Topic by kyle12 2014-04-19 22:50:54 (edited by kyle12 2014-04-19 22:51:38)

  • Registered: 2011-10-28
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Hello,
As some people who know me off of this forum will already know, among coding, sound designing, and music production, I'm also a budding writer. It would be much appreciated, there for, if you'd take the time out to read this first bit to my story and comment on fanfiction.net. If you don't want to, and think this is just a waist of your time...Not really much i can do to change your opinion. Anyway, Here is The Darkness inside for you all
I hope you like it, or at least take the time to comment on my writing.
I'll also check this topic, so feel free to give me feedback here as well.
Thanks Much,

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Reply by fatih 2014-04-19 22:55:15

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it's cool so far! And btw, can you send it in txt format once it's completed?

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Reply by kyle12 2014-04-20 00:18:05

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Hi,
I don't see why not. Just contact me via either [email protected] or [email protected], and i'll see what we can arrange. Thanks for the feedback! smile

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Reply by stewie 2014-04-20 02:13:48

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The concept seems interesting so far, however I notice that paragraphs aren't used. Also I think it's spelled prologue, not prolog.

Deep in the human unconscious is a pervasive need for a logical universe that makes sense. But the real universe is always one step beyond logic.

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Reply by kyle12 2014-04-20 02:18:49

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Hi,
In the word document, paragraphs are used. I genuinely hate fanfic.net for that.
Thanks for pointing out the mistake. I'll be sure to be american... I mean, spell it right, next time.

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Reply by Phil 2014-04-20 11:58:26

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Kyle,
A good start but tthree comments.
If in the prologue you get rid of someone major like Ginny, you really should hint as to why. Was Ginny dead or did they split up?
I would have liked more of a description of Vensk, their fairy maid, and the kyropites.
It seems a bit reckless and foolharty to jump into any magic you don't know about.
But if Vensk went in alone, or stumbled and fell in the light over a frozen kyropite, the other two would probably jump in after it to save the creature.
their fairy maid, were being hunted down by some kyropites.

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Reply by kyle12 2014-04-20 15:08:42 (edited by kyle12 2014-04-20 15:49:03)

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Hi,
I've written it like that for a reason. the reason is, vensk plays a major roll in chapters 3 through 8 in that she knows more than she appears to. that is when we get the really good description. the kyropites were not originally in the story, actually. I will add to them if people wish.
Edit
I just updated it. go take a look tongue
/edit

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