Well, my friends, I’m ashamed to say I was wrong. A few of you more vocal folks warned us all, and how stupid I feel for not listening! I awoke this morning from my private room, and emerged into the public forum and found myself in a new world. All of our wisest leaders had stepped down, citing personal reasons. I have just sent out my army of investigative imps but the impending news they will be delivering is already pretty clear to me.
The answer, my friends, is the latest forum moderator to grace us with his dark presence. I’m sure you all know who I speak of, but as terrifying as the prospect is, I will speak his name! It’s J… J… Jade! Please don’t ask me to say it again. If I do, he may detect it and crush me with his gargantuan banhammer that he lugs about.
So, my imps have yet to return, but I already know what happened! See, the dark one (not to be confused with Dark, the darkest of them all,) blackmailed his fellow moderators and forced them to step down. It’s all over now. He has won the war, all because some of us did not realize how urgent the situation was.
Still, if you haven’t publicly challenged him, you may yet be safe. Offer him tribute of at least 100 thumbs ups and about 150 posts praising his good name and you may yet impress him with your loyalty. He will spare you then. For the rest of us, though, it is the banhammer, I am afraid. There is no point in running. He can see general game discussions, new releases, off-topic conversations, and anything else you can possibly imagine. I implore you, my friends. Kneel and face your punishments. The fight is over. The only thing that could save us is the collection of seeds that Dark used to have. You know, the ones that when cast at an opponent would turn into massive pods of doom? Unfortunately, Dark has been imprisoned, and his seeds conf… wait!
Wait a minute… Is that Imperious and his troops returning? Hey! It is? They bring wondrous news! Turns out the other moderators did actually step down for personal reasons after all! Now I feel stupid! To be fair, though, I wasn’t wrong. Imperious informed me that Jade did mail letters thanking the other moderators for their service, but the thing is, he mailed them inside of black envelopes!
from The Book of Mozilla, 11:9