2021-04-07 18:04:21

Hi, folks,

For those of you who didn't know, I've been working in my spare time on cleaning up the Manamon 2 script. A user by the name of mara provided me a raw text dump of the game's script, and I took it upon myself to fix it up. It took way, way longer than I intended, but it's finally just about complete, and I thought it high time to show you if you want to see.
Check out the following Dropbox link:
https://www.dropbox.com/s/is2ccmn4sod2q … t.txt?dl=1

The bulk of the edits were actually adding quotation marks and fixing other punctuation, which were basically nonexistent in the original script. I definitely did change wording a fair bit as well, however. I left the story itself unchanged, of course, since this is well beyond the scope of such a project.
Let me know your thoughts.

Check out my Manamon text walkthrough at the following link:
https://www.dropbox.com/s/z8ls3rc3f4mkb … n.txt?dl=1

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2021-04-07 18:17:35 (edited by Zarvox 2021-04-07 18:18:39)

When he says there were no quotation marks, he literally means, no fucking quotation marks in that script. This is a native English speaker who is attending college in the United States. On top of that, you have misspellings like "your" instead of "you're" all over the god damn place!
This is embarrassing for a native English speaker in our country. It shows how fucking ignorant and stupid Americans have become. I am an American and I approve this message.

I'm probably not making much sense in this post. Fuck English and my inability to use it affectively.

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2021-04-07 18:24:10

Well, let's also remember that the dude is using friggin eloquence, and no braille display. Also, if not acquired already, he could seriously use a mechanical keyboard. And maybe a braillle display, though there are more barriers to obtaining one of those than a decent mechanical keyboard. If you don't have a braille display, use Espeak. Eloquence sucks at catching misspellings, but Espeak doesn't even have to try; one single slipup and the sentence readout is toast. If you're going to go this alone, you need at least that much, or, as we've said, this is why he needs an editor and should not write this kind of script as a one-man effort, on top of all the coding in the game. Speaking of which, well done Jayde.
All this being said, I wouldn't go reducing Aaron down to American ignorance, that's a bit much. The due isn't an idiot, far from it. He just has a nasty hhabbit of biting off more than he can chew.

I'm the only adventure at c: master hahahaha I have unlocked just about everything!

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2021-04-07 18:32:30

Yeah...I definitely want to make very, very clear here that my aim in posting this was to see what a script re-edit would look like. What it should absolutely -not be turned into is an Aaron-bashing session.
Yes, he needed an editor and didn't have one. Yes, there were a lot of issues. No, most of those issues shouldn't have made it past a first draft. However, I took on the project knowing they'd exist, and I fixed them. I'm more interested in what folks think of this draft than in trying to tear Aaron down. He has already faced plenty of blowback for his choices.

Check out my Manamon text walkthrough at the following link:
https://www.dropbox.com/s/z8ls3rc3f4mkb … n.txt?dl=1

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2021-04-07 18:34:10

I've already added in some of the missing variations Mara must not have come across in the text dump, so revisions are being made. Who knows, mybe if he sees this he will keep this effort in mind for the next game. There's probably going to be a Manamon 3 at some point, given what we saw of Quenset in Manamon 2. We all know how Aaron operates by now. He doesn't drop hints and extracts of another region just cause.

I'm the only adventure at c: master hahahaha I have unlocked just about everything!

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2021-04-07 18:53:31

@2, I'm glad I'm not the only one who noticed it, American blindies compared to blindies I've noticed from other English speaking places have horrid spellings, I mean, even worse than someone from a Slavic place like Slovenia like Urh for example. Go on sbyw, or look in the introductions topic, look at posts by techboy for example.

Who has any time for the letter h?

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2021-04-07 19:08:26

Yeah, mara obviously didn't play the game multiple times with all possible variations, and I didn't account for it either. I figure at this point, even if Aaron got only the script I uploaded, the game would be way, way cleaner because of it, even if it wasn't yet perfect.
Mara originally did have a postgame section, but I didn't leave that part in.

Check out my Manamon text walkthrough at the following link:
https://www.dropbox.com/s/z8ls3rc3f4mkb … n.txt?dl=1

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2021-04-07 19:39:08

yeah, aaron is a good guy. And he's far from the only poor speller I know.

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2021-04-07 19:43:55

@4: How should a mechanical keyboard help with spelling? I agree about the braille display though.

Greetings and happy gaming, Julian

If you say you never lie, you're a liar.

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2021-04-07 20:43:01

Because a dome membrane keyboard is mushy as all hell, and doesn't have good key rollover/antighosting.

I'm the only adventure at c: master hahahaha I have unlocked just about everything!

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2021-04-07 21:32:02

Well I need to clean mine because some keys like enter are double pressing and I havn't cleaned my board since I got it in 2016.
Still works but it does need a clean out of all the extra junk, skin mostly as I have issues but I don't eat near my rig anyway.

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2021-04-07 22:12:11

I can confirm, my typing inability is legendary. Usually when I turned in papers back in graduate school, I always had one person proofread it from the English department when they provided those services and did a second readthrough. Honestly, do any long writing project, and it's surprising how many spelling mistakes and grammar fails can appear. Even if for shorter bouts of writing, those types of errors were rare.

The answer to your question is forum.audiogames.net/search

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2021-04-08 01:37:25

Well, the solution to this wasn't a braille display. The solution is office 365. My spelling was bad in college, horrible in fact at first. But I had people proofread, but mostly would  run office spellcheck, which catches 99% of most errors. So I would get very minor and specialized feedback like don't capitalize f in fMRI in graduate school.

A learning experience is one of those things that say, "You know that thing you just did? Don't do that."

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2021-04-08 03:01:12

So yeah what the process for the script should've looked like is that he should've wrote it in word and then spellchecked it and then copied it into a text file which could be parsed by the game at compile time, but that's apparently not how things went. No quotation marks is bad I guess, but considering that nothing is visible visually and you can't normally navigate through any text letter by letter, he probably didn't think they were necessary. Just because you're in college doesn't mean you're in college for writing and therefore might not care about making your personal projects look professional, although yes he should've gotten an editor.

Sincerely,
Lucas.

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2021-04-08 04:14:57

in college you always receive guidance on good writing though at least first year, even if you don't study writing.

A learning experience is one of those things that say, "You know that thing you just did? Don't do that."

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2021-04-08 04:29:03

@Jayde:

Huge improvement. If Aaron was stikl active on the forum he would have done well to try and update the game with this edit. No, this is not an Aaron-bashing post; I've played his games any number of times and bought all of them. But an improved script in a game where story is important would make a good deal of difference to the game's atmosphere. He did mention that if someone could improve the script he would include it in the game, but that was over a year ago and he hasn't been on the forum since shortly after the release of Manamon 2, so that idea is probably dead. Pity.

I'm becoming an avid gamer. Perhaps I'll become as passionate a gamer as I am a reader.

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2021-04-08 04:31:06

Actually, for some screenreaders, the existing punctuation issues absolutely would have contributed to pronunciation hiccups. Small ones, but still noticeable.
But at the end of the day, I didn't post this in order to bash Aaron, or anyone else. I don't so much care that this needed done. I just did it, with a lot of mara's help and with some selected assistance from a couple of people who helped me vet the final product.

What I'm really curious about, for those of you who have read it, is this: what do you think of this version? I clarified a lot of language, and I think I gave almost every character a unique voice without totally just twisting Aaron's vision. I'm wondering if any of that actually shows up, or if it's just sort of half-baked self-congratulation. Really, really hoping it's not the latter. lol

Check out my Manamon text walkthrough at the following link:
https://www.dropbox.com/s/z8ls3rc3f4mkb … n.txt?dl=1

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2021-04-08 04:35:29

Sorry, but these are basic punctuation rules. It's scary to see how many people are passing this off as unimportant, whether it is a hobby project or a professional essay. No of course it doesn't need to be even close to that level, but come on. Basic rules dude. It's like when people dictate and they don't put any punctuation. Why do they not get a pass but he does? They are both trying to communicate something, so it is important for both of them to follow basic rules. The reason why it isn't as noticable in manamon is because the text is split up. It would sound different if it wasn't. It doesn't need to be fancy, but you gotta have standards. At least use basic punctuation.
Why do you think the American school system is shit? People are always complaining about it, but now y'all are choosing to just ignore this, which is why the system has gone on for so long.

I'm probably not making much sense in this post. Fuck English and my inability to use it affectively.

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2021-04-08 04:38:13 (edited by Zarvox 2021-04-08 04:50:16)

@Jayde I know your intent wasn't to bash him for this. And I respect that. I chose to take it in this direction. I feel that this is disgusting and shocking, so I voiced about it. So if people give you crap saying you started it, point the finger at me. I'll take the blame, I know I caused it.
Also, I am not bashing the game itself or his ability to create a game. This is about his English. I think the manamon games are good for what they are. Yeah the storyline could use some work, but writing a more than decent storyline isn't as easy as it seems. And he is doing this all while in college too, so bonus for that. I bought manamon 2, and bought it for someone else. So clearly it is worth something.

I'm probably not making much sense in this post. Fuck English and my inability to use it affectively.

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2021-04-08 05:00:18

@Jayde: Nope, this rewrite is spot on. There are parts of the script that actually make me laugh, and each character sounds like someone one might meet on the street. Mrs. Davidson reminds me of my grandma. LOL That was one strict woman.

I'm becoming an avid gamer. Perhaps I'll become as passionate a gamer as I am a reader.

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2021-04-08 07:17:26

I'm actually most proud of Eshcon, Sangora and, of all people, Skeeter. That dude is silly, of course, but at least now his twangy accent makes some sense.

And good deal, Zarvox. If people get annoyed with me for this, I'll send 'em your way. lol

Check out my Manamon text walkthrough at the following link:
https://www.dropbox.com/s/z8ls3rc3f4mkb … n.txt?dl=1

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2021-04-08 08:48:06

hi
I don't know why I get dropbox 500 and can't download the link

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2021-04-08 12:36:34

@Jayde: That strong country accent is actually more believable now. I grew up around people who speak in a manner that's not all that different. Will have to keep reading to get as far as Sangora; didn't have time to read the whole thing last night. It's prertty good though; good enough that I wash there was a way to insert scripts into the game and replace what's there now.

I'm becoming an avid gamer. Perhaps I'll become as passionate a gamer as I am a reader.

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2021-04-08 13:41:36

The espeak PL is not good at detecting mistakes then.
This is why I perceived almost everything to be correctly written.
I'll add the place names where appropriate in my spare time so that it's clear where specific events take place.

Barren Byron used nature overdrive! Barren Byron has dealt 2000000000 damage to marka.
Marka used oblivion dance! Marka's attack and sp. atk rose! Barren byron must recharge!
Marka used hone mind! Marka's sp. atk rose sharply! Barren Byron is still recharging!
Marka's dynamax! Marka used max chaos! Marka has dealt 4863128945 damage to Barren Byron. Barren Byron has been defeated!

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2021-04-08 14:38:13 (edited by Lucas1853 2021-04-08 14:50:11)

Yes of course, you always take English classes in high school and college. In Canada, we're required to take English class all the way through high school, and that doesn't apply to any other class. We can drop math in our last year if we don't need it, but not English. But what I'm saying is that he doesn't care enough about writing to incorperate it into personal projects. As I said, yes it totally should've gotten an editor, but he figured blind people wouldn't care and he was right.
Edit: Deleted some incorrect information. Haven't played the game in a while, woops.

Sincerely,
Lucas.

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