2014-09-27 14:34:53

I'm very sad to announce that Nocturnus, who has been a faithful moderator and database editer here for the last three years has decided to step down from the position.
His reasons for doing such, and a very eloquent message to the Agnet community is detailed in his below announcement.

Before getting to that, it just remains to say a big thank you to Nocturnus for all his hard work on the forum, and to hope that even if he is not staying on in an official capacity, he'll still be around when he can sharing his thoughts, philosophy and insites on everything from gaming to cartoons.

Goodluck, and farewell.

Frrom Nocturnus

.

I'll first offer my sincerest thanks to anyone who is reading
this.
It is with a heavy heart and a bit more that I have decided
it is
time to step down from moderation duties on this site. To
most of you
this may come as a surprise, given that I have done my
best to
advocate for the moderation panel as best I could while
remaining as
neutral as possible. This is, however, a decision that has
been long
coming and which I've managed to sweep under the rug,
as it were, for
a fair amount of time given a couple of things I will outline
for you
as best I can.
First and most important of the two, my hearing. For
those of you who
don't know, I have struggled with my hearing for most of
my life, a
problem that began when my ears were hit by multiple ear
infections
and surgeries for various reasons on various occasions.
Eventually
the left eardrum was severely punctured, and while the
hole healed,
the hearing loss that came with it left a noticeable scar. It
is
believed that antibiotics I took to rid myself of the
seemingly
countless ear infections may have also contributed to my
hearing loss;
imagine that, trying to help the ear becomes the culprit to
some
extent.
To simplify tings, while the left ear is still capable of
hearing, it
is no longer truly capable of interpreting those things
properly,
meaning that were it not for my right ear, I would more
than likely be
unable to cary on any sort of conversation whatsoever.
My right ear
itself is not in the best of shape however, and my visit to
the
audiologist a couple of weeks ago revealed some startling
information;
my hearing is getting worse. What makes this still mnore
frightening
is that she is unsure of what is causing the change and
cannot tell
weather or not it will stop or how long it would take to
lose my
hearing entirely if it didn't. While she was not willing to
advise
given that she knows and perhaps shares to some extent
my love for
anything and everything audio related, part of the
conversation that
followed after the hearing test was slightly awkward,
giving me reason
to believe she would rather I not tax my ears any further in
an
attempt to save as much of my hearing as I have left,
which I am only
too eager to comply with, owing to the fact that hearing is
my primary
gateway to the world. it is very possible, perhaps
probable that I
myself, since I have suffered hearing loss have contributed
to it
given that I can no longer really judge volume levels that
are safe
for me and have at least once a month for the past 10
years overdone
things, particularly when gaming and projects involving
audio
production.
The second matter is perhaps not as important and could
probably
continue to be ignored, but I have felt an increasing
amount of
sadness when looking at posts over the past year or so.
the first
time I truly noticed it because the proverbial door was
sort of kicked
open by force, as it were, was in the swamp topic. There
came a day
when I was made aware that swamp was down for an
unknown amount of
time given to hackers striking it again as hackers are
generally in
the position of doing, I guess. I'll not claim that swamp
was my
favorite game of all time, but it did bring something to me
that many
other games could not... Nastalgia. I grew up playing first
person
shooters with mission objectives thrown in for good
measure, and swamp
was, I believed, on the right path. To see it attacked was
a personal
insult for so many reasons, not least of which is that it was
free at
the time, that so much work had been put into it, that so
many ideas
had been thrown around and discussed, and much, much
more I won't go
into to try and keep this as short as possible.
Perhaps it is only my perception, but I feel in every ounce
of my
being that this negativity has increased among the
audiogaming
community, which is a shame given that we are so small in
size and
haven't half of the resources that massive developers and
companies
that produce games for the mainstream market have at
their disposal.
I don't hold any one person responsible for this; I think it's
time to
step back and look at the big picture collectively and see
it for what
it is. Perhaps there is some truth to the naysayers' claim
that
nothing worth writing home about has been released
recently, but I
won't make that decision alone and I don't think any of us
should. ON
the other hand, the games that have already been brought
to the table
are proof of what can be done when the community
works together in its
various areas of expertise.
some of us are good writers, good speakers, good with
words in general
and can review games well on top of providing
promotion. Others are
good at looking for bugs and troubleshooting. Still others
have a
talent for working with sound I will most certainly never
surpass.
Some of us have these three abilities and many more to
offer alogn
with remarkable qualities and personalities, and while I do
not
believe it should be obligatory to help out a community if
one does
not wish to do so, I would certainly love to see what might
happen if
more of us stepped to the plate and contributed our
diverse abilities,
bringing everything we have to the table in an attempt to
stride
forward rather than falling back, putting aside the tensions
and
frictions that seem to lie just beneath the surface.
One could argue that my vision is unrealistic, that it could
never
happen owing to our nature, and maybe that's true. It is
however, my
belief that some of the standards developers of
audiogames are being
held to are just as unrealistic. yes, we have technology,
more
technology now than we could have imagined, but there
are still kinks
to be worked out, problems to be tackled, and more
importantly, lives
to be lived, and they can't all revolve around gaming.
something
needs to give if we want more games with more quality
and more
variety, something more productive and creative than
destructive
criticism and negativity and pessimism. One could argue
that these
are part of life and that is true, but nothing should stop us
from
being the best we can be.
And now I take my leave. I'll be around. I thank you all
for your
attention, support you have provided in the past when I've
worked on
various things, and any support that may come my way
this time around.
The community as a whole is in my thoughts and prayers
and always will
be.

With our dreaming and singing, Ceaseless and sorrowless we! The glory about us clinging Of the glorious futures we see,
Our souls with high music ringing; O men! It must ever be
That we dwell in our dreaming and singing, A little apart from ye. (Arthur O'Shaughnessy 1873.)

2014-09-27 14:49:22

I haven't been around nearly as long as some of you, but I would like to take this opportunity to let you, Nocturnus, know that my heart hurts for you. As someone who struggles with hearing difficulties also no thanks to numerous ear infections when I was young, I truly feel for you. My loss is not as severe as yours or another friend of mine, but if I were ever to become totally deaf as well as blind, I can't say that giving up on life would be a hard thing to do. Trying to remain neutral in the face of as much negativity and ungratefulness as I have seen on here is difficult especially given your personal struggles, so I commend you. I hope to see you around and I really do hope that something can be done to help your hearing at least be stable if not improve.

My opinions are my own. I try not to state them as facts and if I'm not sure about something, I do whatever research I can. I feel everyone should consider doing the same.

2014-09-27 15:29:45

Hey nocturnus. Good luck man, in whatever you do with your life. I certainly hope that your hearing condition doesn't get much worse, i can only hope that it works out for the best for you. I'll remember your contributions as a mod, and i will also always fondly remember the short-lived tech talk. I think that show brought the comunity together in a way that i most realize when things get dramatic around here. So i hope that you realize that you did some great work, and it's not all doom and gloom friend, strangely, Galadriel's quote about finding a light in dark places comes to mind. So, good luck to you, i'm sure you will be around.

2014-09-27 15:46:05

Hi,
Good luck Nocturnous in your future endeavors, and I'm sorry to hear about your hearing loss.

2014-09-28 03:40:26

Hi.
As someone who just normally read through the odd post here and there, I must say that I've always found your posts interesting to read and filled with good advice, no matter the subject of the topic at hand. Also, I was around when you brought on the tech show way back, even though I myself probably never really took part. So all I can say is, I'm truly sorry to hear about your hearing and as someone else said, I hope you can find any kind of solution, though I can imagine this can't be easy.
So, thanks for that what you brought to our community; I'm sure it won't go unnoticed! And best of luck for the future; I hope we'll still see you posting your good advice/insight every now and then.

Brendan
-----
There is one rule above all others for being a man.  Whatever comes, face it on your feet.
@bcs993 on twitter, feel free to follow!

2014-09-28 20:22:37

Nocturnus I haven't been around as long as you have, as some other people have stated in their posts, but I would like to say I've always enjoyed your posts in different topics around the forums. I wish you the best. I myself don't know what I would do If my hearing started to go. I don't know what I would do If I couldn't play audio games. I find that Playing audio games sometimes helps me deal with my anxiety which I do have sometimes.I certainly hope that something can be done to help either keep what hearing you do have, or even reverse some if any of the damage.

Audio game king

2014-09-29 12:45:32

Thank you all for the support and well wishes.  I have no idea where life goes from here, no idea how to work out any of its kinks or even if I can at this point.  As I said to Dark some time ago, it's a loss I cannot even begin to express in words, a loss too many.  My whole life has revolved around audio in some way or another, what with performing music for the masses, broadcasting, production, simple sound design on the side, but even more importantly, it's been a way to see the world, a way to be aware, a way to stay in touch with everything going on around me.  For the time being I can still use hearing ades and the like; indeed for awhile I was actually improvising with an mp3player because I couldn't afford anything else and my medical insurance wouldn't cover it.  It's not the same though; it never has been.  It's an experience I would never wish on anyone, anyone at all.
to know that my work and my insight was appreciated is wonderful.  To know that I even so much as made a difference in one life is a privelage.  As God wills I shall continue to pop in on occasion here, partaking in the conversations that take place on this forum that has served as home to many of my thoughts over the past few years and which has brought me unforgettable moments of happiness that have always managed to eclipse the negativity.  for now, this is Nocturnus, signing off.

When life gives you oranges, demand lemons since everyone else is obviously getting them.

2014-09-29 14:31:17

Nocturnus,
Sorry to read about you leaving as moderator.
Your problem of hearing has me interested in starting a page of games that can be  played by mono hearing or by the deaf blind.
In the old DOS days, many games sent text to the screen and could be read with a Braille output device.
My Monopoly Any Night Football, and Harry Hollingsworth's Baseball game comes to mind.
Today I think Interactive Fiction text adventures can still be played with Braille.
Games like Grail to the Thief could be played if the text was also sent to the screen instead of just audio.
Good luck,
Phil Vlasak
http://www.pcsgames.net

2014-09-29 16:39:20

I agree with the sentiments Nocturnus, and just because your no longer able to moderate  that doesn't mean any thoughts aren't extremely welcome on the forum.

I'll also add further to Phil's post, there are browser games, older dos titles and games like Eamon deluxe that are written in a similar style. Plus, on the Iphone there are games such as star traders, King of Dragon pass, dark room and The Ensign.

This isn't to make light of your loss, it's not one I could imagine myself due to my own interests in music and audio, it's just to point out that this forum is as much about accessible! games as it is about audio ones, for example you can search the database by games playable via text, ie games that have some on screen text rather than using the audio, so even aside from your own  considerable contributions and thoughts, if the absolute worst happens, you will still not only be extremely welcome on the forum, but find that there are things going on in the community in which you can participate  equally, ie, you'll still have games to play.

I hope this doesn't sound patronizing or an attempt to minimize your situation, sinse It's not intended to be either.

With our dreaming and singing, Ceaseless and sorrowless we! The glory about us clinging Of the glorious futures we see,
Our souls with high music ringing; O men! It must ever be
That we dwell in our dreaming and singing, A little apart from ye. (Arthur O'Shaughnessy 1873.)

2014-09-29 23:23:54

@Dark and everyone else,
For some people, there comes a point in time when nothing anyone says will comfort them, and anything said almost seems like the wrong thing to say.  Interestingly enough, I'm not one of those people, preferring to look at the intent behind the words which makes all the difference, all the difference in the world.  I peer behind every word searching for the reason, hoping to extract something out of all that is written and spoken as a love for words has given me the want to do.  You need not fear that you have said or written something insensitive to me if it comes from the heart; I truly appreciate such things and do my best never to forget.

When life gives you oranges, demand lemons since everyone else is obviously getting them.

2014-09-30 13:31:14 (edited by Sebby 2014-09-30 13:46:50)

Wow, sorry to hear that. You were a great mod, Nocturnus. smile

If it were me, I'd sod everything and do what you must do. If that means not being a mod, then so be it. I'm sure what you do next will be the right thing. As someone with a very slight hearing condition myself, I can certainly understand why that must surely take priority. Good luck with it, and whatever happens, I'm sure you'll be welcome here. Stay positive.

Cheers!

Just myself, as usual.

2014-09-30 23:13:37

This makes me really sad. I was never close but reading your stuff really hurts. I hope you're okay, and take care of yourself.

you like those kinds of gays because they're gays made for straights

2014-10-01 01:05:07

@daigonite,
I appreciate the simple and yet sincere nature of your message.  for what it's worth, my name is Andrew, age 26.  Life has been a series of obstacles, from family hardships to unbelief from teachers and the let down of school board administrators, to the harsh realities I am having to confront now.  I've done my best not to complain, tried to not lock myself into what people might vew as a pitty party routine, which is why I won't go into further detail when it comes to my problems in a public setting.  People never asked, however, which is why most of my life has remained a mystery.  IN truth, I am no mysterious entity hiding secrets like the various security and intelligence agencies that exist around the world; my life is an open book and one need only peruse the pages.  Throughout my life, perhaps my most sincere desire has been to help out any community I have been a part of wherever I can, from the streets of the cities I live around, to this website you now post on with its diverse members located in various parts of the world.  Working with the other moderators was an experience I'll not soon forget, and opportunity I willingly accepted and a responsibility I took upon because of that same desire.  When I am not helping other people, I am a writer, a thinker, a researcher of sorts in any field that interests me, a music lover with no personal preference, preferring to give every song and every band or artist at least one try, and if I'm hungry and I'm at your house, I'll empty your fridge, though you'd never be able to tell by simply looking at me.  Besides these I love thrills and chills, rollercosters and all manner of amusement park rides, have always fantasized and told every single one of my friends about being sighted and owning and racing through the streets on a motorcycle even  though the closest I've ever been to that was riding my bike, and I'm sure that if I knew someone with experience, I'd probably skydive too.  I appreciate technology, but I love the outdoors.  I can sit and read for hours or walk and experience nature for hours to the best of my abilities given the scope of my limitations.  Sitting still for longer than a minute at a time is not an option unless I am reflecting on something I find to be profound.  I don't watch TV anymore because the market is so saturated with materialism and neuroses and psychoses; it's all stuff I honestly don't need.  The world is a negative enough place without the message being pumped at me out of a box I can just as easily avoid.  That having been said, I don't mind sitting down to a movie or even classic shows with friends from time to time.  I have a short attention span and... Oh look, it's partly cloudy outside; wonder if it'll rain today as it has been for the past few weeks.  I need to get some food in my system.  Pizza, anyone?  :d


@Sebby,
Thank you for the kind words.  At the risk of being seen as nosy which is not my intention, what has caused your hearing deterioration, and is it enough to where you've considered doing something about it?  I found myself surprised to find that there were more people than I once thought there might have been who face similar situations to my own.  While it does not provide me true comfort, as it were, I do at least know that they seem to be coping with life, which gives me no excuse to stop coping with my own.  I've improvised up until this point; even my audiologist congratulates me for it.  I'll continue to do so if necessary.

When life gives you oranges, demand lemons since everyone else is obviously getting them.

2014-10-01 09:09:42 (edited by Sebby 2014-10-01 09:16:34)

@Nocturnus, it's a susceptibility to tonsil infections which plagued me when I was younger, but could just as well have been related to my inherited condition that is also ultimately responsible for my blindness. The effect, as it stands and has for a while now, is a 10 DB shift in my hearing balance, with the right ear being the lesser. I like to thing that I've accommodated it, or that maybe it really isn't all that noticeable, but in fact there are situations where it absolutely makes a difference, whether it's being able to hear the ticking of a clock based on what direction I'm facing, or discern background sound from people speaking to me directly. This latter in particular is sufficiently commonplace that I worry about what else I might be missing in daily life, with the usual anxiety that brings. So I *completely* understand if you've got better things to be worried about that moderating this board. Although, as I said, you must remain hopeful. smile

Edit: having recently had my ears pumped again, it did occur to me to wonder: have you eliminated the simple causes? I'm sure you have, just checking, but having blocked ears is a sure way to test your patience, as well as your ability to improvise. And that's in a person whose hearing loss is not usually noticeable. I was proud of myself then, and still am. You'll manage, I'm sure of it.

Just myself, as usual.

2014-10-01 12:22:10

Actually, that was one of the few things I wanted to get accomplished soon.  I planned on visiting an ear, nose and throat specialist sometime in the coming days to get his take on the matter, given that an audiologist and an ENT probably have different areas of expertise and focuses.  Since I've always had a slight issue with my nasal passages, poor drainage or a blockage of some sort may, at the very least, be part of the issue.  It's never been enough to cause me any physical discomfort and I always manage to put it out of my mind, but perhaps it's doing more damage than I realize.

When life gives you oranges, demand lemons since everyone else is obviously getting them.

2014-10-01 12:55:46

Well Nocturnus, a fascinating post I'll say. However bare in mind nobody has a right to any information about you, whether you've been a moderator or not.

Any facts about your life are as much yours to share on the forum as they are off it. There is a modern tendency I've noticed for people to believe that you should share everything about yourself online and that your face is an open book (pun definitely intended), however this is not true.

There are things about myself I have not shared here,  and do not intend to. This isn't because, like the security agencies, I believe that it is against the public interest for the public to know or that I want to hid something I'm ashamed of, it's simply that there are things which i prefer to keep private for my own comfort.

So, while I appreciate your honesty here, don't feel it's a requirement, heck, even if you'd just said "I want to stop moderating because I want to stop" that would've been fine! it is a voluntary position after all, vital and important though it is.

With our dreaming and singing, Ceaseless and sorrowless we! The glory about us clinging Of the glorious futures we see,
Our souls with high music ringing; O men! It must ever be
That we dwell in our dreaming and singing, A little apart from ye. (Arthur O'Shaughnessy 1873.)

2014-10-01 14:35:08

Nothing like that at all, Dark.  I don't keep my life an open book because I feel an obligation to do so; I keep it an open book because for me, at least, it is easier to live without secrets than it is to live with them.  Besides, how else will anyone know who or what I am and what I stand for if I don't feel the freedom to express myself? :d

Still, to each their own and I can honestly respect your stance on the matter.  I just didn't feel any need to keep it all in other than perhaps being seen as feeling sorry for myself by the way I worded it all.  IN the end, I chose to err on the side of transparency and figured that if I had to do some damage control later I would do just that.  I doubted it would come to that though.

When life gives you oranges, demand lemons since everyone else is obviously getting them.

2014-10-01 16:04:44

At nocturnus: I had a lot of ear work done when i was young, resulting in no permanint damage. According to my mother, i was lucky to have some amazing ear specialists who took care of me for about the first five years of my life. As i said, i'm glad it was taking care of so early. My point is, seek the oppinions of more than one doctor or specialist, as i'm sure that you could find people, dare i say, even more qualifyed than the person you saw. And also, you might find a specialist who can make your life a lot easyer. As was said previously, get your ears pumped or cleaned for any accessive wax. Personally, there was a period of time about a year back where i had to get this done, because i noticed a decrease in hearing in my left ear. Naturally, i kind of freeked out, but i got it done. While it may not be the end all fix, you may notice a difference.

2014-10-01 21:41:17

@Nocturnus, generally I would certainly agree with you on openness and honesty being better than risking being misunderstood or misjudged, and I appreciate your reasons, albeit I can't share them completely myself.

However, equally I've known people who felt obligated to share things about themselves with others, which is not a good state of affairs and just wanted to check that wasn't the case, especially with you being a moderator, sinse I'd rather you didn't think you owed! anyone anything because of that position, quite the oposite in fact.

I have known people admit facts about themselves at the wrong time and in the wrong way, and it be a less than good experience for them, which indeed was why I asked you when you first told me the reason over e-mail you were deciding to stop moderating, exactly what you wanted shared, sinse confidence is a precious thing and not something to be squandered.

With our dreaming and singing, Ceaseless and sorrowless we! The glory about us clinging Of the glorious futures we see,
Our souls with high music ringing; O men! It must ever be
That we dwell in our dreaming and singing, A little apart from ye. (Arthur O'Shaughnessy 1873.)

2014-10-02 00:12:56

Once again Dark, your stance on the issue is much appreciated and one I truly admire.  It may just be my perception but methinks it's hard to find people that keep confidences entirely nowadays.  As I told you in my second message however, I honestly wouldn't have minded you sharing the first with everyone whatsoever, given that it was entirely truthful and wasn't much different from the one posted above, the exception probably being a slightly more personal tone or choice of words.  It's nothing that would have upset me though, and yet I honestly am glad you decided to check with me first on the matter; I couldn't have done it better myself.

When life gives you oranges, demand lemons since everyone else is obviously getting them.

2014-10-03 13:43:30

sorry to learn your going off the mod list, indeed i don't know what i would do without my hearing as i am completely blind myself.  I remember about a year ago i had a blockage in one of my ears and i had to go to the doctor to have it unblocked and i couldn't hear almost anything in that ear until doing so.  It was like listening inside my head and that was no fun.  Hope all goes well for you and will continue to look forward to your future posts.

2014-10-03 15:17:58

Hi,
I remember on my 21st birthday I had a sort of blockage, where by the left ear just sounded, well, I don't even know how to describe it. Luckily it must have just been water or something, as a few hours later it stopped and I enjoyed one of the best parties of my life, although I didn't have an alcoholic drink because well, honestly I'm not interested in that sort of thing. I just stuck to fruit juices.
I would hate to have hearing loss, but I'm glad to see that you are improvising and finding ways through it.
All the best,
Aaron

2014-10-03 17:09:05

Nocturnus,
I completely understand your reasoning for leaving the mod community here, though I am sorry to see you go. I hope all is well with you. Hearing your story makes me feel a bit selfish. I'm 21, and am worried about the simple high frequency hearing loss that happens as one gets older, since studies show that after the age of 17 or 18, most adults lose the ability to hear the highest of frequencies in the normal human hearing range. So I've been checking myself every few months to see where I'm at, and so far I seem to be pretty good, though I know some people who are audiophiles like me who have already lost these high frequencies. They don't interfere with normal life but it can be a little disconcerting to think about. However I've never had the misfortune that you have, of having my hearing compromised to the point of not being able to hear things like speech, or sounds of nature, or any other normal sounds we hear. That would be truly awful, as I rely on my hearing not just for normal life, but as someone who wants to get into audio engineering, I have trained my hearing to pick up on details which I feel normally go unnoticed. This passion keeps me going when nothing else does.
Sometimes I do get to hear the ultrasonic squealing of a car break, that only a few people around me can hear, or the awful clashing of two notes which are just a little bit out of tune but not enough to affect a casual listener. so I guess in that respect, having a hearing loss can be a good thing; you miss out on hearing sounds you really wish you couldn't hear. Just like having no vision means that you are kept from seeing more disturbing sights. But I believe that on the whole, a vision or hearing loss is still a great loss, even if it does have its benefits at times. I hope everything works out well for you. Like many others, reading your posts was always an enjoyable experience for me, and although I didn't read a lot of topics with your posts in them, when your posts did come up, I always felt it was a thoughtful and professionally written response. I appreciate your desire to remain objective in what you say and keeping your cool in a hot situation, though mods are supposed to cool such things down anyway, so I guess you were just doing your job! Lol I think I know better by now...

Make more of less, that way you won't make less of more!
If you like what you're reading, please give a thumbs-up.

2014-10-05 17:00:36

Hi nocturuns. remember that? I do. it was funny. People were joking about your name on here. I think I spelt it write, I hope so. Oh not the name Nocturnus but Nocturun. smile

Remember, try your best to be happy, live life to the best and... eat pizza. What, what do you mean, eat pizza isn't a good message, pizza my friend, is awesome!

Oh and keep being you, no matter what anyone says you're awesome! From what I'm reading of your posts, it would be great to no you and even though I've not read much from you I feel like i do no you and am always happy after reading your posts.

Keep smiling,
brad.

I'm gone for real :)