Hello,
Funniest one by far goes a bit like this:
I woke up feeling very wide awake, this was a day of school. I went to have a shower, did all that, was about to get into my school uniform, then checked the time. 3 AM. Since then, I always check the time when I wake up, and I do mean always.

I was at the special school. It was about three and a half years ago and it was my birthday. After hanging out with my best friends, I got really tired so decided to sleep. It was 2:00 AM but my friends didn't feel like sleeping, so they went to play some fifa games with each other. Fortunately the assistant carer allowed them so they got started. Remember, we were living in a dorm. They came back to me at 3:00 AM and my close friend called my name. I was in a state between sleeping and sleepy. One of my friends understood how I was, and he said to me, "What are you doing here? Do you know, it's 8:15 and everybody's gone to school. Wake up or the teacher will come and shout at you.
I threw away my blanket rapidly and got out of my bed right away, wore my trousers and headed to the first floor. My friends held back their laughter until the assistant carer shouted at me "Where are you going? It's 3 AM! Go to sleep immediately! . I was feeling disgraced.

I've done what aaron did, only in my case the time was right, it wasn't until I was waiting at the bus stop, watching the activity at the church across the street that i realized that it was Saturday so there was no school. I felt pretty stupid while walking home that morning.

Some of the best  mistakes and mix ups i've had hve been involved with stage performances, sinse there's nothing like a theatrical mistake.

On one occasion, I was at the gilbert and sullivan light opera festival. I was on stage, as I'd been chosen to do the youth representation bit. The director challenged the audience to suggest any song from all 13 Gilbert and Sullivan opperetas and someone would sing it, the duette "Ah must I leave thee here" from pirates of Penzance was chosen.
I  knew the song but hadn't sung it before, however there was one line I wasn't sure of. The  oh so kind soprano I was singing the duette with went and checked the score and despite my frantic gestures and my whispered "what is my third line?" she didn't notice. So I was singing my part, and getting slower and slower and slower as I frantically tried to remember that bloody line!
The song is all about how frederic is going back to being a pirate and leaving his beloved. I really did slow the thing down until eventually I got to that rotten line and instead of singing "till nature day by day shal sing in altered tone, this weary roundilay, he loves thee, he is gone"
I sang "till nature day by day shal sing most unexpectedly this dreary roundilay, he loves thee he is gone!"

The joke was I got so very very slow, the audience all thought I was being super emotive, and I got many complements, and nobody actually noticed I'd forgotten the bloody words!

On another occasion I was doing a production of The Mikado in 2008. as people might know, The Mikado is an oppereta set in japan. It begins with the male chorus singing about how they are gentlemen of Japan. The director decided to stage this very dramatically, with everyone dressed as samurai doing a huge dramatic stick fight in a smoky haze produced by a smoke machine.

As playing Nanki poo, the principle tenor and son of said Mikado, I had to come on stage after the big stick fight and sing my first line "gentlemen I pray you tell me"

In the dress rehearsal everything went fine!
In the actual production however, someone forgot to open a window. The "gentlemen of Japan" come on, do their song, their dramatic stick fight in the smoke, then on I charge through a field of flailing weaponry for my "Gentlemen I pray you tell me"  ----- and off goes the fire alarm!

The weerd thing was, I thought the orchestra would stop, but the conductor thought I would stop, so neither of us stopped, and as I'm walking down to the front of stage to begin my song I'm thinking "I can't hear the bloody oboe!"

Then, just as I'm launching into the wandering minstrel, on comes one of the back stage crew telling us we need to evacuate the building sinse the fire alarm automatically called the fire briggade!

Just to compound errors, later we had a huge amount of sceenary fall down during the Mikado's song, and I had another disaster. After finishing her song about how happy she is to be marrying me (well it's theatre so it's pretend), Yum yum, the principle girl was supposed to stay on so we can do a scene together.
Unfortunately, she got a wee bit confused and went off one side of the stage while I came on the other. So I'm standing there center stage thinking "oh my god! where the hell is she, what could I be doing!" so eventually I decide the only thing to do is dash back stage and get her.
I run into the wings, to find she's actually gone right around the stage.
I'm there having a panic in the wings when suddenely I see someone in a bright orange kimono come on stage from the other side and I charge on in great relief! People said it looked very romantic sinse she came on from one side, and I literally ran on, swept her off her feet into my arms, murmered something to the effect of "thank god your here!" , spun her around and stood her where we should be standing to commence our scene.

then! at the end of that performance I made the biggest gaff of all!

The end of the Mikado involves nanki poo supposedly having been murdered but actually going off to get married, and  the villainous coco cooking up a big lie about this to The Mikado, and then Nanki poo walking in just as Coco is about to be executed.
The problem is I missed my kew. The Mikado said "and as you've slane the heir apparent?"

And I didn't go on sinse Yum yum and I were sorting out our big costumes! In fairness the guy playing The Mikado (who was awesome), covered it really well and started improvising about the execution for ten seconds, when I realized what I had done,. and boomed out "behold! the Heir apparent is not slane!" and walked on.

theatrical mistakes are always the best! particularly sinse everyone is so full of buz, you just find a way to pickup and go on with the show just like the queen song said.

Well thunderfist,  some of those are pretty random, I won't comment on the male/female thing, though I will suggest you start to rethink sexist assumptions about "tender hearted women" and "men being less so" sinse generally they won't work in reality, (I've met several women who were anything but and several men who are astonishingly kind natured), , but as you said, derailing this topic is probably not a good idea. though as far as injuries go, there is one I  remember as amusing.
This was when I still lived in colidge before I moved out to my flat and so had a very! long walk each day.  To get to the entrance of my colidge that I used and the block where I lived, I needed to cross a road and then walk down the other side and turn right. I crossed the road, however I had not realized there was a massive set of roadworks, ie, people digging holes in the road. There was no one around but they left the barriers up. So I determined to walk along one side of the barriers and round until I could get to the pavement. Obviously sinse these dam things were sticking out into the road, I wanted to stick as close to the barriers as possible so as not to get run over, however the numbsculls who'd set the barriers up had put them across! the hole, not beside it. So as I try to walk to the side of the barriers my foot hits the edge of the hole, and down I go, taking the barrier with me and giving my knee a good old ding on the way down. Fortunately it was only about four foot deep.

This however isn't the funny part. As usual when such a thing happens I begin a very colourful round of loud sware words. A random woman walks up to me, and the first thing she says isn't "are you alright", but "calm down" I replied "calm down! i've just fallen down a bloody! hole!"

I actually find it quite funny these days, though fortunately sinse I've had reever my guide dog, nothing similar has happened sinse.

Hi Darkk,

that sounds funny. And just to clarify, I wasn't intending to be sexist. I didn't mean to suggest that women are more tender hearted than mmen or anything like that. I don't want to say more since this will spyrll into a debate which will deviate from the topic, and I might potentially offend someone which might start a flame war, and I am one to pick my battles wisely. That said, I didn't mean to offend anyone, but I'm sorry if I did.

Okay, this one is really good. Basicly before I went to secondary school we had an induction day. That's just get to know the school before you enter sort of thing. They asked on the paper what I wanted to do. So I got my LSA too write "I want to make sweets that turn people upside down." It was inspired by the levicorpous spell in Harry Potter and the half blood prince and the sweets that caused stuff like nose bleeding, invented by Fred and George Weasley in Order of the Phoenix.

Another silly thing I did when I was little was that I deceived my Father. I thought he wouldn't allow me to have chocolate. So I told him that I was going to the toilet. Well I went into the kitchen, went into the cupboard and had my chocolate. I did get told off for that though.

Okay, this one wasn't done by me, but was told to me. Well, a kid a few years younger than me told me this. In his school, someone's name was called at registration. . The person said, "sorry, he can't answer you now." Just like a messaging machine on a telephone. The person who did it got into really big trouble.

This was in year 9. Ms. Gishen told us that she came from Africa. She tried to get us to guess where she came from. I asked, "zululand?" Everyone in my class laughed. I actually thought she might come from zululand.

That's amusing Daigonite, and reminds me of something similarly bad I did when I was about five at nursery related to a stuffed bird.
I'd recently got a large plastic skeleton to hang on my wall, one which my mum even labeled the bones on in braille. I would say I was a rather odd child, accept that I've still got a similar skeleton on my bedroom door at my parents and a rather amusing skull on the wall in my flat.
I decided that a good name for this skeleton would be "dead dennis!" indeed, I was quite taken with my own cleverness at coming up with such a good name.

At nursery, the teacher bought in a stuffed falcon to show everyone. She gave a long speech about how wonderful it was that we had this "new friend" and asked people to come up with a name. I of course, stuck my hand in the air and said "dead dennis!" In fairness it wasn't that I thought the bird was dead, I just liked the sound of "Dead dennis" so much.

This resulted in the teacher who'd bought in the falcon grabbing me and dragging me into the corner giving me a severe yelling at. However, most of the rest of the staff and my mum (who was there at the time), had a good laugh about it, indeed even though the teacher did her best to give the bird a better name, apparently it was still referd to as "dead dennis!"

If you want to read about tender-heartedness in people regardless of their biological sex, I suggest you look into hormone and neurotransmitter testing. Some females take drugs that disrupt these receptors, which makes them difficult to rely on their maternal instincts. Some people, including myself in the LGBTQIA community advocate for the raising of awareness about not making assumptions based on beliefs, since a simple blood test and a little bit of observation can prove whether one is able to feel emotions.
Now, going back to the topic, I remember one time when I was cooking in our dorm's kitchen. After I was done, I went up to the laundry room to transfer some items into the dryer. There was just one problem. It wouldn't start. I did everything I could, but it didnt' start up. So, thinking I had everything right, I went up to the residential advisor, who saw what the problem was. They had me check the door. I soon discovered that I never closed the door, although I thought I did. I really had this memory that I closed the door. So you can imagine how stupid I felt when I let that slip out of my mind. I guess my mind was occupied on other stuff.

This one time, at band camp, we were doing this comedy night thing where everyone divided into groups and came up with something to perform.
I was in a group that was going to do some sort of Irish Drinking Song.
I had two main candidates for the bit I was going to do, and when it came time to sing it, I mixed them up--the first line from one, the second from the other.
Instead of managing to gracefully continue it, I opt for not missing a beat, and just finish early with the third line being "Crap."
Meh, probably for the better.

I was in a gladiator-themed show, once. We'd been practicing the choreography all fine and well, and had a pretty good idea of how this fight was going to go--locking swords, at one point I kick my opponents sword out of his hand...
... At some point, though, my sword is the one that goes flying. So we somehow have to improvize a way for me to overpower and stab him without it.
Luckily, it was in the open, only a few feet from a crowd of 200 drunken college students, so all I had to do was tackle him and wait for him to say something. (I wound up punching him and taking his sword.)

So this other time, we went to Disney World and did the character dinner thing, where basically the fab five (not to be confused with the fab four) come in for a few minutes for photos and mild amusement.
This was a trip involving two families, so there were multiple tables, and generally I'm neither big on photos nor conversation, so I was kinda far from most of the activity.
So, as I realize that Goofy is walking away and I didn't get a picture, I get up and start walking toward everyone else. I really couldn't tell you if Goofy saw the head-on collision coming or not.