2020-02-12 07:46:25

@Nocturnuss, that sounds really quite aweful. I absolutely sympathise with watching someone you love in pain, and we at least don't have children in the equation.

'Wing of eternity: Oh captain my captain big_smile.
That's an awesome film and one we really should watch again, indeed I've considered picking up the soundtrack as well.
'?Dark eagle, seasonal effective gaming? big_smile,.
I actually need to get back to manamon 2 myself since I was liking the game, but maybe after playing through the entirety of Manamon one I had a little bit of an overload ;D.

With our dreaming and singing, Ceaseless and sorrowless we! The glory about us clinging Of the glorious futures we see,
Our souls with high music ringing; O men! It must ever be
That we dwell in our dreaming and singing, A little apart from ye. (Arthur O'Shaughnessy 1873.)

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2020-02-12 11:13:09

Yesterday was my birthday, but it was spoiled by my sister. She was like,, happy birthday! I love you! Then she told me to tell my brother, who i share a house with, a mother, we bare the same name, he is an ass, then said dont use such words. It was caused after he put up a post saying, for those of you who dont care or forgot, today was my birthday, however it was for other relatives who hasnt wished me a birthday. But other than that, my actual family and I had a great day

The meaning of life is, for you to define your own meaning of life. Find your own purpose, your own path, sing your own song, dance to your own beat, dream your dreams, live your life.
Dont answer ignorance with more ignorance. Dont hate someone who hates you. By you returning the same treatement to them, your just as stupid, and as cruel as the person.

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2020-02-12 11:44:17

@Dark, Sovs and Dark Eagle, I'm doing my best to keep it together if only because the children deserve that much.  Honestly, even in her state my wife helps so much.  Somehow she still finds it in herself to do all she does, from taking kids to appointments to taking care of our financial situation, to paperwork and all the phonecalls I don't like making.  When she's feeling super cheerful and active she'll even join me in whatever needs cleaning, but I do my absolute best never to hold her to it nor make her feel like she needs to do it.  It has meant more responsibility on my part, but I meant what I said when I said for better or for worse, in sickness and in health...
I guess that's why games like Miriani are so good for us in a way, given how so many different things exist for us to do, from the stupid little minigames like skeball and assault exist, to riding around and looking for asteroids, to missioning with other people on occasion.  That she can even find it in herself to spend time with me is a miracle all on its own... I know she needs her rest, but she doggedly persists on doing her best to be with me at least once a day, every day, and she'll bring me to bed if she thinks it possible, meaning the kids are taken care of for awhile and nothing else needs doing.  smile
Those moments are somewhat few and far between as there are four of them.  The oldest, thankfully, is already going to school, while the youngest is an 8 month old who has recently learned how to crawl and is starting to get into... well... just about everything she thinks isn't hers.  I wish the middle two would help pick up the slack and help watch the youngest since they can see when she's doing things she shouldn't be, but they're too busy playing with toys and trying to con me into giving them TV, iPads, snacks and candy all day long.  Sometimes I relent because I know this can't be any easier on them than it is on me, but I'm doing my best to hold firm and strong.  I know so many people who are parents and probably some who aren't would judge me for some of my decisions, but there ya are all the same.  If you 've read thus far, I thank you from the bottom of my heart.  It means a ton to know that someone's listening. if nothing else.

I do not know what my future holds, but I do know who holds my future.

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2020-02-12 16:20:41

half a month is already gone but hey, I still have some things to tell
I'm  nervous for my final term exams. one is already gone, it was maths on 10th of feb. but hey, I am excited as well, my birthday, guess what? it's almost there, on 15th of february. I stopped playing stw in january to focus on my studies.  I'm excited to get back when my exams will get over, 27th feb that is,
I've also started following bsg streams, they are kind of cool. I think I'll be joining all there future streams.
that's all for now.
thanks,

allow me to speak more,
katch me on twitter
if audio games play throughs  and tutorials fascinates you then,
katch me on YouTube

2020-02-12 22:17:34

@Dark, I hear ya, bro. As usual, I think about you and your lady, and prey for you even though I don't know you personally. My friend's husband is like a brother to me as we literally grew up together, fought like brothers, and lived on the same block as each other as kids.. We're family, and its thanks to him and his wife that I met my girlfriend. We didn't live in the same city for over ten years, and when I move back we pick up right where we left off. Thats a real friend, and I hate to see what losing her will do to him.

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2020-02-13 19:44:00

Putting this at the top for those who want/need it. If any of you need someone to talk to, who is sarcastic, but good at pointing out little things that are better than they seem, i'm happy to read/listen to whatever you need to complain about. Even if you just want to know someone hears you, feel free to reach out. I'm pretty easy to get in contact with.

For my month, it hasn't been bad so far. I've still been hanging around on second life, and that's been really good for me. It's helped me a lot actually, and I'm excited to see what it can do for me long term. Tomorrow is one of my favorite days of the year, Valentines day. We aren't doing anything all that special, but I still like knowing its a day about love. Other than that, I got a new kindle paperwhite a few days ago, and I'm loving it. It's no where near my first kindle, my third actually, but its my first one without a headphone jack or speakers. It's kind of nice to use that one during the day with a bluetooth headset, and my fire tablet around bedtime. I'm hoping it will let me read more books too, since I felt more limited to just audible books, but I've picked a bunch of free or cheap kindle books, not that I needed more of them, but still, its nice to have the choice.

"900 years in time and space and I have never met someone who wasn't important." The Doctor.
Come say hi on Twitter

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2020-02-14 05:14:51

@Nocturnus,
I am so sorry. There are few, if any, things more painful than watching a loved one suffer.
I understand the intent behind the restriction of opioids, but when you deny medicine to those who need it most, you have created a whole new crisis, and I am so sorry your wife is a victim of this.
I will pray that our government will listen to us on the situation, and give relief to her by reducing the restrictions on doctors and pain meds.
I know that it seems more than you can bear, but your faith is strong, and you will be a blessing to your wife and your children.
I will keep your family in permanent prayer.

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2020-02-14 12:39:37

@Dark:
I suppose you are right. actually, I just like the warm weather in general, since it keeps my mood up. which, naturally leads to me playing games, and doing any other thing which I want to do.

So, I also picked up the warmage, second book of the spellmonger series. and well, it is interesting to see how the armies are organized in a medieval setting. also how the medieval politics would be during the time of war.

But, I actually have another problem. why do so many fantasy series have the conflict against non-human races? I mean, aren't the humans bad enough, that you need some fictional race, in which you can embed the worse characteristics of the humans?

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2020-02-14 14:31:33

@Mirage, thank you for your kindness.  It looks like I'll be spending Valentine's day with the children for the most part, as my wife is hardly able to keep anything down at present and is weak with fatigue.  Interestingly enough?  Five years ago today she was heading for the hospital with pneumonia.  In some ways, it was that trip to the hospital that brought the two of us together so quickly to begin with, so I'm hoping that somehow today will, if nothing else, help me reflect on things and strengthon my resolve to work that much harder.

I do not know what my future holds, but I do know who holds my future.

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2020-02-14 20:58:53 (edited by wing of eternity 2020-02-14 21:01:42)

Hello what do you all think of spenglars work the d of civilization?
i will put an intresting link here.

Who knows probably as the movements that once wer to  reshape creativity in the west like  avangard and hipi now are accepted for granted, we have to find other once that will take there place.
else probably   will go towrds decline.
any way here is the link.


https://nationalinterest.org/article/sp … page=0%2C1
for example he belifes that feminism and created a megalithical glorifyed wimin can bring serious problems.
this being a counter reaction to previews accepted views, .
for one feminism ihas overreached it's boundary.
Regardless of the subjects and fases of curents his work is very dens and i have problem understanding it in english.
I would like to tell mme what you all think.

“Oh, wretched ephemeral race … why do you compel me to tell you what it would be most expedient for you not to hear? What is best of all is utterly beyond your reach: not to be born, not to be, to be nothing. But the second best for you is—to die soon."
The wisdom of Silenus

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2020-02-14 21:46:26

So I broke up with my girlfriend yesterday.. I don't think a visually impaired person who spent the greater part of their life being aggressively abused and bullied should have to withstand more tasteless and off color jokes about said disability to be excepted into a group of friends or a family. Regardless of the hardships said family has been through, and even more so if said family has no disabled people in it who can even relate to the pain.

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2020-02-14 23:05:21

@Wes Hollow, am I understanding you correctly in saying you broke up with your girlfriend because she was being abusive on top of abuse you've already suffered?  BTW, tell me to shove it if I'm digging to far... I was just curious.

I do not know what my future holds, but I do know who holds my future.

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2020-02-14 23:26:41

I joke about myself all the time, I'm 50 shades of fucked up and i'm an oddball and I embrace it, makes me and everyone else more relaxed, but theirs definitely a point where stuff goes too far and I'm definitely used to chicks being overly-friendly with me because of who I am and then dropping the friendzone bomb on me after I give them my number. Shit is kinda wack, really. I dunno, whatever, rite? What can you do. I don't feel obligated to kiss someone's ass because they're willfully ignorant and "uncomfortable" around me like I have censory issues.. Personally I don't tolerate people that make stupid fucking assumptions about me just because I'm blind and get pissy when you tell them otherwise.

#FreightWeight

2020-02-14 23:43:18

@#37 no you are right in a nutshell.. I wouldn't tell you to shut it, or I wouldn't have vented here about it. I know I'm no favorite here, but I need some form of support, as the older I get, none of my sighted friends or family seem to get it.

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2020-02-14 23:51:05

@38 I get where you're coming from up to a point. You do it and its cool, but its different when others do it too much, and when lines of taste are crossed.. I'm from a different place where we don't let people say too much about us, or it can become a problem. Her people have this mindset of they can say whatever about you, but when you start firing back than they start crying foul.. Thats hypocritical and it becomes the sighted think they should get special treatment.

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2020-02-15 09:02:48

Yeah. That's something I don't tolerate either. I don't know how you did, quite frankly, sorry you had to go through that. Hypocritical people I can't stand or tolerate. I also don't think it's necessary for everyone to "joke" about their disability like I do either I just find that it defuses a lot of the awkwardness with me and others, when they walk on eggshells. And honestly, it's kinda funny. Like, I'm blind, and have progressive hearing loss, and there are times where someone will suddenly say something rite next to me and I'll be like "huh?" And they'll be like "oh I wasn't talking to you, sorry" and I'll be like "oh, ok, sorry about that, see I'm blind and damn near half deaf." Or if I can't hear the guy in Subway behind the counter. I'm just sick of feeling like shit about stuff I can't help and that I didn't ask for. Although it's still difficult.

#FreightWeight

2020-02-16 15:19:53 (edited by wing of eternity 2020-02-16 15:21:39)

@dark O captain my captain.
I have found a potcast called existentialism and dead poet society, and i think it puts us alot of questions about our lifes and the way they work.
probably you have seen how the english teatcher is inspired by Thorow, nietzsche and camus.
you can see a reflection if it in nil that kills himself, after he is denyed his pasion, that being acting.
and as the teenage boys go on they realise that there is more greatness and individuality to be found.
well you can find the potcast on spotify if you are intrested.
and i have sent you a pm.

“Oh, wretched ephemeral race … why do you compel me to tell you what it would be most expedient for you not to hear? What is best of all is utterly beyond your reach: not to be born, not to be, to be nothing. But the second best for you is—to die soon."
The wisdom of Silenus

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2020-02-17 08:02:14

@Dark:
I don't know whether people do this or not, but really man, thank you for updating the database. it is a very important part of this site, right next to the forums. I also hope that the health of the Mrs. Dark is going well now.

So, on to the books:

I ended up dropping the spellmonger series, since at the end of the day, the magic was not enough for me to well, keep slogging through the medieval setting, with all those efforts to organize an army in that day and age, and various other things.

On the other hand, I am at the fourth book in the laundry files, called apocalypse codex. I think I will pick up the codex alera by Jim Butcher, the series sounds interesting.

Also, the date of my exams finally arrived, hurray for one more step to say goodbye to the formal education.

Except that I can't seem to focus on the subjects, since programming consumes so much of my time, and truth to be told I really don't wish to study the subjects which I really don't like in the first place.

In short, there is a lot of depressing time ahead of me, please forgive me if any of my future posts appeared to be nothing more than angry ranting about studies, and how much I hate formal education system of India.

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2020-02-17 18:23:07

@Dark eagle, personally I actually like the medeival stuff from time to time, or at least I like to change things around and look at different environments and peoples.

that is one thing about none human races, since a good author can make them  interesting as alien races in a scifi setting, though with the added trouble of being a race that boring old humans have to share a planet with.
That is one thing about Tad williams I really like.

Even your standard evil as evil orcs, trolls etc I don't mind if the story is good enough and if there isa logical reason for them being that way within the worlds' cosmology, plus of course, though they've been stupidly overdone in the Peter Jackson films, fantasy battles can be fun, provided your invested enough in the characters and the battle itself isn't just an excuse to show how awesome the heroes are for no reason.

Hope you like the Butcher series, they're sort of steam punk I believe, though thus far I've only ever read his dresden files.

@Nocturnus, sorry to hear things are difficult.
My lady and I didn't exactly have much of a valentine's day either mostly due to her being absolutely shattered. we usually go out somewhere nice for a meal at least, or at any rate that is what we've done for the past few years, we'll probably need to wait until the radiotherapy is finished to do that this time around.
Wes Hollow, sorry to hear about the problems. Finding people who either A, get blindness or B, are at least empathic enough to understand without getting it is not easy, or at least it isn't in Britain, then again Britain is pretty crappy for disability generally and blindness in particular.

That is one of the side bennifits of having a soulmate who is also blind; not that I'd advocate uniquely looking for someone blind either. In our case it just sort of happened that way.


As people will gather, other than radiotherapy and reading, the other thing I've been doing most recently is working on the db, that and playing various games like cosmic rage and Dreamy train.
I do have all the Miriani sounds downloded, but the setup looks pretty complex, plus with having to play db related titles, I'm rather taken up with planet saga at the second anyway.

With our dreaming and singing, Ceaseless and sorrowless we! The glory about us clinging Of the glorious futures we see,
Our souls with high music ringing; O men! It must ever be
That we dwell in our dreaming and singing, A little apart from ye. (Arthur O'Shaughnessy 1873.)

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2020-02-17 19:25:50

@Dark, what are you having trouble with on the Miriani setup?  Perhaps my wife and I can help a bit if you describe the issue.
There are moments like yesterday, which marked five years of us being physically together, when she is able to have a practically normal day.  It was entirely fun, at her expense.  Now she's lying in bed again and feeling like a train smashed into her full speed.  At times it makes me feel so selfish, because even though I have never directly forced her out of bed she knows that trying to take care of four kids all on my own gets lonely and overwhelming and that I just wish I had a bit of her time, and she bravely gives it at any cost, and then she's down for the count the next day.  She said she was going to try not to sleep all day before she fell asleep last night, and when I went into the bedroom earlier just to check on her she was practically in tears because she felt guilty about not being able to keep to her word, and I felt stupid for not being able to say anything other than, it's ok.  I would never atempt to guilttrip her for not being able to, and I told her as much last night, that I wasn't going to hold her to it either way because I understood her condition as best I could, given I'm not exactly in it.
I just wish it were me instead of her, but the worst thing that's happened to me recently is that I accidentally stubbed my toe and consequently my whole toenail pealed right back and off; that was painful as blazes and still hurts if I walk just the right way.  When I put my pain into perspective though and compare it against hers?  I feel like such a sissy.  I can't hold a candel to the marvelous woman I've been blessed with and fortunate enough to be married to.
to the rest of you, to whoever is still reading this stuff, I say this.  If you have someone in your life like that, someone you know would give their all for you, someone who would take it upon themselves to be with you no matter what the price they might have to pay, someone who puts themselves before you as often as they can, someone who gives to you and expects nothing in return, someone who has never truly demanded of you more than was absolutely necessary, someone who cared about you through thick and thin, someone who valued you in good times and bad, do me and them a favor today.   Tell them you love them.  Tell them what they mean to you.  Tell them they're beautiful, wonderful, precious and priceless.  Tell them you'll try harder for them and mean it from the bottom of your heart.  Recommit, rince and repeat.  Do this for them, and you'll be doing something great for me in the process too, even if you choose not to believe it.  I love my wife, but I fear things between us will never be as they once were.  There are things I wish had never happened the way they did, but they're all in the past now, and so I'm just living life one day at a time, hoping and praying with all my strength that somehow we can pull through and get back to where we were, but fully accepting that it may never be again.  Until then, I'm forever her's and she's forever mine, and if you have someone like that, I wish you and them the absolute best.  Don't let any negative, personal feelings get in the way of all the golden opportunities you may have to make them feel cherished and valued, because the next second of your life is never garunteed.

I do not know what my future holds, but I do know who holds my future.

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2020-02-17 21:22:28

@Nocturnus, it wasn't anything specific, more that the setup looked a little more complex than I was prepared to deal with at the end of last week.

I'll give it a go when I have some free time and energy, and like as not it'll be fine, if it isn't I'll let you know.


As to everything else, well i keep trying to compose a reply, but feel completely inadequate, so I'll just say that yes, I get it.

With our dreaming and singing, Ceaseless and sorrowless we! The glory about us clinging Of the glorious futures we see,
Our souls with high music ringing; O men! It must ever be
That we dwell in our dreaming and singing, A little apart from ye. (Arthur O'Shaughnessy 1873.)

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2020-02-17 22:23:39

@Dark, I believe that you do, and it was the thought that counted more than the reply or any great words you could have used.  It seems kind of strange that we should both be in similar boats if not the same one altogether.  It's also comforting in a way, because while I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy, let alone someone like you who has helped me many a time in the past, it helps to know I'm not entirely alone, even if the loneliness is there and feels as true and real and legitimate to me as the light of day and the darkness of the night.
NOt much more I can say, particularly since I don't want you to focus on the negative; goodness only knows that's easy enough to do, so I'll just conclude with...
"We must try not to sink beneath our anguish, but battle on!"

I do not know what my future holds, but I do know who holds my future.

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2020-02-21 20:49:12

this month suckse quite a bit, because I had mid year tests which were very, very hard. We have 2 parts of each esson and we've only gone with a test of 1 part, and yeah, harde than it seems.
gaming wise, I come from time to time on sbyw, but have stopped going on cr. I can't get a copy of manamon2, so yeah, finished it long time ago, the demo vers that is. I have no other game to play(sl kicked me out because I wasn't 18.

"Oh, hello, hello little elf!" Luna's father looked overcome with delight at the sight of Harry, who was rather pleased to see him as well. "I did always use to wonder what became of you! Luna talks of little else in her letters!"
"I had asked her to thank you for the book and the plums," Harry said, nodding along. "I hadn't had floating fruit in years, and you've kept them up very well."

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2020-02-21 21:22:04

Been battling a cold for the past few days now... I'm not exactly sure how I'm managing to do anything, but manage it I do.  My head feels horrible, I've got skin pealing off my nose, my eyeballs are floating in vast oceans... I'd say even my ears are involved in this one though I can't quite hear what part they're playing.
I wanted my daughter to have a wonderful birthday yesterday; she turned 3.  I'd say it wasn't exactly the worst either, but I'm sure it was not as good as it could have been if I had only felt a little better.  I suppose the best that can be said for it is that she got more or less what she wanted, chicken nuggets, fries and cupcakes for supper, a babydoll with all the necessities for a birthday gift, and she got to spend some time with one set of grandparents.

I do not know what my future holds, but I do know who holds my future.

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2020-02-22 02:09:56 (edited by an idiot 2020-02-22 02:10:57)

It seems almost every one I know or know of has been sick at one time or another over the last 2 months or so. Then again, I had my own tern, as can be seen with my 1 AM forum rant about allergies keeping me up all night a little over a month ago.

Changing this every day is so stupid and I don't care

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