Dear members of the social societies known to socialize on a regular basis while holding bags of buttery ultrapopcorn,
It has come to our attention that ultrapopcorn has, owing to its being an interestingly controversial and somewhat flavorful mass produced product, become exceptionally poppular amongst the human race, resulting in microwaves generating subnuclear explosions because of the intensity and frequency with which it is cooked and otherwise assembled. Such devices will soon be labeled weapons of mass concussion by all political, security and inteligence gathering agencies.
To be clear, let us unclearly define what that means for all of your previous consumption, acquisition, manipulation, and association with ultrapopcorn products. First, lets preface this unclarified section by telling you that bags of ultrapopcorn have been found at supermarkets at 6 for 5 dollars, which was never our intention. This in essence means that someone is proffiting off of our product and has done so without our consent. Forget the fact that our ultrapopcorn was so buttery that the formula for our megabutter practically leaked out through virtually self-created holes we once believed were air tight, water tight, dirt tight... We didn't consider our butter being so powerful!
Because of these unforseen circumstances, we have decided to shelve the product and give you a crash course on what we define as freely given and what is rightfully ours. Yes yes, we know you are currently looking at all of this and saying that free is free and that once it's free you can't get it back, but supposing for a minute someone went into your house right now and stole your ultrapopcorn memorabilia, including the microwave you subnuked it in... We're sure you can see where we're going with this argument. Regardless whether in fact you can or cannot see where we're going with this argument, we regret to inform you that the discontinuation of this product is irrevocable. As such, we strongly forbid that any ultrapopcorn or any of its products be bagged, unbagged, canned, uncanned, popped, unpopped, bottled, unbottled, rebottled, packaged, unpackaged, repackaged, prepackaged, used, misused, unused, reused, assembled, disassembled, misassembled, reassembled or even so much as be thought or unthought of, regardless how much you may or may not have enjoyed it. We would like you all to pretend ultrapopcorn never happened and, that being the case, please stop jumping on social networking sites and articulating, expressing and or otherwise communicating about this matter as such discourses shall soon be falling under the umbrella of mass discussion, which may result in cybercharges being brought against you after being prosecuted to the fullest extent by all just and unjust laws available in the land of red potter wilderness survivors.
Thank you all for your attention, retention, contention, detention, attraction, detraction, extraction, subtraction and your time.
P.S, this topic is not endorsed by any illegal entities, save the ones who would use it for their own personal gains.
P.S.S, the inspiration for this topic came from @cartertemm... While I was enjoying a bag of pretzles I decided to see what kind of craziness might be going on with all of ya, then discovered my want for something so buttery I would end up with a heart attack within 10 seconds of initial consumption, hence this cheesy topic, because cheese ultrapopcorn would rock my socks off, after it places me on a stretcher on my way to a holiday with more wires and electrodes than I've ever seen in my lifetime.
P.S.S. .S. I hope the members of the polite warfare society I accidentally started some 2 years ago will contribute to my ultrapopcorn project; you all know who you are. I miss you guys a ton. Keep this topic poppin and I'll keep on hoppin round our newly constructed tubular supercombustable supercharged silos intended to tickle the ears of 7.99999999887531.3.141592654billion rounded human aliens; no our silos are not equipped with anything other than subnuclear ultrapopcorn missiles... Yes, weapons of mass concussion...
P.s.s .s ..! / /! /./.. . ... ! .. If you've managed to read this far, let me clarify that this is not an attack on anyone, so much as a satirical attempt to ease recent tentions. Despite my being such a shadow in the darkness since, forever, stepping away from the forum for the most part, trying to find some semblance of closure given everything that's happened and whatnot, I still believe in this place and many of its contributors. And no, those punctuations are not morcecode for your entertainment; they're idiocy for my own amusement.
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