2019-04-18 20:33:47

I disagree. Anyone who is different is considered lesser by default in some fashion. It's an "us vs. them" thing. You'll get that no matter where you go.
The best way to combat it is to be as safe, confident and independent as you are. The first step in doing that is to embrace yourself. To accept, all the way down - because I really don't think you have - that your sight is gone and you have to adjust. That's terribly difficult for some people, but the good news is that you're still young and have a lot of time to make it work.
Once you've done that, you can essentially tell the world to take you on your own terms. You can advocate for yourself in the best way you know how. You can show others how to advocate for you, or how -not to advocate for you, as the situation is.
You do no one any service by refusing to use a cane, or by letting it hamper you. The fact is this: you're blind, you're going to stand out from the norm, no matter how hard you try. Rather than focusing on fitting in, focus on being yourself. Let the world accommodate you; don't try so hard to accommodate the world.

Check out my Manamon text walkthrough at the following link:
https://www.dropbox.com/s/z8ls3rc3f4mkb … n.txt?dl=1

2019-04-18 20:58:13

I can’t tell if I have made improvements since posting the first topic related to this issue. Have I not improved or is today one of those bumble fuck days?

2019-04-18 21:21:29

It's incredibly difficult to accept yourself at a time in your life when everyone is self-conscious about being different. I can empathize. When I was in public school, I used my cane grudgingly, knowing that it made me a pariah, but I didn't use it properly. I would try to keep it as close to my body as possible in order to avoid the taunts from people who claimed I tripped them on purpose, or, my favorite, girls who would scream dramatically when they saw me coming and jump over it. The thing is though, it gets better, especially once you're a little older and can look back and see that everybody was insecure about something, and it just so happened that my blindness, or my cane, or both, were really handy scapegoats for them to use so that they could feel a little better about themselves and their perceived flaws for a moment. Do I like that that's the case? Hell no. In fact, putting it in those terms still makes me feel a little gross inside. It is the truth, though, and if you can learn to see it for what it is, that might help. Honestly, though, this is one of those things where time really is the best healer.

Speaking of which, I can't imagine how difficult it is to lose your sight as a teenager. I don't think it's easy at any age, of course, but I imagine it would be especially hard then. When I went to an independence training center, the vast majority of the people there were in their 40's or 50's, and were losing their vision due to things like diabetes. It was strange for me, I felt like an outsider, since I was born blind and was also at a completely different stage of my life, having just turned 21, but I was also glad for them that they were able to kind of band together and see that they weren't alone. They all seemed to look up to me for some reason, and gained a lot of strength and perspective from seeing how I addressed living without sight from day to day. That, more than anything, taught me that not everybody is an asshole, and that being blind doesn't automatically mean everyone will hate you. Who knows, maybe you can even help someone who's going through the same thing you are one day.

The glass is neither half empty nor half full. It's just holding half the amount it can potentially hold.

2019-04-18 22:23:43 (edited by flackers 2019-04-18 22:25:43)

Just five years ago I would have thought going out into the street with a white cane was unthinkable. I thought I'd get a guide dog and never have to use one. But prior to getting a dog, I had to learn to use a cane, and boy was I self-conscious at first. But I didn't end up getting a dog because the cane actually suits me better. Someone on here said something like that a dog makes you more approachable whereas a cane makes you more of a freak. I think this is very true, but if you are introverted and self-conscious, forcing yourself to go out with a cane every day really toughens you up. You can't stay embarrassed forever. So I think being a freak and dealing with it is a very positive experience. Like Turtle power said, it's worth remembering, the people who make fun of you are at the bottom of the food chain and are just looking for a soft target. They can't elevate themselves via achievement, so they belittle others to make themselves feel big. And by targetting disabled people, they're picking on a group they see as no threat. It's as cowardly as it gets. You might as well worry about what pigeons think as worry about people like that.

2019-04-19 01:18:16

Thanks for all the support. I actually had my O and M lesson toay. I didn't tell my teacher about it, but I actually used my cane and really did pay attention, and made sure I knew what my next steps were instead of just rushing into the next part of action. And it helped me a lot. Especially having a compass

2019-04-19 01:50:08

it may have been me that mentioned dogs making you more approachable. in my experience that's been the case. I used to get insults in the street from kids etc for having a cane and adults were generally patronising towards me. helpful, but talked to me like I had learning difficulties. with the dog people seem to take me as that guy with the dog that can't see rather than, that creepy blind guy. I think it goes back to things people see in movies or on tv. plus I think a dog is an icebreaker. people see the dog, want to know more about how they work etc and strait away you've got a conversation going and people realise you're not a fumbling groping mentally challenged person like they expect from popular culture.

I'm not saying a dog is the best thing for everybody and some people are very confident with a cane and that comes across when they talk to people. but it's worth looking at as an option.

Who's that trip trapping over My bridge? Come find out.

2019-04-19 02:20:21 (edited by afrim 2019-04-19 02:25:18)

As someone who has recently started using the cane, I can sympathise with you when you say that it creates a public image of you as a person. It even makes you look different from others in many respects; however, the cane is a symbol and not just a long white stick. People are sensitised to recognising the white cane and the significance of it. I was stunned two days ago by a child who was walking in my opposite direction. The pavement was really narrow and what he did was that he stopped at the entrance of a house, waited until I passed by and then ran to join his classmates. My point in telling this was to put emphasis on how the population is tought to thinkk about and treat us. I know sometimes this way of treatment may feel quite embarrassing, bothersome; however, it is far better than having no idea whatsoever in regards to us as blind citizens. Or, to put in another way, it is better than having people who stare at you for walking in the middle of the pavement, it is better than completely disregarding you as a person and not paying attention to the fact that the cane is your guide, your assistant. It is better than having people on the pavement shouting at you where is your mother or father! Why do they leave you alone!  . . . as it typically happens in my country, and many many other scenarios.
The cane doesn't make you look and feel strange to other people. I think walking through a pavement with a loud portable JBL stereo looks far stranger. I think walking through a pavement wearing a big pair of headphones looks again stranger than walking with a cane. I think walking through the pavement while talking on the phone and managing two very big suitcases looks strange, as it happened yesterday while I was taking the train to the city where I study.
To conclude my post, while I agree that walking with a cane creates a public image of you as a person, I would like to point out that it won't affect your personal image in any way. You may look like a gangster and still hold a cane. You may smoke or drink something while walking and still hold a cane. You may look like a rich man and still hold a cane. You may look chic and still walk with a cane. It's just that people have come to accept the concept of a blind man or woman holding a long white stick that helps them walk and be independent. I don't know about most of you, but I've really had a positive experience using the cane in my first month.

2019-04-19 02:30:40

Many years ago I didn't use my white cane alot when I was at some parties. I don't remember very much, what was going through my head at that time, it wasn't self-consciousness, but rather some misconception that if there are quite a lot of people there, using the cane propperly is quite hard anyway. This resulted in some quite humorous incidents, where I was assumed to be really hammered when I bumped into people and various things. As I also wear dark glasses, one story illustrates it quite well:
A guy approaches me, puts his hand on my sholder and asks with that "I know what you're feeling" voice: Man, how many days you've been drinkin'?
Me: (really confused): Umm, aa, That's my second beer.
Guy: You're wearing sunglasses.
Me (starting to realise) Aa yeah, I'm kind of used to wearing them all the time.
Guy: Like sensitive to light or something?
Me: To be honest it really doesn't matter to me if there's light or not.
After that the guy disappeared without saying anything.

And here's my slightly off topic question for native English speakers regarding the first question in the dialog above: In Estonian, in which language it took place, we have a really informal way of asking "How many days you've been drinking?". It translates to something like "Which day is it going?" or something like this. So, what is an English informal/slangy equivalent for that? Not that you would ask this in a formal situation, but you get what I mean.

2019-04-19 03:00:03

@32, interestingly, not all canes are white. I always assumed that but they don't have to be. my x gf had a black long cane for parties to go with her dresses for example.

Who's that trip trapping over My bridge? Come find out.

2019-04-19 03:12:26

@33 most people don't drink for days, but if you mean like drinking all weekend, or for two or more days, I guess the more formal term is binge drinking, but everyone just says bender. Something like this example: "Damn, Billy gonna be hung the fuck over at work tomorrow, he was on a bender since friggin Friday!"

Facts with Tom MacDonald, Adam Calhoun, and Dax
End racism
End division
Become united

2019-04-19 05:02:30

@35 on a jag is another one. "dude's been on a jag for the last week". usually more to do with full on alcoholics though.

Who's that trip trapping over My bridge? Come find out.

2019-04-19 05:03:25

There is still that stigmatism around the white cane and just telling someone to except it and move on isn't going to help them. It took me a while not to feel like I was alienating myself when I carried a cane. It took me many years and I dealt with a lot of depression in middle school and high school and I've been blind since I was 3. Still yeah it does suck that there's this I'm helpless stigmatism attached to the white cane but over time it stopped bothering me as much as it did. I'm going to say this @Zarvox your feelings are valid and I hope you can be more comfortable with it over time but it may take some time if it happens at all. I relate with you I've been there.

Kingdom of Loathing name JB77

2019-04-19 05:37:46

Regarding cane use, it is like everything else. Get comfortable with using it so you know when it will be safe not to use it. The cane, and/or a dog, is your best tool for safe travel. People don't often see people with canes, so when they get that visual jolt, they are much more likely to realize they will need to be more aware of their surroundings. If you didn't have it, they would eventually recognize you can't see, but there is no obvious visual clue to bring them out of their instagram daze. Oh wait, nothing breaks people's cell addictions, but at least they can trip over your cane and realize it was their fault for cracking their screen when they drop their phone.

thanks,
Michael

2019-04-19 05:45:26

I agree saying just deal with it won't help, but after 8 or so years, there's got to be a process of reevaluating strategies and moving in another direction to try and get this thing figured out. This is not baggage you want to be carrying along with you through your life.

Facts with Tom MacDonald, Adam Calhoun, and Dax
End racism
End division
Become united

2019-04-19 09:01:57

I'm reminded somewhat of when I walk down the super crowded market pavement behind my university. I usually go there with my half friend, half student who's also blind, and I'm usually the one in front while she holds my elbow. It's funny how some people around here don't even care to notice my cane, until I actually slam it on their leg or foot or anything. Some speople rushed so fast they stumbled onto my cane and slam it on my stomach. They they say "sorry" and walk away. Sometimes I have to slam my cane so hard while walking just to let them know this is a blind walking and they should give me space already, before I accidentally whip them with this mighty weapon of doom.
I don't really get the public image you guys speak of here, not to the full extent that is. Cane is a necessary utility for me. It helps me to both navigate the way and balance myself. If I have to choose between camera or other technology  than cane, I'd rather go with cane. I won't even choose guide dog because there's nothing that keeps my balance as good as cane.

Why do ghost hunters have to hunt ghosts? Well, there's a fear of being ghosted out there. They may need therapy as well as their ghost hunting kit.

2019-04-19 20:16:03

I have recently been told to take my cane out with me a bit more even if I'm holding onto someone's arm, so that's what I've started doing.
I don't exactly have a story, but I sort of do, so here's a bit of context.
As a blind person, I really like the idea of cosplaying (i.e: people dressing up as characters, sort of, although a bit more than just dressing up), and the reason I like cosplay so much is because it lets me learn more about franchises.
Well, I recently went to an event with my cane and met several cosplayers, and I didn't even get questioned. Some of them already knew who I was, but I'm wondering if the cane might have helped with the new costumers on the scene. In fact I got a message later on from one of them who was helping out as a character from Skyrim, and they loved showing me their costume and letting me experience the world of Skyrim, even if it was for a few minutes. The Dragonborn had a sword which was really awesome, quite weighty, and the otehr one, a female Khajiit (basically cat creature) even spoke with a character accent towards the end of this particular encounter. I've had many messages from people as well saying that they just loved showing me their costumes.
People letting me touch the costumes has happened before, but I think people got it even quicker this time because I had my cane. Instead of taking around 20 seconds, it took around 10 before they started showing me stuff. They explained who their characters were, what their storylines are and from what anime, and even described colours and what they were wearing as well as letting me touch the stuff.
I also have an even funnier story: I was eating lunch and a guy I knew, who dresses as Spider-man, came up to me and said hi. I suddenly realized who he was, whispered his real name and he said yes it was him. He ended up sitting down next to me for a little bit, and I realized I had a chip (basically the equivalent of a fry, although a bit fatter) left. So, I held a chip, and I gave spidy a chip, and yep, my helper for the day took a photo of it. I found it utterly awesome, and hilarious, at the same time. It's a shame I didn't get an audio recording of this particular moment, because it was just hilarious, but whenever I sit down to eat, I stop any audio recordings in progress.

2019-04-19 20:38:49

I have used a cane all the way back to elementary school. Experiences have been diverse and varied, but as I grew older i have realized that I never do too bad in the streets, mainly because I can get help and this gets me places way faster than just merely walking alone. I think the face you put on, the way you act and talk and so on contribute to that image of a cane being a freaky one or a positive one... so it will take time, but its way better to have it all the time rather than just pretend it is not there--it does give you independence which is above all else... oh yeah, and mine is blue.

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station…

2019-04-19 21:26:55

My braille translator/tutor who took care of blind students in a sighted school I was in and was one of my biggest influence always yelled at me for not having cane ready. She always taught me the importance of cane, and 90% of the time, she was right. I almost got hit by a school car because I didn't have my cane with me and they didn't look carefully that I was blind. Luckily, the forested spot by the roadside I crashed into right after I got it saved my life that day.

Why do ghost hunters have to hunt ghosts? Well, there's a fear of being ghosted out there. They may need therapy as well as their ghost hunting kit.

2019-04-21 05:33:00

You people need to seriously accept blindness. Deal with it, accept it. And use your god damn cane. would you rather people know your blind and kindly try to help you out? Or tell you off,  rudely but understandably, for walking into them like an idiot. Without a cane you'll just seem stoned, or stupid, but its your life. You could always say no to help, no one said you had to say you need it.
And redfox? I agree with you saying you should accept that you can't do everything sighted people can, but realistically you can pretty much do anything besides fly a plane or drive. Just gotta find a way. That's the other thing with blind people, a lot of them spend time on their computers collecting their government checks and doing nothing else. Not all, obviously, but a lot. Seriously, live a little. I do, and i've been blind my whole life. Its really not that hard, and if you think that life has to be easy all the time well, its not. Blind or not, its not easy all the time. Accept that god damn it! And use your cane. It could probably save your life honestly.

I am the blind jedi, I use the force to see. I am the only blind jedi.

2019-04-21 07:18:27

I wasn't going to say anything about the few people throughout this topic who have been complete dicks, but now I feel I must.

What, exactly, does cutting someone down who is clearly struggling accomplish? It would be different, although I still stand by what I said earlier in this topic, if the OP had been blind from birth, but not by much. If you lost your hearing tomorrow, how would you like it if somebody told you to grow up and deal with it, and that all deaf people were insert derogatory thing here? Because, let's face it, saying that most blind people are freeloaders who love mooching off the government is derogatory, even if it is true in some cases. Seriously, I promise you that learning to develop empathy is a hell of a lot easier than losing a sense. Give it a try sometime.

The glass is neither half empty nor half full. It's just holding half the amount it can potentially hold.

2019-04-21 09:38:42

I understand what you mean turtlepower. I'm not saying transitioning to being blind when you weren't born blind isn't hard (i wouldn't know truthfully though as i never had that), what I mean is some people never stop living off their government money, or learn to accept blindness and start living their life again. Some are like oh, i'm blind, i can't work, i'll just sit on my computer. Transitioning when you first go blind is obviously going to be hard, but people need to realize after a while that being blind really isn't that bad. You don't like using a cane? Get used to it. The freedom you'll get from using it will make you glad you actually put up with it. Who cares if people judge you? They'd judge you even if you weren't blind, that's what people do. Your hair, what you wear, you can't please everybody. Stop worrying about that.

I am the blind jedi, I use the force to see. I am the only blind jedi.

2019-04-21 18:26:36

Ok, it's not like I have refused to use my cane for 10 years. No I have used it, it hasn't been a big deal all the time. I just haven't used it very well sometimes, and ignored my sfaety. The public image doesn't' make me fold it up and walk without it, I have been dealing with the public image. But, that doesn't mean I like to deal with it. Some of you have the wrong idea. I do use my cane, I just don't use it to its full potensial. But I will start doing that. Don't think I am stupid enough to just not use my cane especially when traveling somewhere I don't know. I'm not that dumb.

2019-04-21 19:03:09

@46, ok, I understand what you mean now. Thanks for clarifying. I agree with you for the most part, but your first post in this topic was a bit tactless IMO.

The glass is neither half empty nor half full. It's just holding half the amount it can potentially hold.

2019-04-21 20:18:20

Justmy opinion. I think blind schools are probably a big part of this problem. Your screwed over when you get out of those, uh, institutions. But that's another topic.

I am the blind jedi, I use the force to see. I am the only blind jedi.

2019-04-21 20:27:27 (edited by Zarvox 2019-04-21 20:29:24)

I went to school for the blind for 2 years. The best I got from it was building confidence to force my dad to adapt to me traveling.  End it wasn’t even the school that gave me any confidence, it was just me being away from him.