2019-08-21 17:50:31

Spending all our lives
On what we believe in
Struggle day by day
But never retrieving
Taking our chances
And follow the footsteps
Ancestors will take us to this fight
At the time it was blistering snowing

Never really knew about
Where we were going.

Meaningless life across the gates of  distant skys, searching for the power to go on through this empty life.
Time has come now
To cross over
Here and now until
The curtain lowers

Slaying all the evil down below
Onwards we ride now
To what we know
Strong enough to stay
And carry on forever
Brace your soul
To fight whenever

Never know how far we travelled
We will have our stand
Across the deepest oceans
Gold is in our hands
Good things will come
For those who wait we can't deny
Still the battle raging and the fire burns inside

Take you with me, we will fly across the sea
To the land of the sun where our journeys begun
All fear is gone, we sail until the dawn
Deepest fears will burn inside your mind

Searching never ending
For the chaos ascending
You forgot the spirits
All times pretending
Passing shades of darkness
In the world around you
Finally insanity
In death has found you.

On the edge of life
Trying to pull you under
Deep inside the storm
There's a raging thunder
Sacrifice your innocence
For persecution
As we now prepare
For the revolution

Slaying all the evil down below
Onwards we ride now
To what we know
Strong enough to stay
And carry on forever
Brace your soul
To fight whenever

In a time of fire we're searching
Blind inside the mind
Run away to hell's damnation
One day we will find
Suddenly the skies are falling
Too late for us all
Crashing down on all creation
As the towers fall


Stand before the worlds of freedom
Rise above the war
Ride towards the battle raging
Victory behold
Blackened steel of death tonight
Our legions now descend
Far beyond the gates of glory
Time to rise againFor the souls lost in endless time
But today evry thing is lost, we are boundand slowly we must fall because meaning can not be found in a meaningless univers.
We will rise above the dark existence. Was it helpfull? What do you feel when you read this?

---
"A good ruler gives the goblet to his servants. He never drinks from it himself. The servants need his glory. He does not cary the flame alone.
For a spark does not lit the flame, but the spirit holds it in place. Forgeting that leads one to destruction.
(Enhemodius before the Altar of the Broken)"

2019-08-22 04:57:14 (edited by amerikranian 2019-08-22 04:58:57)

I  feel like the pentameter jumps all over the place, there’s no sense or pattern to it, no flow.  I also feel like at some point there are too many words with the same ending being used in rather close conjunction with each other, degrading from the experience.  Finally, I don’t sense a strong theme in the poem, it feels like a lot of it was slapped on the whim and with no purpose.