Recently I've asked myself the question. What would I wish for if I could wish for anything? There are some obvious answers that came to my mind, and even though they are good answers to the question, they weren't important enough to be wished for, they were tolerable. I ended up concluding that I would wish for wishes to be in reality. Wishes are not reality, a lot of them don't happen, so my answers didn't mean much. So I choose that answer, that they would be in reality. Until now.
I decided to watch some YouTube because I was bored. There are so many different ways to find content on youtube. Searching through channel lists, playlists, and just regular search. I ended up finding a channel that was one of those family vlog channels. I don't watch family vlog YouTube channels. But I have way too much time and I don't spend it wisely, so I started to skim a few videos. I spent about 10 minutes. Maybe 5 and put my phone down.
For those of you who don't know, my mom passed away almost 6 years ago. So it's just been my dad, my younger brother, and me. My older brother is out of the house but nearby. So I thought about my mom because the YouTube channel had a mom in the family. I noticed that they had a good social lifestyle with each other and did a lot of activities, as do a lot of other family vloggers. I wondered if my mom were here, if I would have a more active lifestyle. If I would still fall in the trap of using technology to waste my time and serve as a distraction to life and other things. No, I don't think my life is depressing, or bad, but it's boring and I feel like my mom passing away has made my lifestyle less productive. I can only blame me though. I can't blame anyone else, because my dad would be happy to take me places and do things with me. He's an awesome dad. But without mom here it's different. And I don't think about my mother enough. Always being on technology, I don't stop to think about her and the old memories. And I should. It's sad that she's gone, but if I think about her, I may want to be more productive. I may feel more relaxed rather than always trying to find a way to waste time.
This post was not suppose to be depressing or venting in any way. I just wish I set more time aside to think about her, because she was a big part of my life. There for the first 12 years.
Thank you mom for getting me 12 years to where I am today. I feel extremely dirty and shameful for not thinking about you as often as I should, but I know you still love me unconditionally.
It's too easy to get caught up in modern day activities and life to reflect on the things you use to have. Life is always pushing you forward. What thing or things do you know you should spend more time thinking about? If possible, I hope this topic can give you some inspiration to think about it more. Only share what you are comfortable with.
Violets are yellow;
You challenge me to change my signature,
I say oh hell no.