1

Hello.
Perhaps someone knows if there are free dating sites, with a user-friendly interface.
Not necessarily with a lot of users.
For example, I know a good site Interpals, but this is mostly not a dating site for communication, but a dating site for language exchange.
Thanks in advance!

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Well, not sure you'll find one with not a lot of users. Isn't that the point of dating sites, after all, to meet people?

I've found OKCupid to be the best one so far. It's also 85% accessible.

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Munawar, is it free?

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Munawar, Now I'm thinking about creating an international social network for the blind, but now I'm interested in ordinary dating sites.

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@jonikster, I wouldn't trust a dating site until hell freezes over. There are no "free" dating sites. Anywhere. Oh, it'll look free, definitely, but as soon as you want to communicate with that person, boom! You've gotta pay $30.00 to like $300.00. (And yes, I was once charged $259.00 on one of those. Called immediately for a refund.) I'm sure most of us have fallen for that, but seriously, I've had first-hand experience with those. I really, really wouldn't trust those.

"On two occasions I have been asked [by members of Parliament!]: 'Pray, Mr. Babbage, if you put into the machine wrong figures, will the right answers come out ?' I am not able rightly to apprehend the kind of confusion of ideas that could provoke such a question."    — Charles Babbage.

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So, Munawar told me that OKCupid is free. I should try this

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@Ethin: they need your card number or some payment method in order to charge you. OKCupid has never asked me for those details, and I have never been barred from communicating with anyone because I'm a non-paying customer. I think the only limit they put on free accounts is how many messages your inbox can hold.

So, I'm not sure what you signed up for, but that evaluation is far from the truth. Maybe you're thinking of sites like EHarmony. OKCupid certainly isn't like that, else I wouldn't have recommended it.

And, if they ask you for your card number, just don't provide it.

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@7, I've never tried the website you suggested. I was just speaking based on my own experiences with dating sites.

"On two occasions I have been asked [by members of Parliament!]: 'Pray, Mr. Babbage, if you put into the machine wrong figures, will the right answers come out ?' I am not able rightly to apprehend the kind of confusion of ideas that could provoke such a question."    — Charles Babbage.

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Munawar, My friend, I tried this. That's cool! True, I haven't seen anything like it.
I liked the message system. You look at the profile of a person, if he or she liked you, you put it like and you can write a message. A person looks at your profile, and if he likes you, he puts it like and can respond to your message.
This is very good, because when I get acquainted with girls, I write about the following:
Hi. I'd like to be your friend, if you don't mind. Perhaps, if we like each other, I'd like to have a relationship with you.
Where everyone can write a message to anyone, I had to devote time to messages from those who are not happy. Here it is not.
In a free account there is a limit, you can't see who you like.

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Ethin, free dating site? It's just not profitable.
There is an Interpals dating site. This is a site for language exchange. But you can indicate that you are looking for friends, flirting, etc. And this site is completely free. Every day there are about 8000 people from all over the world. In the search you can specify the list of countries from where you are looking for people, and a list of languages.

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@jonikster, no site can truly be "free", you know. Even AG.NET isn't necessarily free (the ads). The people who run the site have to get the money from somewhere. And my experiences with online dating sites have not been pleasant; the charges primarily get in the way. And, of course, the difficulty of maintaining an online/long-distance relationship... maintaining those is incredibly difficult purely because you don't get as much intimacy as you would if you and your date were physical with each other (i.e. physical comfort or presence).

"On two occasions I have been asked [by members of Parliament!]: 'Pray, Mr. Babbage, if you put into the machine wrong figures, will the right answers come out ?' I am not able rightly to apprehend the kind of confusion of ideas that could provoke such a question."    — Charles Babbage.

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@jonikster: I'm glad you like it! Don't forget to fill out some of the questions so you can be matched better.

The website is more accessible than the app. I've met three people physically from OKCupid, one of which is going well. I like the site because it seems like (for the most part) people are there seriously. Of course you will get the creepers but it's easy enough to block them.

@Ethin: the great thing about dating sites is it doesn't *have to be* long distance. I meet people on the site and make it clear I'm not interested in doing the online dance and instead would like to meet as soon as possible, so all of my searches are restricted to areas around me, with an hour's commute at most.

So, don't get dating sites mixed up with "online dating"; they're two different hings.

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Munawar, I filled out my profile and wrote about 20 people. But for some reason, I only answered 1. I don't know how to look, the person is online or not. And when I post a message a person sees it right away or after they like it on the profile

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14 (edited by Munawar 2018-06-06 11:27:54)

I don't think there's a way to tell if they've read it unless you're a paid member.

As for notifications, people who have the app will get notified that you've sent a message. Also, if you have it configured, you'll also get notified through Email. I turned my Email notifications off though since I had the app.

The way the world is going, chances are they will get notified one way or another that you've messaged them.

Don't be disheartened if they don't message back. I used to get a 20% turnaround only, and this was after writing a highly personalized message about why I liked their profiles and things like that. It got to the point where I started sending messages like "Hi" instead of taking the time to detail their profile and write them a novel.

So, all that bullshit that people write about "I'll only respond if you put thought into your message" isn't true, and they're probably just lying, from my experience. Short, generic messages got more responses than long, personalized ones (which goes to show how shallow girls have become, when we thought it couldn't get worse, what with the entitlement complex and all...)

The person I'm seeing now took the time to respond to my long and drawn out message with a long and drawn out message of her own. big_smile

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I don't understand the following.
I can click like anywhere. Near any description. Is there a difference? If I click like it near My self-summary. Will it be like a message?
What is the xPass button?
Next. Profile example:
Rose
22 • Sinsen, Norway • 50% Match
e
xPass
sLike
  
Rose
• 50% Match
xPass
sLike
Do these two buttons like the same or have different meanings?

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Well Ok Cupid unlike most dating sites is actually free in the literal sense, Ie you can sign up and message people for free without additional random charges, also I'm glad to hear on the accessibility angle since I always rather liked the quizzes and character analyses for their own sake, indeed my lady and I wanted to take the nerd geek or dork test just for amusement value big_smile.

The problem I found when I was on there ten years ago is that you literally never! got messaged. Whether you sent a hi or not, whether you wrote a personal test or not. It actually sort of amused me that most of the personal questionnaires I took by girls boiled down to " you going to be a scumbag" so usually I'd get pretty good results on them, but again zip, nada nothing.

That might have admittedly changed, I was on there back in 2009 or so. Then again I've also heard from people who ran into some fairly serious trolling on Ok Cupid, so if you want to give it a try be careful of that.

If you have to actually commit money though I'd stay far far away, eharmony is a total waste of time and money, and I've heard some pretty horrible stories from other sites, indeed a lot of dating sites basically pander to girls who either just want guys to take them out for meals or enjoy trolling for no reason.

To be honest though, i'd just suggest avoiding formalised dating sites and try just being nice to people in general social online places.

I met my wife on a mailing list about books and music, she emailed me off list after liking my book reviews, we exchanged emails for several months, then when it turned out she was a classical soprano, with me being a classical  tenor  I recommended her an international music school I go to.
We  met up there in person in April of 2015 since she was living in Germany at the time and Germany to England isn't impossible travel wise. We  shared a scary amount of chemistry, then email became good old fashioned phone calls, albeit neither of us actually thought the other was interested in being more than friends.

this changed in July of 2015 during a rather heartfelt phone conversation, in August we met up again at the next music school, but were still not sure we could be together owing to various other things going on at the time.

This then changed in September of fifteen, in november we moved in together before my lady had to go back to the States owing to immigration laws. I went out to Pennsylvania and spent Christmas with my lady and her sister, and we were engaged on Christmas eve, she came back to Britain with me in January,  we went back to the states to get married in July of 16.

This all started because she emailed me and happened to mention she liked my book reviews big_smile.

With our dreaming and singing, Ceaseless and sorrowless we! The glory about us clinging Of the glorious futures we see,
Our souls with high music ringing; O men! It must ever be
That we dwell in our dreaming and singing, A little apart from ye. (Arthur O'Shaughnessy 1873.)

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I've never once been on a dating site, I prefer to meet someone while I'm out and about, though of course there's nothing wrong with that, its just not my preferred method. I'd highly recommend though actually meeting the person ASAP as recommended by post 1. I actually don't date though, and have no interest in it whatsoever. I see patterns that crop up all over the place in other people's relationships. Drama is a big one, OK, fights are going to happen, its a part of being in a relationship, but to constantly be bringing up stuff that happened months and years ago? Plus, people get crazy and throw really hurtful stuff at each other when they're all out like that, and while I'm sure its sort of understood that they didn't mean it when everything is calmed down, its still not good, and it still  happened. That type of stuff is what leads to relationships failing because you poison or sabotage it. SO if you get something cleared up, then let it be unless it actually comes up again, no need to be throwing it back in someone's face, that's immature and serves no purpose other than to sabotage the relationship. Mind games are another big one, if something's bothering you, tell your partner, don't let them wonder what's going on for two days until they drag it out of you , or you just snap. Why do you think they ask so many times, its because they care, and want to work it out. Sometimes I guess it could be for selfish reasons, like damn I'm not gettin' laid, I better see what's up and try to get right again. Also, the angry one, bottling up your frustrations and other emotions is going to lead to a big fight, because you're eventually going to have to let it out, and when you do, this is what I was talking about regarding drama, so quit it. If your partner made you mad, sad, made you feel unimportant, unloved, whatever the case may be, communication is important, so let them know it. If you do, you can possibly talk it out rather than scream it out. Me me me, always about me. I've seen this one a lot, and while its certainly true guys can be guilty of this, I see it a lot in girls. They are always angling for you to do something for them, buy them things, whatever it is. They never think about the relationship as a whole, and always think about themselves, and how they can get you to do more. They often use sex as a bribe to get something out of you. They drain your bank account, even if they don't have access to it, its the constant nattering to get you to buy them things, or do expensive things and suddenly, your nice emergency buffer is gone, and when you count in all the expense she is, you're living from paycheck to paycheck. Not only does this affect your wallet, it affects you psychologically, it drains your soul. Soon, you are this sunken-eyed zombie who lives life just going through the motions, wanting to get away, not being able to because she got you spending so much on her, etc. This is something I've seen from afar, but also have seen a good friend go through this.

So all that stuff and more are just such a turn off to me, and far outweigh the desire I have to be with someone, a real someone who wants a real relationship that may lead to marriage at some point. I will not say I wouldn't like that, but I just don't want the drama. I guess you could say that all the bullshit is a sort of prooving grounds to get you ready for the real thing, but there are people who only ever had one partner. One of my favorite YouTubers has only ever been with one woman, and they've been married for 18 years, and he's only ever slept with her, only ever been with her, etc. So it can happen. That's why I don't want to get involved in the drama, I don't have the energy for it, lol. And knowing me, I'd probably be like, well if you feel like that, get the fuck out then, because most of the time, I don't have a filter, but yeah if I'm pissed, you can forget about it.

I'm a cat! What's mine is mine, and what's yours is mine to :P XD

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Mmmmmm  ironcross, firstly, be careful with your remarks about "girls" since it sounds like your living in rather the wrong decade.
Yes, there are some horribly toxic women out there, but assuming that all, or even many women are like that and will use denial of sex to get money or something is making you sound like a really bad sitcom from the fifties. Hell, the idea that "sex" is something which one party requests and  another accepts or denies is just wrong from all sorts of angles anyway.

Also, don't assume all relationships equal drama, I've seen plenty that work, heck I'm in one that does. My lady and I do disagree and have differences of opinion, both in the fun sense of disagreeing about something (we have quite comical debates about George R R Martin vs Robert Jordan), but also a few times in  terms of misconumication etc.

Its how you handle that sort of thing though that proves what sort of person you are and whether you should in fact be in a relationship in the first place.

One of the first and most important things my lady and I promised each other is that we would always! be honest with each other, which is a pretty good maxim to go by, so if anything does come up we tend to just sit down, talk it out and at most spend ten minutes apart then its usually fixed.

But that's part of being an adult.

Btw, my lady has had two or three other relationships beside me, and she's the first person I've been with, and neither of us ever wants to be with someone else, that's called being married and was something we'd both pretty much come to independently (the engagement was almost a forgone conclusion).

Admittedly, friends have nicknamed us the disney couple and said we're probably one of those couples who are quite frighteningly connected, still we're not that! unusual.

With our dreaming and singing, Ceaseless and sorrowless we! The glory about us clinging Of the glorious futures we see,
Our souls with high music ringing; O men! It must ever be
That we dwell in our dreaming and singing, A little apart from ye. (Arthur O'Shaughnessy 1873.)

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I said I see it a lot in girls, not I see it exclusively in girls. or I only see it in girls. Maybe its just an American type of behavior, this shallow, care only about yourself thing. I don't know, but it is something that is a repetitive pattern. So, rather than what can you do for me, the question should be what can we do to mutually benefit our relationship, to make it stronger, etc. I also never said there aren't any good women out there, I know there are, and I've seen them. The thing is, people are so scared to express a negative opinion about women because of the extreme feminist movement. Fact, I don't hate women. Fact, I do sort of mistrust women until I get to know them better due to past experience, and behaviors I've observed. Fact, I think women should be equal in our society, do everything men do, get paid for the same job, same qualifications that men do. What I don't like is the extremists out there that don't want equality, they want further power. They want to tip the advantage to their end, and I see that as a problem. That's a problem for any group fighting for equality, and some of its members want more. There is no such thing as all women <insert statement here> or all men <same> or all members of this group <same>. But certain patterns of behavior to leave an impression on me, make me mistrust, I already am not a trusting person.

I generally call things as I see them, and I have seen and heard a lot of this type of thing. Yes, some women will get with a guy and do many things, including withholding sex to get what they want. It happens, and I don't see the point in pretending it doesn't. I'm also not trying to say it doesn't happen in reverse. There are really trashy, low class men out there, and there are men who get with a woman only to mooch off her like she's his mother. So she takes care of him, he plays video games all day while she works and does his laundry. It's not right on either side of the scale. All women are not trash, all men are not trash, However, there are really bad men and really bad women out there.

I'm a cat! What's mine is mine, and what's yours is mine to :P XD

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@ironcross32: I agree. I have been on a few dates where after we had a nice dinner, it was over. After this happened a few times, I refuse to pay 100% for dates. I think it's unfair that we're expected to pay for taking a girl out and all that. Yet it seems like they hold all the cards. You pay for the meal no matter how expensive, and she's the one calling the shots, giving a yes or no, after she happily consumed the meal you paid so much for.

Oh, and you don't even get a "thanks for paying for dinner" statement. Why? Because it's expected that you pay. Where the hell is the equality in that?

Nope, I'm done doing that. Done paying for dinners that don't even get a second glance.

And, yeah, it must only be a US thing. @Dark seems rather unfamiliar with this side of the dating game.

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Yep, I've encountered the dinner thing. I go out on dates and I'm always told by people, "Remember to pay the bill!" And I think to myself, "Come on, man, what if the meal just happens to be well over $300.00 and I'm unwilling to pay for it? What if I, say, want to split the bill?" It kinda pisses me off, how I'm just expected to do these things. And one thing I love doing is shattering and destroying expectations and throwing them out the window, especially societal ones.

"On two occasions I have been asked [by members of Parliament!]: 'Pray, Mr. Babbage, if you put into the machine wrong figures, will the right answers come out ?' I am not able rightly to apprehend the kind of confusion of ideas that could provoke such a question."    — Charles Babbage.

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Yeah, I think splitting prices should be more common. Women can either be equal, or things can go back to the way they were 50+ years ago when chivalry was a thing. Now, I'm not saying you can't offer to hold a door, or pull out a chair, etc. but why then is it the guy that pays all the time, why is it that the girl holds all the cards, wants / has all the power. And again, a disclaimer I honestly shouldn't have to make, I don't believe all women are this way. But, why is it that society sees this as the status quo.

I would like a partner who believes in a 50 50 relationship. Now, I'm not saying a relationship is that way all the time, but close enough. There are times when you have to step up and back your partner when they're going through hard times, and there are times when they're gonna have to step up and help you when you're going through hard times. That's working through things, that's adult level relationships.

Here's my definition of a good woman. She is easy to talk to, and is a good listener. She takes care of her man within the level she wants to, but holds him accountable for certain things; all things to be worked out in the relationship. She sticks by her man, helping him through hard times (obviously not to the exclusion of her own well-being, in other words, if he refuses to do anything, he is abusive, he completely neglects her, etc.) She knows the line when to be comforting and when to light a fire under her man's ass to get him out of a funk. She is fun, kind, etc. She doesn't use subtle manipulation to her advantage (shouldn't really need to also). Remains faithful, and is honest if she wants to dissolve the relationship.

And for men its pretty much the same, don't cheat, support and stick with your woman, do your part, don't be abusive or violent (applies to women also), try to be open and communicative.

I'm a cat! What's mine is mine, and what's yours is mine to :P XD

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According to the brit picker's guide, I think gender relations are rather more formal in the Us. Over here, its much more common to just be friends with someone of the opposite sex (heck or same sex come to that), spend time with them and realize there's more going on than friendship. as you are! friends conventions such as "the man always pays for dinner" don't tend to be as rigidly applied, or at least if say a woman did insist on such over here the guy would be within his rights to tell her she's being an idiot, since hell if you were having a meal with a friend you'd hardly expect one person to take all of the bill.

This again however is why I'd suggest avoiding dating sites and all conventions and just looking around for places where you can meet people and be friends with them. In my case I met my lady on a mailing list as I said, and we just chatted for a good long while before either of us realized there was anything else going on. My brother met his fiance at an anime society, my role playing friends met doing larp etc.

Actually, most of the people I know who have talked about "dates" usually mean something they've done together as a couple when they've already spent enough time together to become close, for example, my lady and I didn't go out for dinner together until after she'd actually moved in with me (and on that occasion we split the bill).

As to your criteria Ironcross, one thing I will say, is that while your correct that a relationship is two way, at the same time its not a good idea to go in with a list of expectations since dynamics between  two people can be rather different, its more like a duette where you find your own ryth.

For example, I do literally all of the cooking just because it worked out that way and its generally something I do more easily than my lady. She's come to be responsible for laundry since I have always been really crap at folding clothes.

Most of the time we share the washing up and do it together, accept on some occasions if I'm awake late at night I'll wash everything up anyway, and since neither of us likes shopping it tends to be something that we share, albeit I have been  doing it more often over the past 18 months since I have a guide dog and my lady doesn't.

We could! try to do a rigorous division of labour kind of thing, but if we're constantly playing "I did x so you do Y" then things would be pretty grasping.

In general its not so much a matter of expectations or easily quantifyable rules, its more a case of realizing that someone else's happiness is waaaay more important to you than your own is, a situation which could be horribly abusive if the other person didn't feel exactly the same way.

Of course, finding that is the problem, hence back to my "being friends first" suggestion, indeed in the case of my lady the cliche about "my best friend" is literally and absolutely true.

With our dreaming and singing, Ceaseless and sorrowless we! The glory about us clinging Of the glorious futures we see,
Our souls with high music ringing; O men! It must ever be
That we dwell in our dreaming and singing, A little apart from ye. (Arthur O'Shaughnessy 1873.)

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All that stuff isn't hard and fast, which is why I say, "To be worked out in the relationship." Dating here in the US is a lot more hmm... I don't know what to call it. A lot more cut and dry. Like, there is a goal, and the goal is to get another date, and once you have been on 3 or so dates, whatever feels right, the goal is to progress from there. Now, again, not saying every single situation is like that, but in general, there is a flow to it. You also will find that guys will be friends with girls because they see a chance, even a remote one, but a chance of future sex. I saw a statistic once, I don't remember it, but then again, I don't think it would be easy to validate unless you literally went on the street and surveyed batches of 100 guys at a time, Family Feud style. I've been there, not that I necessarily just wanted sex, I wanted a relationship with a girl one time, and I ended up in the friend zone. Even though I was a bit disappointed though, OK, a lot more than that, because I had serious feelings for her that she didn't have for me, we were still able to be friends after she turned me down. I don't want to be this vulture though, I don't really flirt openly, etc. I feel like a lot of guys are way too aggressive, and because of that, girls have to sort of be on guard when they go out, and they shouldn't need to feel like that because men can't control themselves.

There also is this thing if you get your signals crossed, the guy thinks they're on a date, the girl thinks its a dinner or movie with a friend. If that happens, and the guy lets on, it could be sort of troublesome, may end a friendship. There's sort of a lot to dating over here. SO if a girl goes on a date, her girl friends will probably be pressing her for details, if a guy walks into work, and he's normally like zombie mode in the morning, but today he like virtually is skipping, he's got a wide grin plastered on his face, he looks, well, radiant, yeah, other guys know what that means and at the first opportunity, they're gonna want details. Then you have some girls that don't take kindly to a guy discussing his sexploits with friends, or co-workers. Which, I get it, but its probably a little hypocritical on their points, because she's probably discussing it with her friends. Now, playing devil's advocate, guys tend to objectify women, and I can definitely see how that is viewed as wrong, which it is. So there's a lot of stuff going on with dating and relationships, and clearly I don't understand it all because I'm not in one (though that's how I'd like it to be, at least for now). I'm pretty bad with social situations. I think its because I just sort of tell it like it is, and people don't like that, they're used to this glaze on everything, their sugar coding that makes the world more easy to cope with, and I don't do that. There's probably more to it, a lot of sighted people stuff, like eye beam communication blind people may be able to conceptualize, but never will get. My sight was never good enough for that.

I'm a cat! What's mine is mine, and what's yours is mine to :P XD

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There is indeed a lot of eye contact and body language stuff involved which I missed myself, though equally since I was genophobic throughout most times when I was interacting with girls while single I'm probably not a good judge of such things, however gender sterreotypes do tend to be a little less extreme in Britain in general, especially among intelligent people, which generally means that the hole goal orientated date thing is generally not done, its one of the reasons why Rowling makes it clear in goblet of fire that the thing with the ball was sort of a conscious archaeism.

That's why I say most couples I know tended to be friends first and meet socially and did! indeed go out for dinner and a film or coffee or whatever as friends, first, heck my lady and I certainly did.

I did notice actually when I was in pennsylvania that gender relations seemed rather stricter even among fairly nice people, EG there were specific things that women were supposed to be interested in and discussed, and specific things that men were supposed to be interested in and discussed, indeed I suspect if my lady and I had settled over there it would be very hard to find friends of either gender of comparable interests, given that I don't tend to find sport and hunting and alcohol interests me much, and most feminine conversation tend to centre around family doings, who has had kids last, what the church was organising etc.

I'd imagine in that sort of environment dating is a necessarily more formal affair simply because its so  harder to find common ground, even though that's generally what good relationships are based on, or at least the ones I've seen that really work out.

With our dreaming and singing, Ceaseless and sorrowless we! The glory about us clinging Of the glorious futures we see,
Our souls with high music ringing; O men! It must ever be
That we dwell in our dreaming and singing, A little apart from ye. (Arthur O'Shaughnessy 1873.)

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