determination and do something practical with it. You can overcome this, Ghostrider! I am certan of it! I'm rooting for you; you can do this! I'll be praying!

GhostRider,
I do applaud you for being strong, even through the face of everything you're going through. Granted I don't know the whole story, I just happened to stumble upon this topic through some fluke. I do want to point out some things, however.
The previous poster has some amazingly good points. If this relationship is strictly RP and you guys haven't ever met, then there's a huge gap. I was in your shoes once, too. I met someone online and thought he was the best thing in the world, through RP sessions. I made the mistake of not telling my family. They found out anyway and it was a terrible time. Relationships need a face-to-face aspect. You can date long-distance, I did it, but I still saw the person I was dating face to face and actually got to touch them and talk with them and hear the voice they were given and not some robotic synthesizer.
It may seem hard to believe, but as the previous poster pointed out, not everyone is who they say they are. As my sociology professor says, "People lie."
I'm not the best on advice, but I can offer you this. It seems like you're in a stage of your life where you're not sure what you want, and it just seems like the end. Perhaps you should invest in professional help or find activities that make you happy to keep your mind from wandering to such unpleasant things.
If you ever need an ear, I'm around and will be happy to listen and offer what I can.
   ML

Cut off my wings and come lock me up
Just pull the plug yeah, I've had enough
Tear me to pieces, sell me for parts
You're all vampires so here

You can have my heart
You can have my heart
You can have my heart

The world's a funeral, a room of ghosts
No hint of movement, no sign of pulse
Only an echo, just skin and bone
They kick the chair but we, we help tie the rope

You can have my heart
You can have my heart
You can have my heart

So come rain on my parade
'Cause I wanna feel it
Come shove me over the edge
'Cause my head is in overdrive
I'm sorry, but it's too late
And it's not worth saving
So come rain on my parade
I think we're doomed
I think we're doomed
And now there is no way back

You must've made some kind of mistake
I asked for death, but instead I'm awake
The devil told me "No room for cheats"
I thought I sold my soul, but he kept the receipt

So leave the light on, I'm coming home
It's getting darker, but I'll carry on
The sun don't shine, but it never did
And when it rains, it fucking pours
But I think I like it
And you know that I'm in love with the mess
I think I like it

So come rain on my parade
'Cause I wanna feel it
Come shove me over the edge
'Cause my head is in overdrive
I'm sorry, but it's too late
And it's not worth saving

So come rain on my parade

I think we're doomed
I think we're doomed
And now there is no way back

I think we're doomed
I think we're doomed
And now there is no way back

So come rain on my parade
'Cause I wanna feel it
Come shove me over the edge
'Cause my head is in overdrive
I'm sorry, but it's too late
And it's not worth saving

So come rain on my parade
I think we're doomed
I think we're doomed
And now there is no way back

Bring Me The Horizon wrote it.

Perhaps it's to show Ghost Rider's feelings.
@ghost rider: I've been following the topic but I've not posted because I honestly don't know if I can offer any advice, because I'm worried if I try to do that, it might just make things worse for you and I don't want to do that.

It appears as though the cycle has began again... I cannot seem to find happiness in anything. And if I do, it is but fleeting... I've no one... I've no one... or so it feels...

I realise that not many people have commented here recently, but I think that it is an important issue that should not be dismissed, hence I would like to ask how things are going at the moment for ghost rider. Depending on certain factors, my views on this issue may differ from what other people have said, and ghost rider has failed to provide some key details in us helping with this issue; thus, I am not going to explicitly state my thoughts as I am not a person who specialises in this area, and I would be quite alarmed for ghost rider to suffer because of my advice.

We don't know the whole story, so I'm not going to say whether or not it could be considered family abuse.

I'm doing alright. She's in Europe for a while so I'm just kinda here...