TheDwarfer, Ironcross, thank you for sharing your experiences.
Ironcross, since you're bowing out, I will leave you be. We are not going to see eye to eye on this, and your vested interest is so small that you're not sure where you're even going with it now. I'm very sorry about all the stuff you and your family have gone through, though, because for everything I might say about people's struggles not always being their fault or whatnot, it can still be utterly ruinous to others. I feel that.
TheDwarfer, I feel I'm stopping well short of personally attacking you. I'm shredding your words, not your person. I really don't have a quarrel with you as an individual and definitely do not want to see you punished or run off for any of this. I really don't like what you're doing, but that's as far as it goes.
When someone I know is going through some sort of crisis, whether it's very new or whether it's something they've struggled with for years, if I face it head-on, my first question is almost always, "Can I help?", and if they say yes, or if they give me an indication that they will at least be open-minded, if I try, my next question is "How can I help?" This is because I believe, to the very core of my being, that the best thing to do is to find a need and fill it. If someone says the best thing I can do for them is to listen to them cry, I'll do it. If they say they want me to help them make a psychiatric appointment, I'll do it. If they want to be distracted in a non-destructive way...well, you get the picture. I do it, because I believe that a person has to come to whatever healing they find on their own.
If long periods of time go by and the person doesn't heal, I come to one of two conclusions. And here, I think, is where we differ. One conclusion, and usually the first one I jump to, is that the person is not equipped to heal. Something is missing, something is blocked, something is misfiring. Eliminate that, and improvement becomes possible. Ignore it, and all attempts will fail, fizzle or straight-up collapse. The other conclusion is that the person is dead set against healing for some reason, and this usually feeds back into conclusion #1, because most people, all things considered equal, don't want to just die or give up. If they're there, it's because things and situations and people put them there, and you have to expose the underlying issue before any progress will be made.
Let's take Danny apart for a moment.
You say he's not actually making any effort to change, that his apology is probably a cry for attention or, at best, the ineffectual flailing of someone who says the right things but has no real drive behind the desire to change.
Okay, let's work with that. So the next question is: why?
Why is he there? What has made it so that he feels unable to change? What has made it so that he feels defeated, and as if he must try and protect us from his bad behaviour? What makes him seek attention? What makes him say he wants to do better, while simultaneously admitting he doesn't know if he can?
I'll tell you. It's actually pretty simple when you boil it down.
You, and other friends he's got, have not, as yet, been able to alleviate whatever is wrong with him. Maybe it's psychiatric. Maybe it's environmental. Maybe it's chemical. Whatever it is, you haven't fixed it. So expecting him to go forward as if his desire to have it fixed means it's a done deal? That's just silly. The truth is, not a single one of us knows exactly what is wrong here. That probably includes Danny himself. This means that none of us, self included, are in a position to render judgments.
If you don't want to be a part of making Danny better, then don't be. No one's got a gun to your head. I, for instance, don't know the dude. I don't plan to start trying to get in touch with him and spending five hours a day on the phone as his de facto therapist. But I'm also not going to waste a single second contributing to his misery. I'm not going to talk about how he's broken his word, or how he's failed in the past, because it doesn't matter. Whether or not I believe his resolve right now is irrelevant. And so is your own disbelief. Totally irrelevant. If you want Danny to be better, actively I mean, then minimize your negative impact. If you don't give a rip, then I still think it is incumbent upon you to minimize your negative impact.
As a last thought, I just want to point out that the world is full of people who think their intervention is worthwhile simply because they're bothering in the first place. Most of them are wrong. They speak out of a desire to say "There. I did something" over a desire to actually fix what's wrong. And even with a true desire to fix what may be broken, many people assume that their way is best without listening to what the situation tells them. I don't even know Danny, and I can already tell you with a fair degree of certainty that kicking his ass, or expressing disbelief, will not help him, and may harm him. Conversely, I know that trying to appeal to your sense of both logic and emotion may cause you to re-examine your actions, which is why I attempted what I did. That said, this is where I take my own advice and bow out. Mayve I've done you nothing except fire you up and make you upset. If so, I apologize, because I've obviously failed you there.
Check out my Manamon text walkthrough at the following link:https://www.dropbox.com/s/z8ls3rc3f4mkb … n.txt?dl=1