This missive do I in confusion write for fear and deceit be today's plight. Where be the deceit? I'll tell thee now; of the failed confession of affection, that's how.

Twas not mine plan to fall in love, even though I heeded thine call from above. That call to never the light deny, even if the end result wouldst make me cry.

Nay Mother Goddess, I didst in another way fail and mine soul filled with fear that wouldst overflow an infinite pail. Oh the sacred touch I didst enjoy but knoweth not whether I didst mine chance to be with her destroy.

Twas not the touch but mine words so old; I spake unto her in verse and I didst feel very bold. However, mine language she couldst not understand but Christine didst not for it me reprimand.

I asked and she simply didst say, I comprehend not thine speech, nor thine strange way. Oh I did, I did try to speak plain but fear choked me and twas too much of a strain.

I didst however say I did Christine like and eluded to Cupid's arrow being responsible for my sorry plight. But I couldst not say 'I do thee love,' and why? Love is the highest expression from above.

I couldst not even to Christine be benign for she couldst not accept my free giving; my to her trying to be kind. For no material gifts wouldst she accept but how else am I to her attention get?

Oh Mother Goddess, knoweth not what I must do; how can I be to her and you true? I wilt never her freedom, expression or freedom of expression deny for that wouldst make both me and her cry.

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2 (edited by bashue 2017-05-24 07:07:08)

Greetings all.

After a week and a day, I can now tell you all what my last post was about. I fell in love with Christine, a truly mild and meek soul who works in neighbourly care but I did not have the courage to speak plainly so I spoke in verse instead. That’s what I do when afraid to tell someone I love them and my first post was asking Mother Goddess what to do about it; I also asked her for courage to speak my mind when next Christine and I met. Believe it or not, I tried telling her in Wolpole park in Ealing last week. Yes I did refer to Cupid and his arrows of love but I can't remember whether or not I referred to it while speaking to her in verse. I do know I referred to it when writing to Mother God about Christine but I'm almost certain I mentioned it to Christine to. The sacred touch refers to the love and pleasure felt when you touch the one you love and or when they touch you; even a touch of one hand to another. Anyway, yesterday I did it; I told her how I felt and how afraid I was to say it due to an irrational fear of something going terribly wrong. As it were, my thoughts and emotions ran away with me but Christine put me at ease. Christine, the one who also guided me in the park and who always serves us tea and soup said that at this time, she has no time for a romantic relationship but that’s okay because she knows that if I don’t find anyone in the years to come and she’s not so driven by her work, then we could have a chance. Do I want to look for another? No, not really but my divination tells me that our futures don’t lye together. I’ve been trying to find a way around it but I know ultimately that God speaks true. I also know that as much as I don’t want to follow what my divination tells me at this time, I will anyway because I trust Mother God that in love, nothing is ever lost.

Here’s a poem Saint Sister Clemencia Barns wrote for all. You can find it at then go to the testament of truth, clemency and other inspirational letters. This poem deals not only with romantic love but with all love and people in general and it certainly put my unrequited love into a new light. I’m definitely not saying Christine did anything unkind because she’s while perhaps not a light being yet, she is certainly of the light and she doesn’t have far to go before she becomes free of all darkness and becomes a light being. No, anyone I have in the future will be less than kind and that’s when I must be loving, peaceful, forgiving, merciful and compassionate at all times no matter what anyone does to me because I know that what so ever I did/do will be done unto me; that’s the law of karma. I must never retaliate in the face of adversity and only give good counsel. If the other or others are too far gone AKA cannot hear what I say, then I let God do what he must but I either say and do nothing at all or remain respectful at all times no matter what.

Kind regards, Amin Abdullah.

The courage of Love by Clemencia Barnes.

To love the very lovely - the people filled with grace
To see the light there shining - and feel their sweet embrace
To love the fair of temperament - so gracious, full of charm
To love these souls is easy - for they wrap us in light’s balm
But what of those less gracious - the ones who throw their darts
Who take the love we give them - and hurl it at our hearts?
Who point with unerring accuracy - at wrongs that we have done
And make us suffer deeply - so the course of truth is won
These too are souls of beauty - as the courage of love does know
For what they make us feel - is only what we ourselves did sow
So never strongly justify - that it is they who do the wrong
For then you and your beloved - sing the Dark ones song
And would you break now free - from the curse of that refrain
That same old dirge of sorrow singing - ‘‘love is only pain’’?
Than embrace the one who wounds you - and turn the other cheek
For the wound they may inflict - you inflicted when not yet meek
Yes know that suffering you feel - is never felt by you in vain
All emotions you experience - are experienced because you caused pain
And the courage of love is simple - if this truth you can uphold
That any emotional onslaught - is the truth of the past now told
When you were an arrogant avenger - who put the other right
Believing in retribution - for injustices in your sight
And the times that you sought vengeance - for all or any wrong
Are the times now to you returning - by others who sing your past song
But now as you feel the onslaught - of past deeds that caused unease
Walk in gentle silence - forgiveness will bring your release
To love with silent courage - as words around you break
Is to break the spell of darkness - that you within did take
Walk now in loves courage - and clothe each soul with respect
For each soul is a spark of light - that God insists we protect
And though that light is shrouded - by deeds that make light dim
The courage of Love will see that light - and not the actions grim
Go your way in happiness - let happiness be your song
Walking in the light - which has taught you right from wrong
As you boldly now proclaim - you be no more in the Dark’s employ
Let feel your heart now flowing - with the river of God’s joy.

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Hi Bashue.

Sorry to hear of the unrequited love, though I am glad you walked away from the experience feeling better  rather than worse, since it's all too easy to end up with the opposite.

Hope things work out in future, wehther with Christine or someone else, since culture and  are pretty much against the idea (especially if your male, and even more especially if your disabled).

Still it is possible, indeed I'll say both my lady and I are convinced that divine grace is the only reason we found each other.

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Thanks Dark. I did feel better after the experience and you're absolutely right about you and your wife as that extends to any and all couples in any relationship. Also, the go your way in peace and only love as well as never retaliate philosophy/creed/command traverses all boundaries meaning that even if you don't believe in any higher power, living within that philosophy will benefit all for there are no down sides. As for me saying it's a command, think of it as a law like gravity; it isn't forceful and anyone can choose not to live this way but it is better that people do to improve themselves and uplift one another to make one another happy. I think that's why I came away from the unrequited love experience feeling happy even though the outcome wasn't what I hoped for. Having said that, I also see the outcome as a blessing because to those who acutely feel the absolute pain of rejection, they can also know that in love, particularly love that encompasses all, nothing is truly lost and happiness will come everyone's way; even if it takes an eternity to do so meaning an immeasurably long time.

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Hmmm, I appreciate the optimism. The first experience I had of unrequited love was similarly a good one since much as you describe while she didn't feel the same way, she  did wish me well and indeed was certain I'd find someone.
In fact none of my experiences of unrequited love have been with unpleasant people, though I will say if you have nothing but unrequited love for too many years while all those around you find someone, maintaining a positive attitude is rather difficult, indeed when I first realized what I felt for my lady the experiences was pretty horrible because I was absolutely certain that she did not feel the same way and things wouldn't work out, this is why we both regard it as divine grace, since it was dam unlikely to have happened at all.

Whether all couples have this though I'm not sure of, particularly given how many unhealthy relationships there are out there, my lady has experienced some herself.

That is oddly enough a weird symmetry between us.
My lady sees what she has with me as right because she knows first hand what being with the wrong person is like, I see it as miraculous because I never thought  be with anyone at all! much less  somebody who would want to spend the rest of her life with me.

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I don't have much to say, but the poem in the first post is fantastically well-written and symbolically realistic. Very good job I'd say, and my professor of literature would be more capable of showing you his compliments on the great talent you have on putting your story in verse, and most importantly, very meaningfully and realistically. Compliments on your skills in using old English. It really makes this language sound  richer and more melodious.

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Greetings Afrim.

Thanks for the complement; it is much appreciated. When I'm afraid to tell someone I love them, that's my first fight or flight response but instead of fighting or running, I write in verse. It wasn't easy to learn this particular skill but I've grown into it over the years. My response before I reached my 30eth year was to conquer; I know, not a good response to begin with and I much prefer writing in verse and being kind and non confrontational. Thanks again.

Kind regards, Amin Abdullah.

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