okay, this is me letting off some steam, and hopefully giving people a good laugh, ---- sinse as a story it's pretty funny.

A week and a half ago, i was told there was a problem with my university course registration. I also want to set up my university E-mail address on outlook express.

Phoned colidge, and they said all I need to do is ring I.t. services, set up my account, and E-mail the appropriate department.

The operative word here is all, ---- rather the same way "all" frodo had to do was walk several thousand miles and chuck the ring into Mount doom!

here's a transcript of the phone conversation: me: Hello, i'm trying to set up my university E-mail address to work with outlook express.

Brainless idiot number 1: What's your username.
me: (gives username).
Bi1: well we don't support outlook express, we use a web based system.
me: the web based system doesn't work with hal, could you please tell me how to set it up with outlook express.
bi1: well I'll send you some instructions.
me: Well the last time we did that in July, i got into a situation where I could only recieve E-mail on the address and not send. Could we please go through it manually to check it goes correctly.
bi1: Well i don't have time, i'll just send you the instructions, ---- as I said we don't support outlook express.
me: Well, outlook express worked fine for five years when i was living in colidge.
bi1: Well i don't have time to go through it, ---- ring back in a minute (puts down phone).

Me: (about five minutes later ringing back). hi. The other chap i spoke to said ring back in a minute about setting up my uni address with outlook express.
bi2: yes, I'll send you some instructions.
me: As I said, i wanted to go through it manually.
Bi2: Well we don't support outlook express, I'll sned you the instructions and you can try it, but i can't guarantee it works, why not just use web male.
me: Because I'm visually impared, use a screen reader, and the web male isn't compatible.
Bi2: Well that's not our problem, we don't support outlook express.
me: (mildly pissed off), well it is your problem, you are It support, and required to support all students.
Bi2: I'm required to send you these instructions, you try them.
me: Well, when they don't work, ---- as they failed to in july, i'll ring back.
(bi 2 puts down phone).

Me: (suddenly realizing, phones back).
hello, i spoke to someone about sending instructions on attempting to setup my university E-mail with outlook express.
Bi3: yes, they've been sent.
me: where to.
Bi3: Your university e-mail address.
me: You mean the e-mail address I'm attempting to set up with outlook express so that I can recieve E-mails on.
bi3: yes.
me: How am i supposed to read the instructions.
bi3: Online using web male.
me: i can't use the web male it doesn't work with my screen reader.
Bi3: well we don't support outlook express.
me: well if you can't do it over the phone.
Bi3: no we can't, we don't have time.
me: Send the instructions to my other address (gives E-mail address),  and I'll phone you bakc when they don't work, ----- again!
Bi3: Alright.

And said instructions stil! haven't appeared!

good god! I think the qualification for this job is "must have approximate brain power of a concussed hampster!"

Update: apparently they now can't tell the difference betwene the letter e and letter X, ---- and can't use the phonic alphabet either! When I expressly said dark at x ray, gama, alpha mike, they somehow thought there was an E in it!

i think concusssed hampster is too clever, we're getting into incredibly senile iguana levels here!"

Update the second:

Okay, well i got and followed said instructions to get the response "invalid server name"

i phone back

me: Hello, about setting up my account with outlook express, i've followed the instructions and they haven't worked, i get a server name error.
bi2: Well we don't suport support outlook express.
me: Well would you give me some advice on fixing this.
bi2: Well i only have the same instructions in front of me that you do.
me: well will you put me through to someone who knows about this (Had to physically restrain myself from saying someone who has a brain).
bi2: i know about this, I have the instructions.
me: just put me through to your superviser.

It turns out said superviser is busy, but sinse I tdon't trust that crew to pass messages and details on, i'm ringing back in a bit.

i think we're now down to the level of slightly dim goldfish in a perminant vegetative state!