2018-10-09 19:39:10

Hello guys!
Perhaps my question is stupid, but I will ask!
For blind guys who met with sighted girls.
For a long time I communicate with one girl from my city. We like each other.
This girl recently invited me to meet in reality.
But the problem. I don't know well around the city. It is easier for me to pay money and hire a personal driver or escort than to go on my own.
I study the orientation of the blind, but I am far from the results.
What should I do in this situation? Where to meet the girl and how to arrange it?
Thank you!
My English is bad, but I hope you understand me.

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2018-10-09 22:12:48

Firstly, does the girl know your blind? If not things might be a little difficult, since most sighted people are a little awkward the first time they encounter a blind person, and it might confuse things especially in romantic terms.

Assuming the girl knows your blind, I'd suggest arranging to meet at a place you can get to yourself, EG a local cafe near your house or a park, somewhere public and inoffensive. Make sure that it is a place you can get to and from easily, even if you have to go outside and order a taxi, that way you can be free to leave or stay as long as you personally want.
Either that or look at sharing an activity with each other at some sort of event of mutual  interest such as a concert.
I also hear from others who've done the distance relationship thing that its never wise to try and meet at each other's respective residences first time around.

then again I freely admit I am no expert on this, the conventional @asking [email protected] process is one I'm deeply and eternally suspicious of and one that's never worked for me.

With our dreaming and singing, Ceaseless and sorrowless we! The glory about us clinging Of the glorious futures we see,
Our souls with high music ringing; O men! It must ever be
That we dwell in our dreaming and singing, A little apart from ye. (Arthur O'Shaughnessy 1873.)

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2018-10-09 23:41:00

I agree.  Keep yourself in a position where you are able to walk away on your own volition without any problem/troubles.

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2018-10-10 09:54:14



Then i am really awkward, cause my gf and i talked a lot via skype and tt, but met the first time in holland at my house and it worked out to be a very awsome time. But my gf is blind as well, so it doesn't perfectly fit in the question as an awnser.

But @1,

Normally it is indeed wise to meet at a place where you are in public, and as dark mentioned, it is very inportant she knows you're blind.

Greetz mike

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2018-10-10 13:16:47

I hope you sent her a photograph of you first.
Looking neat and smelling good leads to a better first impression when meeting.
This means dressing well maybe in a suit and having my hair cut before the meeting.
I would invite her to a restaurant or food shop or coffee or tea shop.
I would hire a taxi or Uber to take you and bring you back, through a mobile or cell phone.
If you use a cane I would carry it but I prefer folding canes that are not a problem when sitting down.
Showing her a big smile when meeting and reaching out a hand to shake helps.
Showing her you use technology with a new smart phone, using Seeing AI app to read a menu, or Blind Square to tell you what is around you should impress her.
When you are talking try to look in her direction, and do not look nervous, avoiding rocking back and forth, scratching and stuttering.
Think up things to talk about before you get together.
Don't talk about yourself too much unless she asks questions.
Ask her questions about herself, things that you don't know already, her favorite movie, tv show book or type of music.
At the end of the meal, offer to pay for both of you, and order a taxi to meet you outside the place.

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2018-10-10 14:53:09 (edited by GauravSharma 2018-10-10 14:57:58)

Keep in mind the points raised by post5, and confidence is the key to charm any girl, be that blind or sighted. I agree, dating sighted girls may seem a bit daunting at first, seeing the stereotypes surrounding the blind guys as well as sighted girls need to look into the eyes of their partners during dates (an evolutionary trait), but if you do it right you can be successful in a blind-sighted relationship, indeed I know many such couples who'd fallen in love that way, leading a perfectly normal and happy life.

Deep in our hearts is a capacity of infinite good or infinite evil. What path we choose is up to us.
In the end, we all have to meet the same fate-the oblivion of nonexistance, an event horizon from where not even thought can emerge...
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2018-10-10 15:45:30

@Phil: Disagree entirely with getting dressed up to go somewhere to impress a girl. If she's actualy interested in you she'll look past the fact you're esntially buying her a free meal...which by the way there's guys and girls out there who go on dates just to get free food from hapless people.

No, just be yourself. That's the best advice I can offer. Be yourself. Don't dress yourself up and go out to eat if that's not what you usally do.  If you just want to kick back on a couch with popcorn, movies and pizza and things that's fine...but there's a certain class of girl who wil expect to get treated like royalty and expect that.

Just, like I was saying @1:

Be yourself. Don't fake who you are to get somebody. That....never ever ever ends well, and keep an escape plan open as mentioned so you can get out if things go badly. Also don't be afraid of it not working out. I know. Sounds paradoxical....but....you live and learn.

If in doubt, chocolate and coffee. Enough said.

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2018-10-10 16:32:43

I agree with post 7. Also meet her somewhere, do not go in her car, if you do, at least make sure you have the money to get a taxi, uber, or lyft if something goes badly. Yes definitely make sure she knows that you're blind, never try to hide that, it will not work well. The best traits to have are openness and honesty. Do not ever try to fake it. Just be yourself and if that means you have to go on a dozen or more dates before you find someone, and that means you have to suffer a few break ups and find someone else, that's fine. What the big picture here is be yourself and you eventually will find someone it will work with. Also make sure you don't confuse your intentions. What do you want out of this, do you want a relationship? Remember that relationships are commitments and they take work to keep up. You don't want to be a heart breaker because you get into a relationship and freak out and not really do anything. If what you want is casual sex, that is probably closer than you think. Some girls are perfectly fine with that kind of arrangement. But if you are looking for a relationship, just be open and honest and true to yourself and that's really the best you can do.

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2018-10-10 20:05:45

So, something I was gonna touch on is this....

For confidence, it's a balancing act. You don't want to seem too timid, but you also don't wanna sem to overly confident at all initially else both may scare a woman off, both if you seem to or have no confidence, or if you're overly confident. The latter can get you into a mettric ton of trouble if you ain't careful....

If in doubt, chocolate and coffee. Enough said.

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2018-10-11 03:45:22

actually i haven't found anyone yet and i'm myself all the time I think i'm just too wierd haven't found a woman as wierd as me quite yet. lol.  As far as the suit thing? no no no no no. that's over doing it unless you're well-off and going to some ritzey restaurant which i wouldn't recomend for a first date. Keep it casual. you don't want to scare this woman off. One squirt of cologne should do it you may not beable to smmell it but she will. trust me.  I'm sort of the romantic type so even if it's a first date i sometimes bring them a white rose if i can get to a place that sells them. But that's just my own personal touch.

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2018-10-11 05:06:54

one key point all of you forgot! be sure to make them laugh! making them laugh is a big point in this situation. but, do not, and I can not stress this enough, do not, make up lame ass jokes.

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2018-10-11 08:36:29

@11: Not totally true, depending on who the girl is they may like said jokes....or not. Or like things you don't. It all depends on the girl. Different people find different things funny though.

Also this: If you get a bad vibe about things or something seems off,don't just if you haven't met up yet, leave them hanging by suddenly cutting off talking to them. Instead let them down gently by finding a reason to get out of things but don't come off as a jerk.

@Michael: This may sound stupid but have you tried introducing women to the things you're into? Seriously, if a woman is open minded enough to at least try what you're into she may actually pick it up and like it. That way you'd not hafta worry bout being weird.

If in doubt, chocolate and coffee. Enough said.

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2018-10-11 09:57:27

@michael, one of the things I will say, is the conventional, guy asks girl out, they go on a "date" Ie an excurtion with romantic intent behind it type of traditional setup doesn't work for everyone.
Indeed, as I've said before on this forum its a setup which involves giving far more power to girls, since they have all the power of rejection on their side, as well as the cultural expectations that the guy will pay for a meal, transport etc.

I've never had any luck with the "Dating" process either. Lots of female friends, but never anything else. Admittedly, having genophobia (fear of sex),  likely didn't help either, but also so much of the "dating" culture is based on unspoken signals, verbal byplay and such, that apart from the fact that cultural expectations are all against you if your blind and male, (its significant  five out of six heterosexual couples with one disabled partner, the disabled person is the woman).

As I've said before on this site, I met the wonderful lady I'm married to on a mailing list. she liked my book reviews and asked for some technical advice, we then started exchanging emails, and eventually phone calls.

We very much began as friends first,  only after meeting in person was it abundantly clear to both of us that there was something more going on, indeed the only first sort of vaguely "date" like thing  we did was after  had come to visit me in my flat and we'd spent several days together and were definitely a couple.

So, while Nikita and others are welcome to try the hole conventional asking out dating thing, Its not something I'd recommend, just try talking to girls as friends, find some mutual interests, heck if I found a lady as weird as I am it must be possible for anyone big_smile.

With our dreaming and singing, Ceaseless and sorrowless we! The glory about us clinging Of the glorious futures we see,
Our souls with high music ringing; O men! It must ever be
That we dwell in our dreaming and singing, A little apart from ye. (Arthur O'Shaughnessy 1873.)

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2018-10-11 12:56:44

For those who don't like to wear suits, I get confidence wearing one.
Before I went blind, I wore them at work when I designed clothing stores, so I was involved in the display and look of suits.
I attracted rich confident beautiful women. When I went blind they all stopped calling and visiting and inviting me to their parties.
I began to date blind women and I still wore suits as I was comfortable in them.
Now that I am married to a blind woman I only ware suits to special events like weddings and such.

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2018-10-11 13:05:51

Yes PHil but you can't assume the same for everyone though. Plus you said wearing a suit attracts rich beautiful girls. See my previous remarks about girls getting a fre meal. Or in other words, you wear a suit, there's absolutely girls out there and guys who take advantage of that and have preconcieved notions if you show up wearing a suit however. You simply can't speak for every situation though Phil. Plus if you turn up wearing a suit and a girl's expecting more casual wear it may wel scare her off as well though.

If in doubt, chocolate and coffee. Enough said.

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2018-10-11 15:16:25

I'll say the suit thing is probably either generational, or to do with work specifically.

My brother as a solicitor wouldn't go to any of his work related functions in anything less than a suit, frequently a three piece suit with waste coat, however when he goes out with his friends at the anime society or with his other interests he dresses more casually, albeit still smartly.

The best advice I heard  clothing was from  female friend of mine who said the best clothing you can  is smart enough to not look like a slob, EG trousers with a crease, a shirt with a colar rather than a pair of old genes or jogging trousers, and a t shirt, but make sure what you wear has some sort of unique quality to it.

She then complemented me since I have several embroidered shirts I really like with dragons on them big_smile.

Obviously if your going to a formal ball or the like and require a tux etc, its useful to firstly have one, secondly have a nice one,  thirdly be comfortable enough wearing one, butt unless your doing something like that its probably not necessary.

With our dreaming and singing, Ceaseless and sorrowless we! The glory about us clinging Of the glorious futures we see,
Our souls with high music ringing; O men! It must ever be
That we dwell in our dreaming and singing, A little apart from ye. (Arthur O'Shaughnessy 1873.)

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2018-10-11 15:36:16

We need a guide written about  blind people dating sighted girls. I think y'all geniuses can do this, so that the seemingly-impossible task can become way way easier. See how many guides are there for sighted people, none for blinds.

Deep in our hearts is a capacity of infinite good or infinite evil. What path we choose is up to us.
In the end, we all have to meet the same fate-the oblivion of nonexistance, an event horizon from where not even thought can emerge...
Find me on Twitter

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2018-10-11 21:58:09

While a suit in this case might be a little much, the fact of the matter is your appearance matters.  It's not fair, it's stupid, but it's true; if you come out with messy hair, wrinkled shirt, and not having showered today, you're going to give off the impression that you don't give a shit about the meating; people appretiate the effort it takes, especially on a first meeting/date/etcetera, a person who takes a few minutes to put themselves in order and look nice.

If you're going to a nice restaurant, a button down and a nice pair of jeans won't go a miss.  If you're going on a picknick, a nice tee or polo with some shorts and flipflops, or shoes and a light jacket, wouldn't go a miss either.

Your actions, even in grooming yourself, speak here.  Don't go looking like a slob.  And for the love of all that is holy brush your teeth.  No one wants your morning breath wafting in their face haha.  Remember, if she's special to you, the effort you show in making her feel that way will show.  That includes taking an extra 20 minutes to dress and smell well.  It's like work.  Dress for the part!

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2018-10-11 22:09:39

@18: True but at the same time you don't want to appear too perfect or that raises flags. Also shorts and flip flops...I dunno where you go forpicnics but shorts are asking for insects and bbugs to get up in there and cause problems...I'd suggest comfortable pants/shoes for a picnic. I know women who like long hair, who like short, some who like facial hair, some who don't...it all depends on what that woman is into. THere's no universal rule for what to wear or how to be groomed aside from hygenic. I'd say subtly find out what she's into clothing wise but don't change your hair/grooming to match what she wants solely to please her. If you have long hair and she likes short hair don't just slice your hair off just to please her. Instead work it into say a ponytail or something like that, for example.

Also, this might be personal experience but...but...girls like people who are well read/up on TV and things, so a workiing knowledge of books such is a good starting point...f.ex....Alice and Bob shall demonstrate

Alice: Hey Bob
BOb: Hey, I was looking for something to read
Alice: I'd suggest this book series
Bob: Ah I wasn't interested in it though but I saw the TV series and liked it
Alice: THey did a TV series?
Bob: Yeah they did. It's pretty good
Alice: Awesome. You into reading then?
Bob: Yep I read a lot
Alice: Sweet!
Bob: It is. Hey Alice I was wondering if you'd like to come out for a coffee with me tomorrow?
Alice: Sure, we can talk about books

Now that won't work for every situation but you see how it went, Bob mentioned books, segued into TV seiries and got to meet up for coffee and discuss mutual interests. Point is. SIghted girls don't care about blind people things.

If in doubt, chocolate and coffee. Enough said.

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2018-10-12 04:59:51

Why would a sighted girl date a blind guy?
1. A blind guy gives her great back massages especially with his sensitive fingers.
2. The working woman has a young kid and needs a guy to babysit him during the day.
3. The girl has a strange blotchy skin problem that sighted guys don't like.
4. The girl is beautiful but all she meets is gay guys in her modeling business.
5. The woman was abused and left her boyfriend, and needs someone safer.
6. The girl looks homely and doesn't want her date to look at all the other girls in the restaurant.
7. The blind guy is a singer or piano player and she loves his work.
8. The blind guy is super smart and wins  thousands of dollars in playing Jeopardy.
9. The blind guy has a great job as a doctor, lawyer, game designer, or writer.
10. The woman is developing electronic or bionic eyes and needs someone she can try them out on.

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2018-10-12 05:10:49

Lol Phil, amusing list, though I don't know how many  of those work in reality.

@Jace, mutual interests is pretty much the same for everyone, as I said I met my lady on a mailing list about books and music and we spend a lot of time chatting about books.

I'm not sure what you mean about "blind people things" exactly there in terms of what not to discuss.
Sometimes I have met sighted people with quite legitimate questions about tech, games or how I do things. One good friend of  did a degree in computer science and is doing a phd  literature and poetry with  emphasis on multimedia linguistics, so we actually often get into discussions about the mechanics of creating audiogames, audio interfaces, Cyoa adventures etc.

Generally I'd say its not about discussing this or not discussing that so much as just  having interests in common and listening to each other rather than constantly talking about yourself.
Then again as I said  less in favour of the hole traditional "dating" thing and more into the idea of just being friends with a girl and seeing where it goes after that, so its entirely possible my thoughts on the situation are a little different.

With our dreaming and singing, Ceaseless and sorrowless we! The glory about us clinging Of the glorious futures we see,
Our souls with high music ringing; O men! It must ever be
That we dwell in our dreaming and singing, A little apart from ye. (Arthur O'Shaughnessy 1873.)

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2018-10-12 08:58:29

At 20 that's true around here in my country. Most relations between blind guys and their sighted partners go crazy and they will eventually break up. However, there were several relationships that went well and the couple are now living in piece, but not many. In my book, the main issue is the society's way of thinking toward people with eye condition specially in my country. Hate to say it but, yeah.

You crushed my soul under your powerful fangs in cold blood. You torn it up, bit into it, slapped it too hard till it came apart, with each piece flying in every direction. You get to be happy now! or maybe, there's a little bit of humanity left in you?

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2018-10-12 11:34:15

I'm glad you caught the humor in my top ten list.
Some of those items are from my experience and of other blind guys I've talked to.
I don't think Stevie Wonder had any problem dating sighted women when he was single.
A blind friend dated and married an albino partially sighted woman.
A sighted woman admitted to me that she prefers to date blind guys because she feels safer with them.

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2018-10-12 20:00:00

See, and some people may think I'm a down right ass for this, but I'm just not big on the whole concept of chivalry as an expected thing.
See the way I see it is, I'll do those things, but I'd prefer to do them because I feel like it. Thankfully I have contrasting examples to back this up:
A few years ago, I dated a girl who never insisted I do things for her that men are expected to do (pay for dates, buying things, holding doors open, those types of things). Occasionally I did though - when I could, and that's because when I did she appreciated it very much and it made me twice as happy because not only did I get her something she wanted, it made her happy rather then her just expecting the man to do it.
However, a couple years later, I went on a date with another girl, and talked to her for a month following that. That thing fell apart as quickly and definitively as a house of cards in a hurricane. See I liked her a little bit initially - ironically though, she was the one who did the asking out, not me. Red flags started popping up though when she asked me if I was going to pay for her movie ticket, because "it's a date."
See, I barely knew her, but I knew her well enough to know I could have some good conversations with her. We'd met at a 5 week summer program, and this was the end of that. Anyway though we went out the Saturday after the camp ended, and I paid for the movie ticket - but again, she was just expecting it, so there was like no appreciation or gratification from that. Still, I brushed it off. The date went alright, we had some good conversation and held hands and such, nothing overall awkward happened.
We kept talking after that date for a month, at which point I finally decided we should just, be friends - there was no way it would work out. Literally, by the end of that month I'd felt there was something so wrong, that I was suffocating and absolutely needed out of there. I'll tell you a list of things that caused my attraction level to her to go from "hey, maybe?" To "no. Just no. I need out of this immediately."
-Asking me if I'd pay for the movie ticket, and then reacting when I did as though it was just expected.
-I went on vacation a week or so later, and she said I "should bring something back" for her.
-As we talked for that month, I began to realize just how much I was wrong about her being a good conversationalist. I would go on and on about something I was interested in - okay that sounds worse than it actually is. I'd talk about it for 30 seconds, maybe a minute, and all she'd have to say in return was "Oh, okay." She would sound bored, and withdrawn.
-One time even, she and I were in a group phone call with a friend of ours from camp. She had plenty to say to him, not me. When he suggested he'd add his best friend in the call, she was all for it - "Add him in!"... I basically sat on that call for a few minutes not knowing what to talk about before hanging up. I didn't call her for almost a week after that and when I did, she was like "Why haven't you called me?" In this playful, kind of flirty tone... - but all I wanted to respond with was "Why don't you think?"
-The last time we actually were together in person was super awkward. I invited her to a goalball practice, and then we went to have ice cream afterwards - me, her, my sister and dad, a guy my sister was friends with and who also played goal ball. Every time I'd try to strike up a conversation with her, she usually just said "yeah", or "oh yeah, okay" or something to that effect. My dad even playfully remarked to me, "Why aren't you talking to Rose?" To which my brain could only respond with a dumbfounded concoction of syllables that I didn't actually say, like "uh... um...". She had better conversation with my sister's friend than she did me.
-And finally, I told her it would not work when a couple days after that last meeting, she was like, "Do you still like me?" I didn't respond immediately so an hour later, "???" and then the next morning, she told me to call her and tell her how I felt.

See, I didn't think that experience effected me beyond being short term disgusted in myself, and temporarily trapped in something that would never work because I was 17 and wanted a girlfriend like many my age. Now though every time I meet someone I find remotely attractive, I guess it's a good thing - because I refuse to pursue that attraction unless I know I can build a good connection with them. It definitely instilled both a fear of dating new girls, as well as an innate bitterness towards those who expect chivalry but don't promise anything in return. That's not to say I don't find myself attracted to several different girls over the years, I'm a young man, of course I do. big_smile I am just loads more hesitant to pursue that attraction.

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2018-10-14 19:46:25

@dark, reagarding post 13.
I hear ya but i feel like i'm the nerdy sarcastic type and just haven't found anyone who's willing to put up with that. Met a girl once but after onne date and about 3 months of just talking she's like we're in a relationship now and i'm like no? we can build up to one but i don't want to rush.   
Maybe i should join more mailing lists eh? *wink*
I usually go into a dating situation with no expectations. so even though i was a little wierded out by that girl wanting a relationship right away it didn't bother me too much.

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