2015-11-27 08:48:22

The irony of the topic name is not lost on me. A topic name like that will draw attention wanted or not. Anyhow, I thought I'd elaborate on the reason it is named as such. I do not seek to draw attention for my own selfish needs in the following post, I only seek to vent.
I am depressed. There I said it. Depressed and suicidal. I have not yet self-harmed but I'm not afraid to. Recently my family pushed my only love and only happiness away because they said she wasn't who she said she was and she was lying to me and hurting me. But in doing so, they hurt me. Now before you say they're just my family and they care for me, don't. I've heard it a million times and while it may be true, she's the only one I love, have loved, or will ever love. Period, done, over with. My mom and sister are raging psychos. Just the other day my mom went off on me for saying I didn't feel like talking about my current mood and my sister gets angry with me if I ask her to help me make food. Sure sure, normal family things, but my mom threatened to kill herself in front of me once. I'm honestly done with living here. School is hard, very hard. I'm failing only one class but it's enough to bring my morale down. I know I should get help. I know I should seek counseling. But I don't think that will help. I'm hopeless, I'm already considering ending it on a daily basis. I've got friends I talk to and only a select few members of my family know and I intend to keep it that way. I'm sorry I know this isn't exactly the place to post this, the title of the forum is Audiogames not Help-For-A-Suicidal-Teenage-Boy-Who's-Probably-Just-Going-Through-Puberty-Or-Something. But I had to tell someone. Anyone. So if I do the extreme someday soon... just know I'm sorry.

Heroes need foes to test them. Not all teachers can afford to be kind, and some lessons must be harsh.

2015-11-27 13:28:25

Hi Ghost Rider.

Well this isn't exactly the right forum for discussion of personal issues or venting, on the other hand the fact you shared this hear is important and we'd be a pretty scummy bunch if we said "smeg off and go somewhere else"
that  being said, if you just need someone to vent to, try The Samaritans

I know the name sounds overtly christian (sinse it comes from the parrable about Jesus christ), but the organization is a definitely secula one. Basically, you phone then, and they give you space to sit and say whatever, they listen, and if you get someone who knows what they're talking about, they listen cooperatively.
So, if you needed to have a good vent to someone, that might be a good place.

I'd also suggest talking a bit to your doctor if possible, sinse there are things that can be done to just make you feel better, perhaps counselling perhaps something else, but if you don't talk to someone outside your immediate circumstance  then your stuck dealing with things on your own.

I can't really speak for the actual problems other than to listen sympathetically, however I will remind you you are a teenaged boy and will be a legal adult in the future. At that point you will be able to do what you want and be with whom you want,  particularly if your parents' judgement is off. It may also be that your mum and your sister just need to get used to the idea, ultimately I don't really know and I wouldn't hazard a guess.

Personally however, for the moment I'd suggest you probably need to have a good vent, find a way to deal with how your feeling, then consider things a little mor rationally.

Resource management games, a few rounds of mortal kombat, some physical exercise, some high coco chocolate, whatever is likely to help with your immediate feelings. one thing I have learnt is that there are things we think about ourselves and our lives (especially as a teenager but often enough afterwards as well), that aren't reasonable or accurate, and feeling we have which aren't particularly good to act on, but still need dealing with.

I've had to do this enough myself, and perhaps it's a suggest you might find useful as well.

Hth.

With our dreaming and singing, Ceaseless and sorrowless we! The glory about us clinging Of the glorious futures we see,
Our souls with high music ringing; O men! It must ever be
That we dwell in our dreaming and singing, A little apart from ye. (Arthur O'Shaughnessy 1873.)

2015-11-27 14:00:52 (edited by CAE_Jones 2015-11-27 14:03:05)

[edit: Dark's post is better than this one. If this one starts to seem counterproductive, read Dark's again.]

(I can't promise that any of these resources will be helpful. They're just the first things I could think of.)
r/depression
Things that sometimes help when you have depression (I don't expect you can access these unless it's through school, if your family is such a big part of the problem, and depression and blindness both make applying all of them difficult, but just in case it helps...)
DBT: Crisis Survival
r/mentalhealth (I haven't looked into this subreddit in any depth; I've heard people complain about a few norms it has, so I'd be reluctant to post anything there.)

There's the national suicide prevention hotline, if you're in the US. I hear lots of people complaining about it having long wait times and just directing you to local therapists, though.

Will counseling help? Heck if I know. The trouble with all these interventions is that none of them address inescapable life circumstances that lead to the problems; they try to aim for the things that a trip to a doctor/pharmacy think they can handle. Sometimes, this makes a big enough difference that people can cope, find new ways to fix things, etc. Sometimes it doesn't.
I want to say "Make it through the next four years, then grab all the opportunities you can while the government will still pay for them", but I'm pretty sure I'd hate it if someone told me that. I can't think of anything better, though. Generally speaking, I've come across loads of people who were unhappy and even suicidal as teenagers who found college/legal freedom an amazing improvement. (I am not one of them, but it really depends on specific details, especially the people.)

Your family sabotaging other relationships doesn't tell us much by itself (although I've only heard of that ending well in TV shows), but combined with your mother threatening to commit suicide in front of you, it's pretty clear there is a lot wrong in this situation. It isn't clear from your description whether it's a case of Borderline Personality, or emotional abuse. people have a tendency to describe them similarly, much to the chagrin of not-so-abusive borderlines (link focuses on romantic relationships, but there might be something worth reading there?).

I wish I could offer something better than "please hold on a while longer", but these things never seem to lend themselves to straightforward solutions.

看過來!
"If you want utopia but reality gives you Lovecraft, you don't give up, you carve your utopia out of the corpses of dead gods."
MaxAngor wrote:
    George... Don't do that.

2015-11-27 16:41:41

Just keep looking, there are enough honest and loving people in the world that, before long, you'll find someone else, and just might be better off for it.

And remember, suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

2015-11-27 17:29:14

My dear friend, I will be praying for you. God has a plan for everyone, and his love is like nothing you've experienced. You may not believe in God, but I'll still be praying. God bless you!

“Can we be casual in the work of God — casual when the house is on fire, and people are in danger of being burned?” — Duncan Campbell
“There are four things that we ought to do with the Word of God – admit it as the Word of God, commit it to our hearts and minds, submit to it, and transmit it to the world.” — William Wilberforce

2015-11-27 17:36:53

Hi,
Life gets very dam difficult at times mate, but you should, never, never give up.
I know how sad it can be when nothing goes as you dream or wish. I experienced this many times, when I had to give up on music, when I started high school without friends and momentarily at the university, where everything is a whole crap. Not that I'm an expert on psychological training and counciling, but I'd suggest you do those things that you like mostly. If you like music, listen to your favourite one and enjoy it as much as you can. The most useful suggestion I'd recommend, is just talk, talk to your nearest and dearest. That's what I myself do and it works. Even explaining and talking about your problems with your friend washes away your stress. Gather together, go out with your mates, and, do! crazy things! and make you and yourself laugh. Take away your reluctance and do not always keep   your mind stuck to what happened. Sleep for many hours, and consider reading books, those that catch your curiosity, of course. In other words, do those things that you like to do when you are either happy or sad.
I don't know why you feel so hesitant to consider a psychologist, we say here but as I may notice you use the term counciler. They've been able to calm down people even under a more ergent shock.
I'm very serious bro.
So hope you get better and enjoy the time as much as possible.
Cheers.

2015-11-27 17:58:55

Afrim is completely correct. I know what it feels like; I have been depressed. I know how difficult life can be. No matter how depressed you may feel, Do not give up. Do not give up!

“Can we be casual in the work of God — casual when the house is on fire, and people are in danger of being burned?” — Duncan Campbell
“There are four things that we ought to do with the Word of God – admit it as the Word of God, commit it to our hearts and minds, submit to it, and transmit it to the world.” — William Wilberforce

2015-11-27 19:17:49

@ghost rider,
Speaking from experience I can honestly say that I'm glad you brought this here instead of bottling  it up inside, and while your case is probably not all that much different from many others, I can't think of anything else I'd rather be doing right now which is more important than reading about it and writing back.  Let me tell you a little story, a story that is true as true can be.  This one doesn't begin once upon a time, because it's ongoing and characters are still being added to it.
When I turned 16, I fell madly in love with a girl, a girl who many would have said that on the surface was not worth my time; I'll not include the reasoning behind such a statement.  Needless to say that there was someone in the world, someone I was willing to do anything and sacrifice anything for.
And yet, no matter what I did, it was never good enough.  One day, I finally opened up to the fullest extent.  I didn't want to; I needed to.  I needed to know just how much I could share about my philosophies, my ideas, my fears, my worries and doubts and anxieties and the desire to seek reality to the fullest.  I didn't know it then like I know it now, but I needed to know how much I could trust, because I, unlike you, was holding onto too much, from being told by my mother to kill myself when I was 12, to being lied to by my father on countless occasions for countless reasons that I still cannot find excuses for.  I ran out of people and reasons to confide anything and kept it all inside.  I agonized over stressful situations, wrote many words that could probably fill many pages about the seemingly purposeless life we all live.  I reasoned within my solitude that if one couldn't trust one's own flesh and blood, there was no one to trust.
It is no secret that I became a Christian, but that is not what this post is about.  I could preach a wonderful sermon to you about why you should accept Jesus, but I don't think that's what you want to hear, because it certainly wasn't what I wanted to hear during all of that time.  I could tell you I'll be praying for you , which I will, and yet I don't know if you would truly understand the significance of it and the hopes that lie within such a statement for me personally.  What I hope will make a difference to you is the following; even the humblest of souls touches others.  If you don't believe me, consider that today, while I am sitting here writing to you with intense pain in my right eye from goodness only knows what, with no money to speak of so as to get a cab to go get it checked out, which means I'll probably have to wait awhile for some form of transportation, I am thankful and joyful.  No, not happy; joyful.  Happiness is a fickle thing, an emotion that sometimes eludes you for years on end or comes at you with an intense insanity that makes you smile like a lunatic.  It may stick around for 10 seconds or 10 months.  Joy?  That's another thing altogether and a hard one to explain without talking about life.  Life is such a complex and beautiful thing, even under the most terrible of circumstances.
Yes, I know that is hard to accept; believe me, I know.  The saddest and angriest and most afraid you've ever been can bring you to your knees or drop you flat on your face in anguish and frustration because you haven't the slightest idea if or how to deal with it, not a clue if it's even possible that it will ever end.  The seconds turn seemingly into endless lifetimes that in themselves contain countless perpetual eternities where one wishes to welcome nothingness and embrace oblivion.  They wear and tear at you, taunting your existence, scorning your being and pushing you further down into a demon infested mucky hellhole that taxes every bit of you, and even with all of my elaborations I cannot do justice to what you might be feeling; you may in fact, feel like you have escaped human comprehension!
If, however, you've felt anything like what I've just described, I want you to know that I have too.  Today, I am 27 years old, am no longer with the first person I spoke of in this post, but  am instead married to a beautiful woman and helping her parent a child from a previous relationship as we sit here expecting our first child together within less than a month; she could be here tonight!  I've recently obtained help from a company called miracle ear to battle onward with my ongoing hearing issues; the people are absolutely incredible.  I've relocated from Texas to Florida and that alone is enough in some ways to make me happy.
None of these, however, are as powerful as the fact that none of this could have happened if I hadn't chosen to come to grips with the realization that even in the darkest of days or the hardest of hours, when it seemed like there was no hope in heaven or hell, no reason for living, no purpose in trying, no goodness in crying, no evil in dying, under the burden and strain of all I was living with on my own, I still remained alive, and I'm glad I did so if only to come back to this place and tel you that today.

When life gives you oranges, demand lemons since everyone else is obviously getting them.

2015-11-27 20:03:04

I couldn't have said it better myself, Nocturnus.

“Can we be casual in the work of God — casual when the house is on fire, and people are in danger of being burned?” — Duncan Campbell
“There are four things that we ought to do with the Word of God – admit it as the Word of God, commit it to our hearts and minds, submit to it, and transmit it to the world.” — William Wilberforce

2015-11-27 20:10:34

Thank you all... I'm trying to keep on going. I should elaborate, this girl was not my first love. I've had others. But I truly thought, and still think, that she is the one. I hope to fight through this rough patch and marry her someday. I know I now, I'm only sixteen, or will be next month, but I've gone through things in my life that have given me the mentality of a 30 or even 40 year old. I've been told I'm more mature than most 30 year olds out there. Anyhow, that's beside the point. The way my depression works is I'll lay for hours on my laptop, talking to a friend about it then 30 seconds later we're cracking jokes and poking fun at one another, then 30 seconds later the cycle begins again. I imagine it's exhausting for them and more than a tad annoying. There are times where I'll turn on a song and just curl up and cry. It'll last maybe 5 minutes, then I'll feel better for a few hours. I always stop myself from ending it to think how would Erowyn feel? How would my best friend Brit feel? How would my family feel? My uncle who I go hunting with every deer season? My mom and sister? My friend Dustin, or my best blind friend Khannon? I know I have people who care about me even if I don't see it at times. Sometimes I forget that. They, especially Erowyn, are the ones who keep me fighting from day to day. I may be extremely angry with my mom and sister, and yes very afraid of them, but I know somewhere deep down that they do love me. Sometimes I just can't stand the thought of going through another day.

Heroes need foes to test them. Not all teachers can afford to be kind, and some lessons must be harsh.

2015-11-27 23:00:19

@Ghostrider, crying is good, it provides catharsis.
If however things are this serious then you probably do need to start looking at ways of managing to live with this. Firstly, finding things you can do when these feelings of depression hit as I said.
I'd also suggest talking to a doctor sinse there are things that can help.
Counselling, when done well can be a good thing. It's not particularly about talking to someone sympathetic, it's basically about exploring what your feeling and how you react. It's bloody hard work when done properly, extremely exhausting, but worth it in the end, provided of course you are getting counselling from someone who vaguely knows what they're doing.

If your depression has a chemical element to it, and doesn't have as much reason, medication is also an option.
I know there is a lot of social stigma about this, however it's not really as big a deal as you imagine.

Anti depressants won't mke your problems go away, and unlike all the onesin films they won't change your memory or personality, they just make things a little less extreme and the feelings of depression a trifle easier to cope with, just the same way if your prone to stomach upsets, taking an antacid after a large meal makes you less prone to stomach aches.

Similarly, feel free to vent on here if you wish, though you could also consider looking for a site with a forum that has individuals in a similar state so that you have somewhere safe to share these sorts of things without worrying about your friends.

Btw, Nocturnus above post is eloquent as ever and beautifully phrased and put together. I very much admire his faith, and I don't mean his faith in God (though that itself is admirable), but his faith in humanity, and karma and life in general.
Myself I never could manage that sort of state, it's something I really admire.

With our dreaming and singing, Ceaseless and sorrowless we! The glory about us clinging Of the glorious futures we see,
Our souls with high music ringing; O men! It must ever be
That we dwell in our dreaming and singing, A little apart from ye. (Arthur O'Shaughnessy 1873.)

2015-11-27 23:38:51

Nocturnus's post is absolutely incredible and to be honest, one of the best posts I've ever read on this forum. I will read and read it again and again.
Truly, thank you for giving me the opportunity to read such an astonishing post. Hope we'll have more of posts like this.

2015-11-28 00:30:46

Agreed with all of the posts on here. As much as it pisses me off how your mom and sister are treating your love, you will be the master decider once you're 18, so that's something to look forward to.

2015-11-28 01:56:58

@Dark and afrim,
Thank you both.  Honestly, it's encouragement like yours that fuels my beliefs still further and makes me want to try harder.  We can go around and around pontificating on the ethics of man and man's nature or the idea that we live in a fallen world Verses the possibility that all is a matter of adaptation and evolution, but given that over the past year I've made it no secret what I believe or why it seems rather pointless.  My greatest goal is to provide a hand to those in need, a voice to those too scared to speak, a strength for those too weak to stand, and loving grace for those who reach out for it, because while all of it sounds paradoxical, it is easier, methinks, to find the bad in life than it is to find the good.  An old Scottish prayer comes to mind that goes, "Dear God, I thank thee a thousand times for the roses; help me to thank thee for the thorns as well."  Even if you never want to believe in the ideas I've presented, I still hold that this prayer in itself illustrates just how we tend to work along with the realization that only by looking at those things that hurt and overcoming them can we truly appreciate the great things in life and in this world.

When life gives you oranges, demand lemons since everyone else is obviously getting them.

2015-11-28 10:18:53

Wow.
I tried to come up with some unique advice for you @ghostRider, but the awesome posts by @Nocturnus and others would put anything I could do to shame. tongue

I haven't been in that situation, but I have had to deal with some very hard family times as well as figuring out my place in the world (Where I'll go to college, how I'll get around, what I'll study, what bills do I need to pay).
That stresses me out to no end, sometimes I just wish I was a kid again and could let my parents deal with all of it tongue.

Personally, when I get stressed, have a hard decision to make, when feeling sad, angry, happy... I read. I find that (corny as it sounds), escaping into a plot and world that isn't my own with characters that I have no connection to other than words in a book really relaxes me. I finish a good portion of a book, stop reading, and I'm much calmer about my situation and am usually able to come up with a solution.
For some, it's music. For others, it's physical excersize. For me, it's books.
If you haven't read much, (or don't read much now), pick up a good book and see if that helps. If you need good books, to read, mention me, (@bladehunter2213 on twitter) and I'll help. There are also an amazing number of sites dedicated to book reviews (yay!), my personal favorite is Goodreads.
Of course this could all be useless information to you if your not a book reading kind of person, but man I feel better having actually tried to help in some small way rather than just reading the thread and moving on.
Good luck, happy holidays, and never give up!

Regards,
Blademan
Twitter: @bladehunter2213

2015-11-28 10:39:59

@Blademan, I completely agree, reading is awesome! I write reviews myself for fantasybookreview.co.uk, so if anyone is interested in my thoughts on sf and fantasy books check there (I'm just finishing one up for William Horwood's book Skalagrigg).

With our dreaming and singing, Ceaseless and sorrowless we! The glory about us clinging Of the glorious futures we see,
Our souls with high music ringing; O men! It must ever be
That we dwell in our dreaming and singing, A little apart from ye. (Arthur O'Shaughnessy 1873.)

2015-11-28 11:37:42

Weee more reviews!
Will do!

Regards,
Blademan
Twitter: @bladehunter2213

2015-11-28 13:30:06

Hi,
While this really sucks, and I've had to go through something similar myself, me and my fiance are planning to move in long term with each other pritty soon. So, I know from experience, it does get better. As for depression, I'm still going through that. But, I have managed to find things that help. Music production, programming, and gaming. I talk to the one or two people I truly trust and I made a great friend just by talking to people. School sucks. It really does, especially if you feel like you're getting nowhere. But again, this is something that will get better given time and effort. As for the girl you love, is there any way of seeing her without your family knowing? I know its not the most ideal, and its probably bad advice to say do something against if not the law, then the law of your family, but it might help.
Just my thoughts. I'm always here to help if needed, @kylecunningham5 on twitter.

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2015-11-28 18:35:02

We're secretly still a couple but because of my family she's afraid to come online because she thinks they're on there but they're not.

Heroes need foes to test them. Not all teachers can afford to be kind, and some lessons must be harsh.

2015-11-29 01:11:58

hi,
Check out this website
www.helpguide.org
It has very useful mental health and self help strategies, including depression, bipolar disorder etc.

2015-11-29 02:42:54 (edited by The Dwarfer 2015-11-29 04:33:19)

@GhostRider man, this whole situation sounds... weird to me to say the least. I can see why you're upset, but then again there could be details that you're choosing not to share on the forum, which is perfectly acceptable. But they say she's lying to, and hurting you? I'm a bit confused, because either they didn't say what she was doing, and didn't prove it was true, just seemed to shut her out which, again, is confusing to me. I don't know that situation, I don't know what they told you what she was doing, and if you don't want to share that, again. Perfectly acceptible. But I do want to ask this. Have you tried to ask them what the issue is? Have you tried to talk to them about it, (and I mean in a non-screaming and yelling matter, which, judging by your alleged maturity level I highly doubt you'd get into such a fight with them)? Of course, perhaps you did try that only to be told you were wrong and they were right and no more talk because I'm mom and I've said so. In which case, you can only keep doing that which you are currently doing. Surely, you'd know if she was lying and hurting you by now, she's been your girl for... gosh I don't even know. But even still, one who is madly in love could or should be able to detect such a big flaw with their significant other that it would cause their family to "protect" them from that person. So bottom line, and I'm sorry for the above rambling mumble jumble that was my thoughts on the situation, don't give up. 18 is not far away...

  Also, and I really don't mean to hijack this topic, but I really have a question for you, Dark. Have you read the Lorien Legacies books by Pittacus Lore? If not, I really suggest you give it a look. I've read plenty of fantacy and science fiction (alien related) books, but these... literally had me hooked. Because there are multiple characters, most of which hiding from an evil alien race, you get a good look at multiple cultures of not only Earth, but the planet which they come from, Lorien. I also find it funny that Pittacus Lore, the author, puts his/herself in the series as an ancient legend of a character, namely the "most powerful of the elders". I know, I kind of suck at book reviews, but I seriously suggest you give this a look. The way it combines science fiction and fantacy is... amazing to me.

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2015-11-29 14:45:20

@Steve, I've not heard of Pittacus Lore, I'll have to check his/her books out. Btw if that is the author's name, I  would guess roughly it's a guy sinse us at the end is usually a man while is or as at the end is more commonly a lady, though of course I am not certain.

About the situation one thing I will say Steve, is that family dynamics, especially around relationships can be somewhat complex,  even if there are no underlying issues, and quite often people will not be aware of all their reasons and motivations or will interpret the actions of others in a different light, especially  when moving homes is concerned.

There really isn't a good way of solving these problems without a little rationality and give and take on both sides, and that isn't going to happen when one person, namely Ghost rider is having depression related issues, because depression has a bad habbit of skewing things one way and making everything else more fragile.
Maybe in the future it will! be a case of moving streight out and keeping some distance from the family. Maybe not, there isn't a way of saying really, but the immediate situation needs some easement in the best way hence  why I  approve of the various suggestions.

A good friend of mine who suffers clinical, uncaused, simply genetic depression is wonderful for structuring her life around it. for example she'll just occasionally know she's having a bad day, she'll find various methods and points of dealing with how she feels, indeed one of her favourite saying when she's doing something really! practical and a person is being obstructive or patronising is "mad! not stupid" big_smile.

I'm not saying this situation is similar, but that's probably why a good practical approach is what's called for immediately here. Doing something displacing, finding places to vent, and then learning how to be a little more rational when possible.

With our dreaming and singing, Ceaseless and sorrowless we! The glory about us clinging Of the glorious futures we see,
Our souls with high music ringing; O men! It must ever be
That we dwell in our dreaming and singing, A little apart from ye. (Arthur O'Shaughnessy 1873.)

2015-11-29 16:27:46

True. And pretty much, the slightest miscommunication can knock something way out of proportion... for sure. And I mean the slightest. It could be how something was communicated, the words used, even something as simple as the tone of voice... who knows honestly.

If you have issues with Scramble, please contact support at the link below. I check here at least once a day, so this is the best avenue for submitting your issues and bug reports.
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2015-11-29 21:43:52

I understand what your going through. I had this girl named Rachel and her parents didn't want me or her to date because I was blind. So I do understand and it hurts.

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2015-12-01 06:04:27

I've had some improvement as of late, but it crashed again when I heard some of our songs in McDonalds.

Heroes need foes to test them. Not all teachers can afford to be kind, and some lessons must be harsh.