2019-08-14 02:11:32

So I have to ask two questions. How do you know when you find the right person I am not seaming to feel that spark with anyone. Also can blind peopele have standerds in terms of looks and personality. Because I get told that because I'm blind that I shouldn't base off of looks. I don't like to date big girls. Also I would never date someone who smokes or who allready has kids is this a bad thing?

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2019-08-14 04:05:59

Of course blind people can have standards when it comes to physical attraction. It's not talked about, but then again, it seems taboo to talk about what traits you find physically attractive these days in general, lest you be accused of fat shaming or other such nonsense. Yes, those types of things are a problem, and toxic assholes are everywhere, but come on. The SJW's need to stop applying ridiculous double standards to everything. You don't want everyone to be painted with the same brush? Fine, then don't do it yourselves. Rant over.

As I was saying, everyone is entitled to find whatever traits, whether physical, intellectual, or emotional, attractive or not based on whatever criteria they use, as long as they're not actively and deliberately trying to hurt others with their standards. Besides, this thing about all blind people being pure of heart and only going on someone's personality is crap. Some people do, I believe the term is demisexual, but that's something a sighted person can feel as well.

Finally, dating someone who already has kids would be an absolute dealbreaker for me, too, since I never want any of my own, but I often feel insecure about that choice. Women are conditioned to believe that we have a biological clock, and to not heed its siren song is akin to being a monster. Men don't have it any easier, since the reason that, on average, they have a less difficult time expressing their desires is that their biology tells them to have lots and lots of sex in order to procreate and ensure the species lives on. This, of course, has manifested itself in modern times as pride in passing on the family name, but either way, it makes me feel that, not only am I a monster and a failure for not wanting to bear the supposedly beautiful gift of a child, but also, any guy I would be with in a long-term capacity would feel emasculated because I wouldn't allow him to create a child with me. I feel that such disperity would end any relationship. My lack of success in regards to relationships would certainly seem to confirm this. I wish things were different, since it's not like we're cave dwellers anymore, so we don't need to reproduce in such abundance, but that's just how it is.

The glass is neither half empty nor half full. It's just holding half the amount it can potentially hold.

2019-08-14 05:03:00

I made to be amused by my sighted friends when they said that blind people like me can't se, so they shouldn't have a too high of physical standard regarding their couple. I am totally blind since birth but it doesn't make me lose it. Yes, I more incline toward emotional connection, but of course it needs something as a base, mainly conversation, physical interaction and chemistry in order it to  work

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2019-08-14 05:22:31

What traits do you find attractive? For me it is someone who is warm and caring, a cute laugh, funny, intelligent, passionate about a hobby or their work, a sexy voice, a vibrant personality. Looks enter into it, but they're not the only thing. Maybe think of a list, and think of people who have met a few of those things in that list, but not all of them, etc. Have you ever felt that way about anyone in your life, or is this just recently. Maybe you have to form a bond with someone first. Get to know them and then you feel sexual attraction. That's demisexual, or you could just be asexual. Take some time and start exploring your sexuality and see what you turn up.

Pain is life and life is pain.

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2019-08-14 05:38:50

SJWs who insist that we don't have physical standards are actually pretty rare. The problem is, they're also pretty damn loud. My only piece of advice on that one is gentle. Size isn't like bad breath or totally incompatible views; size may impact how attracted you are to someone, but that's about it. Many larger individuals are perfectly healthy and so the health argument can't be used. As someone who has dated people of various sizes during my time, the advice I want to offer is to use that particular criterion as a soft one (i.e., if everything else is there, but she's a bit bigger, don't slam the door outright). But that's just the way I personally see it; if for whatever reason that's a huge dealbreaker for you, then just be gentle about it, that's all.

Regarding kids and all that? You are absolutely not a bad person for not wanting kids. I've bounced around on this one; my current partner has a child, and I think in a perfect world she wouldn't have one, but I don't mind that she does because I feel I'm capable of nurturing a small human and such. In the past I've been much firmer on the no-kids side of things, however. I don't like the way society shames people for not having children, or not wanting them. It's sickening to me.

I have some physical standards, and I have a bunch of personality ones as well. For instance, I won't consider dating a woman who smokes heavily, and I'd rather not end up with someone who's got a heavy drug addiction right off the start (I'd work with someone if they developed one of these later in a relationship, depending on the situation). I'd rather not date someone who has a house full of kids, and if you're right of center, you can probably forget it. Ditto if you're strongly religious (any stripe) or a health nut (I'm not, and don't want to be). I've learned what my dealbreakers are, but I've also learned that there are a lot of things that I don't like but which I'd consider if everything else lined up. Don't ever let anyone dictate your terms of attraction to you. Those are yours to decide.

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2019-08-14 05:45:17

This is entirely off topic, but I'm curious: how many times did Jade say I including diriveritives in that last post? Anyone want to play the drinking game on that one?

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2019-08-14 05:48:04 (edited by Dark 2019-08-14 05:49:37)

@Turtlepower, the sterriotype of men wanting lots of sex and nothing else  pretty much just as sexist as the idea that all women want to have kids, and can cause just as much damage in its own way, especially given how female centred the hole conventional "dating" process is. One of my best male friends always wanted kids right from the age of 19, whilst one of my best female friends categorically %100 doesn't, like everything else all generalisations are bad and usually a product of one set of extremists or the other.

Amusingly enough,  my lady and I both tentatively admitted to the other that we didn't want children. She thought I wanted them and was sorry because she %100 biologically cannot, and I thought she wanted them and was sorry because I really don't.

Neither of us is a monster last I checked, we're just two people who love each other, like our own space and don't want kids, which is actually pretty good since even if my lady could have kids god knows what sort of mess our collectedly fowled up genes would do, aside from the mess the world's in currently (honestly if I had kids I'd  win paranoid father of the year award).

As to attraction, there are a hell of a lot of things people find attractive, in my case my lady and I met online and she was far more interested than I was at that point. When we met everything just went "click!" heck,  we rather joke that we fulfilled each other's teen crushes, since I always had a thing for tiny ladies who look like dryads, whilst she always wanted to find an English tenor big_smile.

I will say meeting online did give us the advantage of knowing each other's voice and personality first, but it was quite surprising when we met in person just how down right explosive the chemistry happened to be, indeed we  much fulfilled all the romantic cliches big_smile.

The only problem is I can't explain how or why this happened, indeed other than my usual advice about the dating game being a mugs game, I can't really say much.
My lady and I just got very, very lucky, so lucky its virtually a miracle.

With our dreaming and singing, Ceaseless and sorrowless we! The glory about us clinging Of the glorious futures we see,
Our souls with high music ringing; O men! It must ever be
That we dwell in our dreaming and singing, A little apart from ye. (Arthur O'Shaughnessy 1873.)

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2019-08-14 20:08:46

Well, as a guy that loves big girls, I think attraction isn't everything about a relationship. I've dated big girls with awful personalities, or even big girls that just want money to help them keep getting bigger. While the fantasy is very arousing, the reality isn't arousing at all because it's just being used by some one for their own goals. I've also met skinny girls with beautiful, full, vibrant, alive personalities, which made me think nothing about their small size, so looks are definitely not everything.
But, I know, like any sexually motivated person, that attraction does help the process along, so if you find a girl that checks all the boxes, that's great. I'm here to tell you though, it'll take a while. Just please, for your own sake, don't settle for some one you know you won't be happy with, and spend plenty of time getting to know the girl before you take things towards marriage. Once you are bonded to some one, breaking that bond hurts, and takes plenty of emotional and financial resources.

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2019-08-14 20:26:07

Also, you gotta work on your tickle game. See, most girls like getting tickled, even if they pretend not to in the moment. Of course, after you do it, you gotta make sure they actually do so you don't keep doing something they actually don't like. However, the two places you should aim for is the sides under the ribcage but above the hips, and the back of her thighs under her ass. You go there, and it's game over. Any others you find on your own.

Pain is life and life is pain.

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2019-08-14 20:45:31

@dark, if only the rest of us could be as damn lucky as you lmfao.
@op: As people have said, there's no shame in what you find atractive, and nobody can dictate that for you.
I have personal preferences that some of my friends don't agree with, but that's what makes us human.
Even if your blind, physical appearance can be a leading factor in things like this, or it won't be, depends on what you like.
For me, it's a mix between looks, voice, and personality.

Funny thing, I have hardly any experience so probably don't listen to me, I don't know what I'm talkin about!

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2019-08-14 21:04:47

See, I’ve never dated.  That does not mean that I did not consider the question, however.  I don’t think looks would play much into deciding whom I like and whom I don’t.  For me, personality is a big one. If you can’t handle crap, you’re not the person for me. If you can handle crap and return it, let’s talk.  That being said, I had offers. Offers from very strange places, people you‘d least expect.  Some person would probably except, refusing to upset the girl, that’s not me.  I turned people down, with care, but I still did.  One of the golden rules that I stick by is  don’t give a fuck about what others may think of you.  If you do, be ready to hurt, a lot. This world is not the nicest place, and it will never be.  I feel like this is especially important for us, because a lot of people may underestimate what we can do, like, or want.

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What is hard is making code that accepts different and sometimes unexpected types of input and still works.
This is what truly takes a large amount of effort on a developer's part.

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2019-08-14 21:45:58

I'll chime in.

For me....personality wins out above all else. I'm sorry but looks fade. Personality is who you are. Or, in other words, you could be dating a supermodel who ticks all the boxes physically but if you're not compatible personality wise....yeeeeah.

Also, physical looks are not the be all and end all. Or, to use one of my favored sayings.

Big hearts and brains are better than big boobs. I.ee. Personality and smarts over looks any day for me. Though I often think I'm alone in that regard, really...

If in doubt, chocolate and coffee. Enough said.

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2019-08-14 21:50:36 (edited by JaceK 2019-08-14 21:52:05)

Oh and one more question from me. Maybe it's the sort of people I hang around with, but I've heard this from other people too, what's up with women bragging about their chest size exactly? Is it like a peacock showing off feathers or something I don't understand? I'm sorry but I'm tired of girls throwing the 'my cup size is so and so' at me. It....yeah it pisses me off. I don't see guys bragging about their dick size, so.....what's up with that?

Okay, I'm not generalizing *all* women, Gods knows I'd get smacked by several friends of mine, but.....seriously......what's up with certain types of women peacocking their tit size to get attention?

Edit: @1: You'll know that spark when it happens. That's the only thing I can tell you. Just....be prepared for a lot of heartache and exes before you do find 'the one'

If in doubt, chocolate and coffee. Enough said.

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2019-08-14 22:46:25

I prefer petite with small brest sizes I can't stand large.

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2019-08-14 23:12:24

Well...my point was more why do some women feel the need to throw it around or something?

Also the 'you are blind so looks do not matter' shit pisses me off royally. Okay, I barely got any vision, but even I think looks do matter.............to a point.

To be honest, I don'#t care how big somebody's breasts are. Personality wins out. Or in other words, hey, personality wins out over looks every time.

If in doubt, chocolate and coffee. Enough said.

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2019-08-15 01:22:21

JaceK wrote:

I don't see guys bragging about their dick size, so.....what's up with that?

Wait, really? They do that all the time, and I do mean *all* the time. What circles have you been in and under what rock have you been living? I'm not saying it's a good thing, just that it happens quite frequently.

Pain is life and life is pain.

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2019-08-15 01:40:48

There's room under this rock for you too Ironcross if you'd like. To be fair I don't hang out with *that*many guys to be honest, and I've mostly noticed the women doing it online dating circles. I've yet to run across a guy bragging oh I got a 50 ft dick in a dating site profile, yet. Now I said that....it'll happen

If in doubt, chocolate and coffee. Enough said.

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2019-08-15 02:43:07

lol

Pain is life and life is pain.

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2019-08-15 02:44:13

Uh, why would dick pics be such a pervasive problem otherwise? Surely you don't send those if you're not happy with what you've got? I can't say I've ever heard people overtly bragging about breast size, either, not unless it's a preference they have for what they want in a partner. I'm sure it does happen, but I can't say as I've ever encountered it on the level you describe.

The glass is neither half empty nor half full. It's just holding half the amount it can potentially hold.

2019-08-15 04:37:22

Some women will talk about and be proud of their breast size. Men usually don't talk quite so baldly about the size of their junk, but as pointed out previously, the prevalence of dick pics should speak for itself. they may not want to talk about it and brag, but they'll happily splatter unsolicited penis shots wherever they think they can get away with. Women don't, as far as I know, get in the habit of randomly sending people pics of their boobs. So to me, men are way, way worse in this regard.

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2019-08-15 16:00:47

My answer to your first question is simple: you'll know. Emotional tendencies towards someone become plainly apparent to you.
Secondly, attraction is attraction, and don't let anybody tell you what you can and cannot be attracted by.
Quite honestly, I don't know that being sighted has much to do with being stupid when it comes to relationships - I couldn't handle dating just anybody. In fact, I'm not into this whole "dating" scheme of things. Going on a date to me is just hanging out but with the expectation you'll get lucky after you've gone to dinner and a movie; is that what people do nowadays? I feel like Tinder blew that whole societal view of a typical date out the window. Once people felt like they had a legitimate way to have sex without pressure to wow the other person, I feel like the idea of dinner/movie/playtime crumbled, but maybe that's just me.
In any case, if you can find a person (male/female/other, it's 2019, as the kids say) who you find physically attractive and you are emotionally connected to in a healthy way, you've struck more gold than the folks in 1849. I say physically attracted to as in physique, hair color, etc. I personally put redheads at the top of my list because that's what I find most attractive. It goes redheads, blondes, brunettes, and black-haired girls. And what do you know, I'm blind. There's also a difference between not being attracted to somebody who's bigger and fat shaming. Humans are humans, and this idea that you should be ashamed of yourself because you're not physically attracted to literally every human being that exists on planet Earth is laughably ridiculous. It's all about balance. Don't base your decision solely on physical appearance, but don't exclude it from the equation, either.
It's interesting to see how blind people handle attraction. For sighted people, it's more of a person's looks. For blind people, it's more of a person's voice. Believe me, there's a lot of shallow blind people out there, because, and I know this will be shocking, blind people are humans too. I've been flirted with by plenty females who found my voice attractive, and I wanted nothing to do with 90% of them. They were mostly interested in me talking more-so than what I was saying. It made for some satisfying fun at times, but it was that shameful "I know what I did is in my past" kind of fun. Full disclosure, I am a heartbreaker (as in I'm picky, I don't enjoy hurting people emotionally). I'm in it for more of the physical satisfaction, because having a strong connection with someone requires a lot for me.
I say emotionally connected to in a healthy way for a very good reason -- toxic love is a thing. You want to have a healthy connection with the person you're interested in. Far too many people find themselves in predicaments where the one they love isn't any good for them for one reason or another. Perhaps their significant other is abusive, manipulative, so on and so forth. I can't stand when people say "why don't you just leave them? It's that simple..." Uh, yeah. Of course the person who has no emotional stake in the matter is going to assert how simple they think it is to just up and leave. Without giving regard to the strong feelings one has for another, your opinion isn't valid and you're not helping. That in no way makes it okay for that person continuing to be abused or manipulated, but it's hard to sever ties with someone you do have that connection with. Don't feel like you need to intertwine this with physical relationships. Some people will argue that you should have an emotional connection to a person to have sex. I personally call BS, but that's me. If you agree or disagree, okay, no sweat. Do what makes you comfortable. As long as both of you are on the same page, it doesn't matter. I can't stress enough how important it is to have that open line of communication. The last thing you want is to make the other person uncomfortable emotionally or physically, so have that conversation. Make sure that if you expect it to be a physical relationship with no emotional strings, you communicate that to that person. You owe it to them and yourself to be honest about your intentions. Otherwise, you'll probably wind up hurting them, and that's a terrible thing, so [be honest!]

2019-08-15 16:50:44

My answer is simple: there is nothing wrong with being attracted to certain kinds of people. At the end of the day, everyone, even if they don't want to admit it, places some value on physical attraction and other attributes deemed to be shallow. To some extent, judging people by solely voice is a so-called "shallow" classification of attraction. Although, "shallow" is quite subjective. But whatever! You know what I mean. As others have said, you do you. All this being said, and I can't emphasize this enough, don't be a jerk about it. And if you only want physical attention, whether that be sex or otherwise, just be up front about it. Don't be disrespectful. Dating is so easy if you just keep these these things in mind. I know it sounds cliche, but if you're nice, respectful, polite, and up front, you can meet so many great people.

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2019-08-15 20:23:42

Yes, dating in the modern age does seem to be more trouble than it's worth, from my perspective at least. I could never just swipe right for a good time, or wade through hundreds of one-word messages on a dating site just to go out with someone, have a lukewarm experience with them, and never see them again. That sounds very emotionally draining to me, not least because I'm an introvert, and it takes time for me to warm up to people. The expectation that we have just a couple of hours to get to know each other and then bang is just not my thing either. Don't get me wrong, as long as those kinds of things are safe and consensual for all involved, I have absolutely no problem with it if that's your preference, but I'd never be compatible with a person like that. The vast majority of relationships I've been in have started out as friendships. I don't think I'm demisexual, because I can, and have, felt strong attraction to people I didn't really know, but for me, the physical side of a relationship is so much better when it's more of an evolution than something that just happens out of lust. I don't know if it's because I have a hard time opening up to people in general, or because of stuff that's happened in my past, but that's just how I am. It seems that most people nowadays are just out for a good time, and, while that's fine for them, it isn't so much for me. I feel that I'd probably have to go through the motions and do what they wanted, though, since this is such a common expectation now, and maybe I'm just a prude or something. This, among other things, is the reason I'm definitely not looking for a relationship.

The glass is neither half empty nor half full. It's just holding half the amount it can potentially hold.

2019-08-15 21:31:45

For me there's no love.
But good luck man, maybe you'll end up with less wounds than I have.

Raduvay se, raduvay
Raduvay se domaki ne
Kolko liste po gorach
Tolko zdrave na taz kyshcha

2019-08-15 22:33:29

JaceK wrote:

Oh and one more question from me. Maybe it's the sort of people I hang around with, but I've heard this from other people too, what's up with women bragging about their chest size exactly? Is it like a peacock showing off feathers or something I don't understand? I'm sorry but I'm tired of girls throwing the 'my cup size is so and so' at me. It....yeah it pisses me off. I don't see guys bragging about their dick size, so.....what's up with that?

Okay, I'm not generalizing *all* women, Gods knows I'd get smacked by several friends of mine, but.....seriously......what's up with certain types of women peacocking their tit size to get attention?

Edit: @1: You'll know that spark when it happens. That's the only thing I can tell you. Just....be prepared for a lot of heartache and exes before you do find 'the one'

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