2017-09-28 11:17:59

So this is just a draft post for FB that I put up on the site then took down.
A little back storie so I finely took a chance and asked this girl out that I new from my high school well of course I get the same "I'm not searching for a relationship." Well than what are you searching for. It sounded veg. I just was asking if I could take her out to dinner. I don't really consider that a date and I wasn't asking to jump in head first right away. Now I have read many articles on the subject and does it have something to do with sexuality? She is a christian girl and I'm a christian as well. So After that happened that is what prompted me to write this post. Someone said it was good that I was letting out my pent up anger. Have you ever had pent up anger that you just wanted to release in the form of a long text post rant? Well hear is the post enough of my rambling. Please don't mind the swear words.

I'm thinking about changing the show. Because my ideas are not wanted hear and you don't know how many times I have been rejected and I have tryed to reach out to people. Because people tell me to reach out to people and I did and I always get rejected or they leave. It really hurts me. It makes me have trust ishues. I'm not into the partying or one night stands. And I don't understand why girls just can't tell the truth instead of saying its personal or I'm not searching. Do you know how frustrating that is. Why do you think people are so confused on relationships. There are good guys but the fucking bad ones screw it up for the rest of us. Sorry for ranting but that is how I feel. Do you understand what I'm saying I just want to be treated like everyone else. I want to have a social life but I never got that. And what am I doing? I'm sitting hear doing nothing with a GED that I spent 100 dollars on and took two weeks to get. And I'm afraid of going to college because I don't want to pay out of the ass and get a 4 year degree then get out of school and maybe not find a job and pay damn college debt for the rest of my life. I'm not mad at any one person and its not there fault this is many people over time. Are fucking generation is screwed up in many ways. We don't know how to tell the truth. We don't know how to take responcability for things. We want everything and don't want to work for it. Sorry for ranting. She seamed like a nice girl and that is why I asked her out. Does this have something to do with the femanist movement I am asking my self all types of questions. Why people in are generation are not open to commitment or relationships like other generations used to do. Please lord I hope I'm not losing my mind.

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2017-09-28 11:44:00

Hi, no. you are not loosing your mind. things in life happens this way.
It is just one of the things where it did not go that well with you.
I guess if you go to another girl, and do the same, she should not say no... they are not all the same.
Not every day is going to be the same day as today.
Good luck, and best regards

best regards
never give up on what ever you are doing.

2017-09-28 16:02:15

I don't remember if I ever knew where you live, but the Anglosphere (or the US, at least) has a bizarre fear of saying what anyone means. It's not linked to any particular movement, so far as I can tell; it's a weirdly embedded qwerk of culture. I kinda think the Americam fear of asking for directions is related, somehow, but I can't really back that up atm.
It is always possible she was telling the whole truth. It's also possible the true reason is one of those things you're not allowed to say for some mysterious reason. I get the impression that a lot of rejections come down to something on the scale from "You're not my type" to "For physical attractiveness reasons which may or may not be within your control, that idea disgusts me". But the "not my type" end seems to be the only part of that scale people generally say out loud, and then only if they can't find an easier way out. I think part of it might be a fear of offending someone, and part of it might be a fear that providing an actionable response will result in a repeated attempt. (Although, in the latter case, that suggests there's some deeper reason they either don't recognize or are even less willing to say.)
I can't offer anything but second-hand advice, and we all know how dubious that can be. The two common bits are "If you aren't already (and most guys aren't), try to work on your physical appearance" (I dunno, this usually never gets more specific than the people into lifting saying you should lift, but I'm not gonna so I'm not going to be a hypocrite and suggest it tongue ), and "Slowly work you're way up to it, always in an indirect fashion that provides plausible deniability and an easy and painless escape route". That one usually involves an annoying amount of interpreting body language, but is still accessible enough.
Personally, I hate both of those because I'd have a hard time respecting someone who couldn't just say what they mean instead of demanding a complicated and never-explained handshake ritual, but maybe I've read too much fanfiction.

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"If you want utopia but reality gives you Lovecraft, you don't give up, you carve your utopia out of the corpses of dead gods."
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    George... Don't do that.

2017-09-28 17:18:26

I dress nice, keep my self well groomed, I am a pretty nice person to people. But the rejection really hurts, I mean it literately hurts I can feel it inside of me. I don't look any different than the average person I have one eye witch is not very good, and I have a fake eye witch is always closed. I guess when they see the blind person they think "Oh he's not into that," or "I will just date him for pity to make my self look good." Wile I am a virgin and I want to wait I see everyone around me having kids, and in relationships. The thing is that at my age we are told to go out to a party get drunk than have drunk sex and when I try and socialize with people I don't get any responce.

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2017-09-28 21:44:47

Join the club.
When I started at school I was fed the idea I'd get a job, get a girl, get layed, get a family and a life.
However the reality was different.
I have not got a job as such, freelance sort of but not a job.
A girl I don't have, a life as society dictates with all the crazy issues with agencies has basically shattered the lie they fed me.
I got a scholarship so debt lower and after the death of some of my grand parents well.
Point is you are not alone.
What you are told does not exist.
Don't take it as in writing.
You are blind, you follow what you are told and it won't work.
You must decide for yourself.
Studdy if you like, Try what you need.
Don't let it restrict you.
Just realise that you will get less than what you have.
I never got full qualifications due to visual issues.
So job wise I am on the poor helpless blind end of society.
My suggestion is make the best of the hole you are put in and if you make it, its your own achievement.
And if you fail its your own to.

2017-09-28 22:19:18

Trying to blame being rejected on the feminist movement rather seems like grasping at straws to me. I'm not just saying that because I'm a woman, since, like all organizations, the loudest and stupidest of them all tend to make the whole movement look terrible, while the good points get buried under all the media hype and general jackassery. Being rjected sucks, no matter how you slice it, and it's normal to look for external causes, I guess, although I tend to beat myself up until I'm nothing but the sum of a lifetime of flaws rather than blame someone else any time it happens to me. In any case, casting around for reasons is normal, but be careful who you're lambasting.

I tend to agree that we often do get passed over for many oppurtunities in all areas of life, from employment to friendship to dating, simply because of blindness. I imagine that people with other types of disabilities have it just as bad, albeit in different ways, unless we start talking about so-called invisible disabilities, which in my opinion is one of the biggest oxymorons I've ever heard. But that's another story. There are people who are willing to look past it, but it's a very long and exhausting search trying to find such people, and I've given up and grown bitter more times than I'd like to admit. Then again, I'm really not the right person to ask for relationship advice. I've spent the past year of my life tearing myself apart over the loss of my last relationship, which by all accounts went badly for reasons which were mostly my fault. I haven't even thought about getting back into the dating game, much less the tiresome business of sighted people and their preconceptions.

The glass is neither half empty nor half full. It's just holding half the amount it can potentially hold.

2017-09-28 23:41:16

I agree that we do get passed up for a lot and if we follow what were told it sucks that it doesn't work.

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2017-09-29 00:56:44

Rejection hurts.  I was 13 when I was rejected for the first time; true story.  Why did it hurt so much?  Perhaps because I met her on Valentine's day of that year?  Perhaps because I waited nearly two full months to ask her out and school was almost over and I would have liked to see more of her that summer rather than hanging out with my friends?  Perhaps because she was acting like I was the best thing she'd layed her eyes on since sliced cheese?  I don't know, but it took a long time; it might have been months, maybe years.  Maybe I'm still not entirely over it and the evidence of that lies in the fact that I'm writing some sappy reflections concerning this matter.  There I was, the summer dying fast, collapsing around me as I went into the 8th grade, and I had asked out a girl...
But the fact I can't get around is that it hurt.  What made it worse is that she couldn't look me straight in the face and say no!  She wanted to dance around it, throw out a bunch of lame excuses about how she was switching schools and we wouldn't see each other again, how she was a year older than I, how she was just not sure it would work.  Whatever the case, she couldn't actually say no.  A plain and simple no would have been better than the empty silence I struggled with when I was brave enough to pose the question and then got no answer and kept wondering why.  Had I misread her?  Had I come on too strong?  I thought girls liked guys who didn't stammer and who had confidence; where did I go wrong?  I stood straight and tall, didn't bat an eyelid, didn't fidget, didn't act nervous, kept my cool, spoke deliberately... WHY!
And oh, the pain!  The heartbreaking monumental collossus of pain that towered over me in everything I did and said and heard!  I smelled her freaking perfume everywhere I went!  I swore I could smell it on myself!  I talked myself into thinking I was crazy!  I'd move my head and my hair would fan the air around me and I'd believe she'd walked in on me doing something stupid, spilling my soul into all of my idiotic poetic lines, lines she'd never see, words she'd never witness as I thumbed through my collection of CD's and wondered what to listen to next to try and ease some of it.
And here I am today; I'm married with 3 children to a woman who isn't the one I asked out 16 years ago... I honestly don't know what became of her.  I never heard from her again after that day.  If I ran into her again today, I'd probably give her a quick hello and be on my merry way.  It's over; it's done.  The end.  That's life, the span of existence we cruise through between birth and death, full of rhythms and cycles in which we can't truly imagine tomorrow, no matter how hard we try.
why worry about tomorrow and the rising of the sun,
Or anguish over past mistakes that cannot be undone.
Why waste life's precious moments on things that bruise the heart,
When today is ours to fashion into a work of art.
Today comes only once and shall never again return,
So use it wisely while you can; there's a lesson to be learned.
Let history record the past and tomorrow come what may,
And let us strive to do the best with what we have today.
P.S, I posted the poem above because I believe this was the one thing I read that truly helped me find closure.  The words were penned by Clay Harrison.

When life gives you oranges, demand lemons since everyone else is obviously getting them.

2017-09-29 14:23:05

I agree with Turtlepower in terms of generally being passed over for things due to disability, however another more serious problem is simply that the usual apparatus of dating and initiating relationships is itself intrinsically biased against men, and even more so against disabled men.

Traditionally, and still unfortunately in a lot of cultures, it is the man who must ask, must interpret signals and the woman who has all the power to accept or reject offers after basic male honesty. In fairness there is another side to this coin which is that it is consequently more difficult for a woman to get out of a bad relationship situation, but that is a different kettle of fish.

Myself, I'd recommend on the relationship angle simply forgetting any of the mechanics of "the dating game"  or "asking someone out" or any of those rituals, as they are intrinsically biased against you, especially as someone whom most people will perceive as basically flawed due to being a blind person and therefore another species.

The honest truth is women are people, with the same sorts of likes and desires and wants as everyone else, and the best way to get on with anyone is remove all the rituals and just be friends.

My lady and I never went on a single formal "date" before we got together, we spent months just chatting by email and then by phone, indeed for a long time we didn't think we could! be together even when we both realized we wanted to be.

Believe me, if your going to marry someone you'll be spending a hell of a lot of time together, especially! I will say given how unpleasant so called "society" tends to be if your a blind person anyway, so starting as friends is definitely the place to begin.

For me, the old cliché about my wife being "my best friend" is absolutely true and something I wouldn't change for anything.

With our dreaming and singing, Ceaseless and sorrowless we! The glory about us clinging Of the glorious futures we see,
Our souls with high music ringing; O men! It must ever be
That we dwell in our dreaming and singing, A little apart from ye. (Arthur O'Shaughnessy 1873.)

2017-09-29 15:26:34

Nice post, Dark.  Entirely agreed and thumbed up!

When life gives you oranges, demand lemons since everyone else is obviously getting them.

2017-09-29 16:33:52

There's also the mystical art of eye-contact, which is apparently the most important thing ever. I might be exaggerating a wee bit.
Everyone says that the west is a "guys ask, girls choose" culture, but if anything I've observed more of the other way around. I dunno; I guess someone somewhere will roll 5 natural 20s in a row, especially if there are over 16 million rolls.

看過來!
"If you want utopia but reality gives you Lovecraft, you don't give up, you carve your utopia out of the corpses of dead gods."
MaxAngor wrote:
    George... Don't do that.

2017-09-29 18:33:07

eNot just in dating rituals, but a lot of places eye contact is something you get punished for if you can't do, especially since increasingly these days interest is falling off in that most old fashioned of passed times known as conversation big_smile.

As to cultural expectations, as with a lot of gender expectations it is true now there are women who do take the initiative, however this isn't correlated as yet with the idea of men who would prefer to be asked being socially acceptable, eg, look at the ridicule of "a boy who can't get a date"

This is even more true in disability related matters, since one statistic I dug up while looking at my thesis stated that five out of six marriages which included one disabled person, the disabled person was female.

Then again, as I said, even for most men who go through all the standard rituals, the conventional idea of finding a life partner  by asking a comparative stranger to spend an evening and or night or two with you is rather nuts anyway.

Most of the people I know  have successful marriages usually started off as friends first, knowing each other from some different context or social activity, or even the internet  before considering anything romantic.

This is generally why I mention the friendship thing as pretty important.

Put it like this, being married to someone means having a full time 24 hour a day room mate, who will not just share your bed, but also your bedroom (including storage space), bathroom, kitchen,  most likely all housework and house hold tasks, and likely half of a lot of other things you do to. You will see each other at the very best and worst moments, not only when your feeling great, but also when your tired, grumpy or ill.

"sharing your life" with someone means just that,  so you had  well better make sure you get on with each other and can live together without driving each other nuts big_smile.

I was actually amazed myself how easy this process was for Mrs. Dark and I, though of course we had the advantage that before we actually started living together we'd spent literally hours conversing, talking about each others likes and dislikes even down to food and house organization, so we were about as prepared as we could be, which is not much big_smile.

With our dreaming and singing, Ceaseless and sorrowless we! The glory about us clinging Of the glorious futures we see,
Our souls with high music ringing; O men! It must ever be
That we dwell in our dreaming and singing, A little apart from ye. (Arthur O'Shaughnessy 1873.)

2017-09-30 05:52:07

I completely understand how you feel hurstseth.

“Can we be casual in the work of God — casual when the house is on fire, and people are in danger of being burned?” — Duncan Campbell
“There are four things that we ought to do with the Word of God – admit it as the Word of God, commit it to our hearts and minds, submit to it, and transmit it to the world.” — William Wilberforce

2017-09-30 06:36:23

this is a pretty damn entertaining topic. keep it up guys!

2017-09-30 08:51:26

I agree with dark. asking a girl directly to go for dinner may work for some guys, but not most and it's never worked for me. get to know a girl, be friends, move it on as you get to know each other. knowing when to move on is a judgment call and if you're shy you do risk falling in to that just good friend trap for ever. then again, the girl may realise that and push you along in the rite direction if she's interested.

body language is a definat problem for us blind people which does put us at a disadvantage because it's hard to tell if somebody is just being friendly, or showing signs they are interested in more than that but you learn to work out those signs eventually by yourself.

may take time but you'll get there.

Who's that trip trapping over My bridge? Come find out.

2017-10-01 21:44:18

I call this sensitivity, an emotion aka bullshit that's been spreading in our world, widely.
this is probably the third time I hear someone saying the same stuff, "o that person left me there is no point to my life."

I gotta say, if you can't do it, at least try to quit being sensitive, get over it and move on. That's how life works now adays. You can't just waste your time crying about something that's probably not gonna change at all.

"oh, you don't have a partner so you don't know how bad it is to don't get someone to love you, oh I can't stand seeing that girl dating an other boy."
now that i call jealousy, and it doesn't need me or anyone to have a partner to feel how bad it is, but i know people who have faced the same stuff and all they did is get the fuck over it.
Also, I am not the only one who thinks this, there are people who would agree with this post, because it's logical that there is no point to torcher yourself because some girl doesn't like you or anything like that, there are tons of better things to do in this life, habbits, reading books, chilling with people, and so on, and not to mention that there might come a day when everything changes, maybe a brighter future opens up, who knows. i mean hi, post 8"s story had a happy ending.
So rather than wasting our time on some dumb ass emotion i call it that, why not continue with our life, and see how it goes? I mean what's past has past, you can't change it can you? Live the present, ignnore the past, you came and asked for advise on this forum, that's the best one I'd give, and it's the one that I gave many people before. Some of them worked with it, others weren't probably trying at all, but hope this helps.

Greetings.
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2017-10-01 21:48:16 (edited by sito 2017-10-01 21:50:56)

topic is entertaining, keep it up

2017-10-02 00:52:26

I agree with Dark. I'm 20 and not concerned about a relationship just yet. I figure I'll meet someone and things will start from conversations. As far as I'm concerned, the quality of a person is the most important thing. Ideally, I'd like to find someone with the same general attitudes/beliefs I have. I do wonder if my generally introverted personality would negatively impact this? It's not to say I hate socializing and interacting with people, I just prefer interacting with one other person or a small group. I love having an interesting conversation with someone rather than going to a big social event like a party. I've discovered that's the best thing to do with someone else rather than going "out" and spending money on entertainment. I don't mind going to a restaurant and talking, but I'm questioning some other activities such as movie theaters that just waste money. The whole subject of movie theaters is for another topic though. This is an interesting discussion.

Grab my Adventure at C: stages Right here.

2017-10-02 02:18:52

Completely agree with Chris 100%.

“Can we be casual in the work of God — casual when the house is on fire, and people are in danger of being burned?” — Duncan Campbell
“There are four things that we ought to do with the Word of God – admit it as the Word of God, commit it to our hearts and minds, submit to it, and transmit it to the world.” — William Wilberforce

2017-10-02 02:50:26

Well, a lot of us have issues with girls I suspect.
I have had good friends that while they have had a good relationship with a girl or a man as the case may be, they often get a bad one, one that gambles and runs off with their cash.
I have a friend who's husband and all of us were really close.
However for some reason he liked being online, he liked gambling, and he liked dating girls online on those sort of porn sites.
It completely destroyed his life, this wife is in another country with his child.
And he has a girl or so every so often for a specified amount of time.
We try to distance ourselves from this no hoper because it doesn't look good image wize yet we are sorry for someone that fell so low from having a good prospect in life.
Closer to home a good friend of mine who I used to know at school has been trapped online.
He meets girls, he has fun, he gives them money.
He talks about it so much with my other friends they want to murder him.
Eventually after the girl stays in carrier or china or something and stuff, it ends.
He is sore about it but then gets another and repeats the cycle.
He has done this for the last 10 years with the relationships lasting about 6 months to a year.
I only hear this second hand mind you.
The bet is he gets up to the dating part, the giving a lot of money to but she stays home and he eventually goes on to another scam.
I've never been interested as such on a girl.
But I have become trapped especially with online accounts into shopping for stuff and I have noticed I will splurge from time to time.
I know I am doing it but always think its only this once and will have to try harder not to.
I have heard enough of those debt programs about people destroying their lives, I really don't want to destroy mine.

2017-10-02 23:13:28

@Post14 and 17 I can't believe you refer to a person's emotional problems as entertaining. That's just wrong.

--------------------
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2017-10-02 23:18:02

just telling it like it is. get over it before I get myself some more popcorn and watch this entertainment continue.

2017-10-02 23:36:25

I suggest those of you who are enjoying yourselves as the expense of others keep that to yourselves, as that is likely to get you into a load of personal trouble; yes, we moderators are watching.

When life gives you oranges, demand lemons since everyone else is obviously getting them.

2017-10-03 08:32:50

I'm not enjoying anything, in fact, i don't care at all. I just gave my advise to everyone and not only this topic's poster, and i don't think you can do anything Nocturnus, cause i can't see anything that's prohibited in the rules. Wait, so are moderators gonna ban me for stayting my thoughts on this topic? I guess I've done it once. I'd understand that if I spammed it, but, I think I am not that drunk yet to not notice me doing that.

Greetings.
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2017-10-03 17:43:50

shotgunshell wrote:

@Post14 and 17 I can't believe you refer to a person's emotional problems as entertaining. That's just wrong.

are you sure its an emotional problem? because it could be someone searching for some attention. posting that kind of stuff on a public forum is just crazy when there is professional help you can get. sure it might cost some money, but its a better solution than just posting it here hoping to get answers. not really trying to be a dick here, just saying there is better help out there besides a public forum.