2020-03-25 11:24:49

Hi folks.
Hope you're all staying safe.
So, because of the coronavirus, South Africa is going on a nation wide lockdown from 12 a m tomorrow.
This will end in exactly 3 weeks.
This is the problem.
My brother is moved in with us for the duration of the lockdown.
I'm gonna have to share my room with him.
Normally, this wouldn't be a problem.
Now, he is one of those people.
One of those people who tries to change everything and he doesn't like it if anyone disagrees with him.
He has decided that I should be doing exercises with him at 8 am every morning.
These are not normal exercises.
He wants me to exercise all my muscles.
I should probably mention that I'm not that fit and I suffer from depression.
When I tell him that I don't really want to work out, he'll say that it is there to make me improve my life.
Not only that, but the rest of my family agrees.
They also want us to work on small projects like building wooden go carts or rafts etc.
Nothing too bit.
To make matters worce, he has to share my room which makes it near impossible to do my own thing as he is constantly there.
I won't be able to talk to my friends, watch my movies or play my video games as he doesn't like the kind of things I listen to.
I'm not interested in this working out.
I want to be able to keep myself busy for these three weeks.
I want to be able to read my books and watch my movies.
I can't sleep somewhere else as no one will let me.
These people are really a pain in the ass and I'm gonna go crazy if i have to put up with this for three weeks.
What should I do?
They never listen to me.
Apparently its because I say no to everything they want me to do, but that's because they always choose the most boaring things one could choose.
What should i do?

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2020-03-25 14:03:40

Something tells me that this lockdown is going to be hell

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2020-03-25 14:45:17 (edited by UltraLeetJ 2020-03-25 14:48:50)

have you tried working out before? you could ask to go easy
honestly I miss having an exercise mat right now, so I have to make with a towel and this quarantine I think will be for much, much longer than just simply two weeks.
I thing dialog achieves most things, but not being where you are or in your situation is a bit difficult to advise. Remember that if you are going to be free from responsibilities there is always time and potential to try something new. Propose other things you just might be interested in to your family.. language learning, cooking (or baking deserts for instance) and so on. Propose to watch one of your movies per day, or read a book at whatever time of day (there is now plenty of it)

you could join your family and do simple hose chores so you won't go mad or feel so alone... I, on the other hand have my family away from me and am locked in this apartment by myself and who knows when, if at all I will ever get to be with them again.

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2020-03-25 16:24:44

Lol you're probably not gonna like this, but I think it's a great idea, especially if you have someone to work out with. Workouts are always more fun if you have people to do it with. If you really want, like 3 was getting at, try shooting for a compromise. I would say something like well I haven't worked out a lot so if I do, please let us start at a reasonable level so i dont hurt myself. And yeah, there are 24 hours in a day, I'm sure you can find at least 2 hours to do something you enjoy. Use headphones if you must.

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2020-03-25 16:41:31

f

i am the best bread in the world.

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2020-03-25 17:04:06

Hi there,
a physical exercise is non-sense, if you don't want to do it. Just take a look on animals, did you ever see a dog or a cat making a jogging to be fit?
Well, until they're either trained or forced, they won't do so. It's a waste of energy, if one don't mean it seriously.
I'm not saying that one can't get a good feeling from a recreational run, but that assumes to be okay with the activity in first place.

If I was in your position, I would firstly deal with the brother. Firstly through dialog and negotiations, he is on the same hierarchy level in the family than you are, if you believe in such things, so he has no right to command you in any way.
If he won't listen, then I would go a level further. The thing here is, that if I followed his orders, that would just assure him that what he's doing is right. So instead, I'd need to make him regret, that he wanted what he wanted.
Concrete steps depends heavily on what is your brother's personality. I would either try to make him as mad as possible during the exercise, or drag him as much as possible, so it stops being funny for him.
The result anyway should be, that he won't want to do the things with you anymore, because he will find you annoying, boring, dragging, or whatever else during the exercise, what lowers his mood.

Then, the next step would be to deal with the family. They must understand, that you're different persons, who like and want different things. Again, it would start with negotiating, my goal would be probably to split the time to two equal parts - one for me and the other for the family.
During the family time, I would try to search activities, which all of people like and would want to do. Though I warn you, that it probably won't be easy. One good activity for example are books. If you have sighted parents, who like to read books, go and get some, either from your own library, so you can read together what you wanted yourself, or find a genre, that all of you will enjoy and stick with it.
And during your time... headphones are very useful thing. They cover up your activities, so you can read or watch whatever you want, and on the other side block noise of other people, so you can get rid of their rambling.

Of course all of this is actually much easier said than done, and you'll probably have to face many obstacles, before acquiring your goal.
So, just never give up, you're human as well.

I wish you good luck.

Best regards

Rastislav

2020-03-25 17:47:12

My advice: compromise.

If I were you, I would definitely try and do at least some light to moderate exercise every day. It won't cure your depression, but it will help you get a bit more in shape, and may, if you're able, let you bond with your brother a little. It will also help get those endorphins flowing, which may perk up your mood a little. It'll start out hard, but might get easier.

As far as projects, pick and choose, but don't just refuse all of them. Be willing to take time away from the stuff you normally do, and you might learn something. You might find a new hobby. You might even find that you're happier for it. Frankly, if you do suffer from depression, then your current setup, where you do your thing, watch things on YouTube and play video games, really doesn't appear to be working for you. Rather than butt your head against that wall, consider expanding the limits you've put on yourself.

That said (and this is where compromise comes in), put down hard limits. Tell your brother that you want some time for yourself, to do your own thing. Tell him that it's got to be give and take; be polite, but be firm. If he wants you to exercise with him, then he's got to be willing to give you something you might want as well. Work together. Be willing to listen, but also be willing to stand firm on some stuff. Make suggestions, and don't just be passive.

Mental isolation is potentially an even worse risk in times like these. Don't fall too deeply into that trap.

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2020-03-25 17:53:16

Firstly, dogs and humans are different creatures, and a lazy dog is just as likely to become a fatass as a inactive human is.

Secondly, sounds like an older brother, so pissing him off is not likely  going to make those 3 weeks go by any easier. It will however lead to a lot of raised voices and sore throats.

Really, a bit of physical activity don't hurt none if you can do em.

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2020-03-25 18:03:47

@RTT entertainment: As far as I know President Ramaphosa said that we would be on lockdown from midnight on Thursday, meaning businesses will be closed from Friday, although I live in the Johannesburg area, and I have noticed that some businesses have already closed their doors. As for your problem, I agree with Jayde. Compromise is the best solution. I am slowly getting back in to exercising, and I have to say that I feel much better after a good hard run on the treadmill. As for what to do during the lockdown? Just plug a pare of headphones in to your computer, that way you can watch your movies or read your books without bothering anyone, and you don't have to be bothered by what ever your brother is listening to at the time. Good luck and stay safe.

“I'm for truth, no matter who tells it. I'm for justice, no matter who it is for or against.
Malcolm X

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2020-03-25 18:37:11

Think I'm going to have to agree with the majority here.  There's no sense in making it harder for yourself than you have to just because you want t do a bunch of stuff you would normally do.  Circumstances are not normal right now, so it falls upon us all to make the best of them.  My children haven't gotten to go out for nearly two weeks; they're all going crazy and so am I.  But I have to do what I have to do.

I do not know what my future holds, but I do know who holds my future.

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2020-03-25 18:42:28

I'm afraid since I have just started up again with zombies run myself I have to agree with the majority of people regarding exercise. I also suffer from depression, yet notice a general mental boost, which also I have to say does well for my gaming too (nothing like a bit more energy when your trying to react or concentrate).
That being said, exercise has to be something you do yourself, not something that is forced on you, so I would suggest trying to think of exercises or a routine you'd be happy to do, maybe at the same time as your brother, or with your brother's assistance.

As to general matters, headphones are good, as is compromise. Note that compromise means getting a little of what you want and giving others a little of what they want, EG spending some time with your family, and some time yourself gaming etc. If your brother's proximity in your room irritates you, find another room to be in, or if you're in a small house, maybe the corner of a room others are in where you can use your headphones undisturbed.

Above all, stay calm, yelling matches and stress is the last thing anyone needs right now.

With our dreaming and singing, Ceaseless and sorrowless we! The glory about us clinging Of the glorious futures we see,
Our souls with high music ringing; O men! It must ever be
That we dwell in our dreaming and singing, A little apart from ye. (Arthur O'Shaughnessy 1873.)

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2020-03-25 19:44:16

Use headphones you can listen to what you want. I need to listen to what I like when I work out that is a must. I'd fight him on the 8 AM crap though. Work outs are just as good no matter what time you do them. Come up with a list of ground rules. Remind him that he's sharing your room not the other way around. Something like I'll work out with you but it's going to be at 2 PM. I have an older brother that when he comes home he likes to use all my stuff right down to sharing my deodorant it's gross! So what I do is give him a towel and say this is yours while you're here. If you're not gonna bring your own loofa I'll keep mine in my room and you can use this one. I'm serious I've thrown out loofas before because I didn't hide mine. Not gonna bring your own deodorant either? Here's what I got left of mine and I'll open up a new one. If you don't take it with you when you leave it's going in the trash. I totally get this I'm the youngest of 4 boys shit gets real sometimes. You have to know when to pick your battles. Anyone trys to mess with my wake up and sleep times thats a battle I'm gonna fight. Family enters your room and doesn't close your door that was clearly closed before they entered? Grumble to yourself and hope they get the damn hint when they come back. Your 30 year old brother walks into your room making spaceship noises cause he thinks its funny? Give a fake laugh and keep doing what you were doing before. They bore me to tears when they won't shut up about beer, and about this beer is more of a stout, and how to age hops, and on and on and on until I want to scream! But they're also the people that I can watch cartoons with. That take me to the movies and always have my back. So I compromise but I don't just roll over like a pup. Good luck and I hope this helps.

Kingdom of Loathing name JB77

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2020-03-25 19:55:21

Hi guys.
My brother is out so found time to type my respons.
Thanks for all the great replies.
I tried to compromise earlier today by suggesting that we do workouts on certain days and rest on others.
I told him that we have to make a compromise.
His respons?
You're not going to make it easyer by doing less.
While i do get time to myself, i don't really want to work out at 8 in the morning before i've even had my cup of tea.
Plus, he will make do several different exercises.
Pull ups, push ups, wall sits, mason twists, leg raises, planks, sit ups and some others.
I wouldn't mind a bit of exercise, but i feel this is a bit accessive.
When i told him this, he said that i wouldn't be improving myself or something to that effect.
He seems to have little reguard for how i feel on the matter.
To add insult to injury, he tried to convince me that a cold shower would be best after the workout.
He has this idea that what he does is the only correct way of doing things and anything else is wrong.
He even got these huge pieces of wood, pallets i think.
They're for building this raft.
He asked for my help.
Okay, no biggy.
When i came to help him, he was using a rout that i'd never used before.
I asked to take sighted guide as i would need both my hands to help him carry.
He wouldn't let me.
I got angry and i said, if you want help then you should.
He responded with you're not helping me, you're doing the job that should be done by the youngest in the house, which is me.
I don't know about you but that feels rather like an insult.
As for everything else, I can use headphones.
I don't know why i didn't think of that before.
Sorry about the rant.

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2020-03-25 20:11:24

While the area in which I live is not under lock down yet, and hopefully will not be, I think we all need to remember that this situation is only going to be as bad as we wish it to be. Even in times like this, there are still ways to keeps one's sanity. While working out might not be appealing to most, it is something to do and the best part is you don't even have to do anything extraordinary for this. I know working out can be a drag, but at least be thankful that you are not
I don't mean to sound harsh, but this lock down is only going to be as hard as you wish to make it. I know that you don't like the idea of working out. I can totally understand this because this because I once held the same view, and believe me when I say that it showed as I was not in very good shape either at the time. I think that if you feel like you're being pushed too hard that you're able to do so because you could be locked up and unable to walk because of being crippled in some way. At first, not being able to tour and perform my concerts made me frustrated, angry, and, honestly, made me become a person that was not very pleasant to be around. However, I have found some online work to do that, while it might not pay a ton of money, still does get me a little income and gives me something productive to do. Your worst enemy in a time like this is boredom, and anything that can be done to keep you busy will keep it in check.  All I do know is that complaining about how things are now isn't going to make the problem go away, so the best course of action is to just find whatever you can to keep you busy and be thankful for what you have and what you're able to do. As I said, this situation is not good, but the important thing to remember is what you're going to do with it. It can be as easy or as hard as you choose to make it, and I am speaking from my own experience on this. I still don't like that I can't get out and work right now, but I'm alive, I've got my family, and we're all healthy and have what we need. The situation sucks, but I can't let myself turn it into the hell that so many are afraid of experiencing. I hope all of you stay healthy, and more importantly, that you stay sane through all of this.

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2020-03-25 20:14:35

Yeah a cold shower is perfect after a workout. Just dont stay in one too long about 10 minutes or so will suffice. This is why it's good, I'm not just telling you just because. When you're cold, your body burns more calories in an effort to stay warm, and that is why you dont want to stay too long. Additionally, a cold shower in the morning will help you stay alert, but warm water will cause your body and muscles to relax thus make you more likely to get sleepy. If you must take a warm shower, do it at night.

About the wood thing, I propose stacking them up into one stack, and you both carry them, assuming they are big pieces. That way he can use the wood to guide you. You want to make it clear that if he wants you to be useful, he mustn't put you in a position where you are likely to have an accident thereby rendering you useless. I hope that helps.

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2020-03-25 20:41:51

Okay, whilst exercising every day would be a good thing to do, this business of "you're the youngest in the house," and "you will do it my way" is not okay.


Again, compromise goes two ways here. my suggestion would be finding exercises you are happy to do and doing them yourself daily, and if he asks you to do something, tell him you'll do it "with"him and not "for" him.

Btw, on the shower issue, I personally always have a hot shower after running and doing my waits to help my muscles relax and unknot, since frankly if I didn't I end up with pain and stiffness, though bare in mind when I exercise I don't mess around.

With our dreaming and singing, Ceaseless and sorrowless we! The glory about us clinging Of the glorious futures we see,
Our souls with high music ringing; O men! It must ever be
That we dwell in our dreaming and singing, A little apart from ye. (Arthur O'Shaughnessy 1873.)

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2020-03-25 22:19:21

Dark, I completely agree with you. That sounds like a nice idea. I will see what he says tomorrow morning. Thanks.

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2020-03-25 23:05:46

Good news folks. My brother now sleeps in our little flat next door! Yay!

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2020-03-26 00:30:39

Ah, that sounds like it'll work out better for both of you.
I will say though, perhaps look into the exercise thing, maybe give zombies run a try, since it actually can help both mental health and energy levles.

With our dreaming and singing, Ceaseless and sorrowless we! The glory about us clinging Of the glorious futures we see,
Our souls with high music ringing; O men! It must ever be
That we dwell in our dreaming and singing, A little apart from ye. (Arthur O'Shaughnessy 1873.)

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2020-03-26 00:45:42

Hmmm, join the club.
I was like you at the age of 22 years and now I am 37.
After living in a student flat/lifeskills program where no one actually did what they were supposed to for a year, I lived my life on kfc, pies, packets of biscuits, and chips.
I drank many cans of v a day and was an utter slob.
My brother told me I had to train at 9 am every day.
I didn't really care for it.
You won't either, you will get sore, you will get tired, and you won't care about it at all.
Eventually you will realise that you are stronger, and better and feeling really cool.
Ok, but I am not going to bullshit you.
It took me 3 years of going at it for 2 hours a day and eventually 2.5 hours a day, doing all sorts of gym work at home.
It was hard and my brother and I had a lot of fights over it but in the end it was worth it.
He has now got a propper life, a job, a girl and a house, things I can only dream of.
With him gone I have reduced down to 1 to 1.5 hours a day during the week and 2 hours on saturdays.
It used to be a lot longer.
I still feel cool doing it, and really feel the buzz afterwards.
However I must say there are differences between what my brother thinks I should do and what I think I should do.
He thinks I should push myself till I am physically done.
I think I should do a set program, and finnish it without any distraction or anyone else so I can just get it done and still have energy for later.
Under his instruction sure maybe I got a bit better, but I would spend the rest of the day sleeping.
Now I can spend most of the day and bits of the night up but only because I do it myself.
So short story is yeah its definitely worth all the work, sweat and tears and all the hell.
This morning, I woke up to a full lockdown.
After doing all my training, update checks, and in house chores, after waking up at 7.30, having my serial and making one phonecall to a friend its almost mid day and I am only just touching the computer right now.
And while I will have to put in times to walk with my family outside and someone else I have included in my bubble weather permitting, I am actually going to struggle to actually fit it all in.
Its only after this virus happened that I realise that I have actually a lot of stuff I have still to do, and a lot that I have put off.

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2020-03-26 01:49:22 (edited by Muhammad Hajjar 2020-03-26 01:50:28)

I see that working out in this situation is really important imho. I mean, while I don't and will never force anyone to do things they don't want to do, I do still try to encourage my brother who shares me the same room to exercise with me. Did already propose that today, he refused saying that he isn't in the right mood. I didn't argue on my part as the matter won't be of any hurt while I know that it benefits. I just got used to exercising at the gym and when things got closed I thought that's the only way I can maintain my body fitness and psychological stability.

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2020-03-26 02:06:24

Wish I could find ma way to convince my other half to work out with me lol.

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2020-03-26 03:21:42

Sounds like you're just too lazy. My advice? a mixture of what has been said for post 6, which is complete foolishness.Do what I did to convince my mom that coding was better than playing the piano. Get them to understand your world. Try and let them experience your experience. Sounds easier said than done, but give it a try. Exercise is good for you. Hey,\. for all you know you may enjoy the exercise and start doing it regularly.
So to summarise, comprimise, talking gets you everywhere in life... Don't be a selfish, self-centered jerk about it. Doing that will only make it worse. Be cal, civil, and act normally. Tell them that you would like to do the exercise, but go easy on you. Talk to your brother. Tell him he needs to respect your personal space, and respect his as well. If you like reading, try and jist up one of your favourite stories, in a fun mannor so they experience what you love about the stories.
Completely disregard post 6. I didn't really bother to read any posts after that, so he probaby apologised. I hope you can maintain your sanity during this time.

The meaning of life is, for you to define your own meaning of life. Find your own purpose, your own path, sing your own song, dance to your own beat, dream your dreams, live your life.
Dont answer ignorance with more ignorance. Dont hate someone who hates you. By you returning the same treatement to them, your just as stupid, and as cruel as the person.

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2020-03-26 03:24:11

I think I'll ask my brother to help me build a raft. Although its a far walk to the pond. Damn it.

The meaning of life is, for you to define your own meaning of life. Find your own purpose, your own path, sing your own song, dance to your own beat, dream your dreams, live your life.
Dont answer ignorance with more ignorance. Dont hate someone who hates you. By you returning the same treatement to them, your just as stupid, and as cruel as the person.

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2020-03-26 10:11:50

@crashmaster, 1.5 hours a day? Your rather more diligent than I am, I personally prefer to do a super intensive half hour, since otherwise, even with zombies run I get rather board, though that is more than enough in terms of fitness.

People have told me though, I tend to be a bit intensive once I start exercising, indeed I need to be careful when starting up after an absence since I'm liable to push myself a wee bit too hard and overdo things.

With our dreaming and singing, Ceaseless and sorrowless we! The glory about us clinging Of the glorious futures we see,
Our souls with high music ringing; O men! It must ever be
That we dwell in our dreaming and singing, A little apart from ye. (Arthur O'Shaughnessy 1873.)

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